- Aardvark: [after the nurse at the vet gives him porridge] Porridge. Who does she think I am, Goldilocks? Ant eators only eat ants. And that's an ant.
- Aardvark: [yet another of his schemes backfires] I'd say something right now, but it would only be censored.
- computer: Hi there. How'd it go?
- Aardvark: You might say it was a smashing... failure. And by the way, for a computer, you stink!
- computer: Who said I was a computer? I'm an automatic pop up toaster. And I'll prove it.
- [toast pops out, burying aardvark to the neck in toast]
- Aardvark: [to the audience] Anybody got a pound of butter?
- Aardvark: Hello there. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm an aardvark. I eat ants for a living. I'm a functional creation. Check the profile. That's a profile? And the mouth. Ever see a mouth like this? Let me show you how it works. Say there's an ant beyond that hill. I give a little inhale, like this
- [inhales, sounding like a vacuum and drains a lake]
- Aardvark: [spits out a fish] Fish phooey! I'm an anteater. Not a fisheater!
- Aardvark: Believe me, it's no fun being an aardvark. I'd rather be a banker, and have a businessman's lunch. Instead, I have to catch things like him!
- [points to Ant]
- Ant: [standing next to him] I'm an ant. And he's an anteater. And do you know, what an ol' ant does when he sees an anteater?
- [in scary voice]
- Ant: He runs for his life, man
- [runs away]
- Aardvark: Believe me, it's no fun being an aardvark. I'd rather be a banker, and have a businessman's lunch. Instead, I have to catch things like him!
- [points to Ant]