The Wrecking Crew (1968)
Dean Martin: Matt Helm
Photos
Quotes
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Count Massimo Contini : Actually, I would have preferred to live in a different century, Florence in the 13th or Germany in the 18th. Wouldn't you, Mr. Helm?
Matt Helm : No, it'd be all wrong. I'd be dead by now.
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'Mac' MacDonald : [showing a new explosive device] It's so new we don't even have a name for it yet.
Matt Helm : [throws the handkerchief to a safe distance, where it explodes upon hitting the ground] Why don't we call it a little bit of hanky panky?
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Matt Helm : Half a bottle is better than none.
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Count Massimo Contini : In our civilized business, this is the traditional time to offer you a cigarette or some liquid refreshment, perhaps. But since we are professional people on limiting time schedules, I suggest that we dispense with such amenities.
Matt Helm : Oh, no, let's not dispense with any of those things.
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Freya Carlson : [their car is a wreck] Mr. Helm, I'm afraid the car is broken.
Matt Helm : The car is broken?
Freya Carlson : Yes.
[reaches inside the wreckage]
Freya Carlson : Oh! My hat! My hat's ok.
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Matt Helm : [Freya has pushed Lenka into the pool] What made you think she could swim?
Freya Carlson : That was the only way to find out, right?
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Matt Helm : Wanna do me a favor?
Freya Carlson : Yes sir.
Matt Helm : Go play in the freeway.
[turns to leave but turns back]
Matt Helm : Without a car!
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Matt Helm : Hey, Mac, I'm glad you dropped by. I want you to meet some cute little...
'Mac' MacDonald : Now, never mind.
[escorts Matt away]
Matt Helm : Hey, I'm payin' those girls double-time. Do you know what it costs to double-time all those girls?
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Lola Medina : Oh, I am a wretched hostess, Mr. Helm. I haven't offered you a thing.
Matt Helm : Oh, I wouldn't say that.
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Lola Medina : I've heard that you do... drink.
Matt Helm : Just call it a hobby.
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Freya Carlson : [After falling into a deep pond] It's too deep.
Matt Helm : Too deep, huh?
[She nods]
Matt Helm : I wanna ask you a question. Whose side are you on?
Freya Carlson : Well, I'm an agent. And I also happen to be a good one. And I'm also a woman!
[She storms away]
Matt Helm : It *was* the wig.
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Matt Helm : [to the tune of 'The Sunny Side of the Street'] Grab your coat, get your pail, let me take you in the barn, dear. Just sit back and watch, 'cause I found a cow who gives scotch.
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Matt Helm : [to Freya] I don't know what you got, but you sure got bad timing.
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Matt Helm : [to the tune of 'Cry'] If your sweetheart puts a pistol in her bed, you'd do better sleeping with your uncle Fred...
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Freya Carlson : It just so happens that I know where Yu-Rang hangs her kimono.
Matt Helm : I'll bet you do.
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Matt Helm : I know what you're after, and... I like the way you're going about it.
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Matt Helm : [singing] Red sails in the sunset, Way out in the west, They named you long distance, Cause your switchboard's the best.
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Matt Helm : [singing] Oh, how we'll dance, On the night that we're wed, We'll have to keep dancin', Or you'll burn up our bed.
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Freya Carlson : I'm here to help you in any way I can.
Matt Helm : Well, it's very nice of you.
Freya Carlson : Is there anything you'd like for me to do?
Matt Helm : Yes, ma'am. A couple of things.
Freya Carlson : Yes, sir.
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Matt Helm : Who we? We? We? What's we?
Freya Carlson : Us! You and me. My orders from the Tourist Bureau are to work directly under you.
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Linka Karensky : Mr. Helm, come here.
Matt Helm : You want me to lie down so you can talk to me? Okay.
Linka Karensky : About a partnership.
Matt Helm : Full partnership? Name on a rug, door, floor?
Linka Karensky : Full treatment!
[rolls over on Matt and gives him a kiss]
Linka Karensky : You see, the trains have stopped for Contini and me and - I'm getting off.
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Freya Carlson : I was told to work directly under you and you refused to cooperate.
Matt Helm : You say that again and I'm gonna teach you to watch your language.
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Freya Carlson : [enters wearing a pink negligee, lies down on the bed] Hey, do you think we can have our - little talk now?
Matt Helm : [singing] We're gonna talk a little, Kiss a little, Nothin's gonna spoil our bliss a little, And when our talk is through, How 'bout me and you?
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Matt Helm : So this is the place I was gonna get shot in the back. Kind of a stylish pad to take off from.
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Matt Helm : Well, I'm supposed to meet Linka tonight and they've set me up for a hit. But I'm gonnna shock her out of her miniskirt.
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Freya Carlson : Faster! You're an awful driver.
Matt Helm : Hang on to your miniskirt.
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Matt Helm : [singing] I know why I've waited, Know why I've been blue, Prayed each night for a roommate, Exactly like you.
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Matt Helm : I told you I'd love to come!
Linka Karensky : Of course, but, you startled me.
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Matt Helm : I thought you wanted to talk?
Linka Karensky : Oh, can't that wait? I always prefer pleasure before business.
Matt Helm : I bet your father was a wise old gypsy.
Linka Karensky : Because I'm going barefoot?
Matt Helm : Eh, just a thought. But, I like your thinkin'. Pleasure first! Without interruptions.
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Matt Helm : [singing] Let me call you sweetheart, I'm in love with you, I haven't seen your face, dear, But, your legs will do.
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Freya Carlson : It just so happens that I know where Yu-Rang hangs her kimono.
Matt Helm : I'll bet you do!
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Freya Carlson : You just remember that this happens to be my home cricket pitch.
Matt Helm : Well, stop pitchin' your cricket and give!
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Matt Helm : You want to know somethin' about gypsies? They love to drink and they love to talk.
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Freya Carlson : Mr. Helm, is my hair a mess?
Matt Helm : What?
Freya Carlson : Is my hair a mess?
Matt Helm : You wanna know the truth?
Freya Carlson : Yeah.
Matt Helm : You're a mess!
