Yuriy Yakovlev: Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, Czar Ivan The Terrible
Photos
Quotes
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Ivan the Terrible : I had a man Iike you. He made wings.
Engineer Alexander Sergeyevich Timofeyev : Well?
Ivan the Terrible : What do you mean, well? I put him on a gun-powder barrel. It made him fly! Ha-ha!
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Lieutenant : Was it you who busted Shpak's place?
Ivan the Terrible : I took Kazan, I took Astrakhan, I took Revel... but never Shpak.
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Ivan the Terrible : Taste it from my cup.
Engineer Alexander Sergeyevich Timofeyev : Why?
Ivan the Terrible : Go on, taste it...
Engineer Alexander Sergeyevich Timofeyev : You think I want to poison you? We don't do that any more, and in our day, you'd sooner get poisoned with canned food, than vodka.
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Feofan, scribe of ambassadorial department : Oh, Sir, who is he?
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : He's a friend of Anton Semyonovich Shpak's.
George Miloslavsky : What a fool!
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Lieutenant : So tell me, who are you?
Ivan the Terrible : I am the Tsar.
Lieutenant : Nickname? Wait. Your name?
Ivan the Terrible : We're the Ryuriks.
Lieutenant : First, second name?
Ivan the Terrible : Ivan Vassilyevich.
Lieutenant : Ivan... Date of birth?
Ivan the Terrible : 1533 A.D.
Lieutenant : Joking? Very funny. Residence?
Ivan the Terrible : My palace.
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Warder : Open up, dog!
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : Whom is he addressing?
George Miloslavsky : You.
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Engineer Alexander Sergeyevich Timofeyev : No, no. I don't drink. I don't drink, Ivan Vassilyevich. Thank you.
Ivan the Terrible : Don't you have any respect for me?
Engineer Alexander Sergeyevich Timofeyev : For God's sake, Ivan Vassilyevich!
Ivan the Terrible : Then drink.
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Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : Well, how do I Iook?
George Miloslavsky : Not like him! You're a fake! Let me tie up your teeth at least. You're a pain in the neck! The other Tsar looks smarter.
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : Don't get personal, please!
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Karp Savelyevich Yakin, film director : And who's playing Tsar Boris?
Ivan the Terrible : What Tsar Boris? Boriska?
Karp Savelyevich Yakin, film director : What is it?
Ivan the Terrible : Boriska is to become a tsar?
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Lieutenant : What did you want to make a voluntary confession about?
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : I confess that against my will, under the compulsion of Prince MiIoslavsky, I acted temporarily as a Tsar.
Lieutenant : A Tsar? You are a Tsar, too?
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : Yes, a Tsar. Ivan Vassilyevich the Terrible.
Ivan the Terrible : [Tsar Ivan The Terrible] You're lying, dog!
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Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : What is your name?
George Miloslavsky : I'm an artiste of all big and small academic theatres. And my name is too famous to pronounce it.
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Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : You have ignored my question about the tape recorder.
George Miloslavsky : Darn you!
[to Shurik]
George Miloslavsky : What a machine! A breakthrough in science and technoIogy!
[to Bunsha]
George Miloslavsky : Darn you again!
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Ulyana Andreyevna Bunsha : Oh, God! What's going on? Go home now, alcoholic!
Ivan the Terrible : Leave me alone, old woman, I'm being sad.
Ulyana Andreyevna Bunsha : Old woman? You jerk! I'm five years younger than you! Let's go home, now!
Ivan the Terrible : You are a witch!
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Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : If you really want to know, we, tsars, should be given free milk! Even the "Health" magazine said that neurons are hard to regenerate.
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Engineer Alexander Sergeyevich Timofeyev : My woman eloped today with her lover, Yakin, to the Caucasus.
Ivan the Terrible : You are kidding? Did you send men to catch them? When they catch them, first thing have Yakin impaled, and then...
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Engineer Alexander Sergeyevich Timofeyev : What do you care about my relations with my wife? It's none of your business whether we're divorcing or not. That's our personal matter.
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : No, that's a public matter. Your divorces lower our indices.
Engineer Alexander Sergeyevich Timofeyev : What do you want from me?
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : Wait until the end of the quarter. Then you may divorce as much as you like.
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George Miloslavsky : This foreign tourist speaks well!
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : What exactly does he say?
George Miloslavsky : I'll be damned if I know. Fedya! We need an interpreter.
Feofan, scribe of ambassadorial department : We had one. He was German. He got drunk as a lord when he had to translate. So we cooked him in boiled water.
George Miloslavsky : It's not the way to treat interpreters.
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Karp Savelyevich Yakin, film director : You have misunderstood me.
Ivan the Terrible : How can I understand you, if you don't say anything?
Karp Savelyevich Yakin, film director : I don't know foreign languages, your highness.
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Zinaida Mikhailovna Timofeyeva : Listen to me, Karp, but, please, don't get excited. This is the real Ivan the Terrible! Do you remember I was telling you about the time machine? Well, Shurik did succeed with that experiment!
Karp Savelyevich Yakin, film director : But he could have killed me!
Zinaida Mikhailovna Timofeyeva : And would have done good!
Karp Savelyevich Yakin, film director : It's crazy! What do you mean, Ivan the Terrible? He's been long dead!
Ivan the Terrible : Who's dead?
Karp Savelyevich Yakin, film director : I didn't mean you. I mean the other one, the one who's been dead...
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Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : Alexander Sergeyevich, where is the wall?
George Miloslavsky : What is it? What's going on? There was a wall here!
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : Timofeyev, you will answer for it in court. Inventing such a machine!
Engineer Alexander Sergeyevich Timofeyev : Go to hell with your wall!
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : Half a flat has vanished.
Engineer Alexander Sergeyevich Timofeyev : No big deal.
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George Miloslavsky : Why are they yelling?
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : They cannot yell. They're all dead.
George Miloslavsky : See how those dead can shoot?
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Ivan the Terrible : Who do you belong to?
Dentist Anton Semyonovich Shpak : Excuse me, comrade actor, but what do you mean, 'belong'?
Ivan the Terrible : Whose serf are you?
Dentist Anton Semyonovich Shpak : Sorry, but I don't understand you.
Ivan the Terrible : A very stupid serf!
Dentist Anton Semyonovich Shpak : Excuse me, but why do you keep calling me a serf? Where did you get that word?
Zinaida Mikhailovna Timofeyeva : It's from the part he's playing.
Dentist Anton Semyonovich Shpak : That part is denigrating! Please, don't apply it to me! Oh, God! Some apartment house! They rob you, they call you names! We'll never win the honorary title of a house of cultured communal living. This is an outrage! An outrage!
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George Miloslavsky : You may stay here. The rest, please, leave the tsar's office. In other words, out! Bark at them!
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Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : Look, comrade. Excuse us for a minute. I would like to know what he wants, in general terms.
Feofan, scribe of ambassadorial department : It's very simple. They want Kemsk Region. They went to war, so, they say, give it to us.
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : What? Kemsk Region?
Swedish Ambassador : Ja, Kemska rejion. Ja, ja...
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : Take it if you want it! Oh, God! I thought it was something important.
Feofan, scribe of ambassadorial department : But you can't do it, benefactor.
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : The tsar knows what he is doing. Our state won't be any poorer for it. Take it! Take it!
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Engineer Alexander Sergeyevich Timofeyev : I can't wait! Let's go back into the past and see the ancient Moscow!
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : What are you saying, Timofeyev? Before seeing the ancient Moscow, get a permission from the authorities!
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George Miloslavsky : Sit down! Occupy yourself with matters of state. Take the stick. Go ahead, dictate.
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : Dictate what?
George Miloslavsky : The tsar, repeat it, of all Russia...
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : The tsar, repeat it, of all Russia...
George Miloslavsky : Don't repeat 'repeat it'!
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Feofan, scribe of ambassadorial department : Sign it, our great tsar.
Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : I have no right to sign historic documents. No, I have no right to sign...
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Engineer Alexander Sergeyevich Timofeyev : I'm in a hurry myself. I must rescue those two, as well. What's going to happen to them?
Ivan the Terrible : They'll be beheaded, that's all.
Engineer Alexander Sergeyevich Timofeyev : That's all?
Ivan the Terrible : To hell with them!
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Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : Well, everyone keeps saying: tsar, tsar... You think, Marfa Vassilyevna, it's easy to be a tsar? No, on the contrary! Every working man has two days off, and we, the tsars, have no days off. And our working hours are not fixed.
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Ivan Vasilyevich Bunsha, house manager : What do you mean, a dog? How dare you sing such songs about a tsar? You got out of hand here, without me. What kind of a repertoire is that? You ought to sing songs for the masses, something contemporary. Like... how does it go? Trali-vali, tili-tili. We're not the tili-tili, we're not the trali-vali.
George Miloslavsky : Cool it, Vanya. We'll do everything.
