- Stash: Violence is the sign language of the inarticulate.
- Tony Banks: What is he talkin' about? Do you know what he's talkin' about?
- Voice of Otto Preminger: [at the end] Stop! We are not through! And before you skidoo, we'd like to introduce our cast and crew.
- [Harry Nilsson sings the closing credits]
- Fred (The Professor): Hey, look man, I don't know what this is all about, but I've dropped out of your gadget civilization. I've renounced all science and technocracy.
- Harry: Tony, it looks like one of them hippies!
- Tony Banks: That's right... and no lousy hippie is gonna make it with my daughter.
- Darlene: Daddy, that's not what he meant. I just met him in town.
- Tony Banks: You know what he meant. He wanted to... .
- Darlene: Daddy, I don't think *he* even know what he wants.
- Tony Banks: What is he, a faggot?
- Stash: Man, how I wish I could be nothin'.
- Darlene: What?
- Stash: Nothin'.
- Darlene: Noth-ing.
- Stash: If you can't dig nothin' you can't dig anything. You dig?
- Darlene: You mean if I could be nothing, I would be everything?
- Stash: You dig! I mean like that's why the stablishment cats are not makin' it. They're diggin' the nine to five bag. Rush to the city. What's happenin' in the news instead of what's happenin' in themselves. You dig?
- Darlene: Now I see what you mean. Everything we need is right here inside ourselves.
- Stash: Hey, you dig! I mean like the vibrations are there, Dewdrop. You know I really think we could make it, you and I. I really feel we could make it.
- A Tower Guard: [after taking LSD] Hey. Hey, you look like a flower.
- A Tower Guard: That's funny. I feel like a flower!
- 'God': Garbaldo, I told you to keep this ship steady.
- The Skipper: It is steady, sir.
- 'God': Are you contradicting me?
- The Skipper: Sorry sir, you're right, there's a strong wind coming from the... northeast.
- 'God': I don't care where it's from, stop it!
- Leech: [referring to LSD] Hey, maybe if I took some of that stuff... I wouldn't have to rape anybody no more!
- Prisoner Question Machine: Please an-swer yes or no: Do you have a-ny chil-dren?
- [the men press their buttons, but the Professor looks puzzled]
- Prisoner Question Machine: Someone hasn't pressed his but-ton! Someone hasn't pressed his but-ton!
- A Prison Guard: What's the idea here, buddy?
- Fred (The Professor): These machines are silly!
- A Prison Guard: What's the big deal? You just press "yes" or "no".
- Fred (The Professor): Yes, but suppose my answer is "maybe"...
- The Warden: [stoned on acid] The prisoners can get together and make costume jewelry, design their own uniforms, decorate their own cells...
- The Senator: The only three great Americans are Washington, Lincoln... and me!
- Geronimo: Speak softly.
- Stash: Xerox me, man. I don't wanna be misquoted.
- Geronimo: Peace! You were saying?
- Stash: Dig the, uh, Spirit of St. Louis, man. Yeah, like, uh, Greeley says, what's seven or eight Dukes of Windsor when it's uh Mona Lisa time, huh? Yeah, take a bow and arrow, and we're not getting any younger, right? So come in X-17. Over.
- Geronimo: Son of Norway, you're loud and clear. Cool as everything.
- Stash: Over and out.
- 'God': What'd he say?
- Stash: Oh, he says he'll have to get back to me.
- Geronimo: Spirit of St. Louis. Lindbergh.
- Hippie Guy 1: Kidnapped.
- Geronimo: Who?
- Hippie Guy 2: Mona Lisa?
- Geronimo: Yours.
- Flo: Darlene. They've got Darlene!
- Hippie Guy 1: Calm.
- Geronimo: Bow and arrow. They're armed. But where?
- Hippie Guy 1: Horace Greeley said, "Go west, young man."
- Geronimo: He did, and how far west? Windsor...
- Hippie Gal: Knots!
- Geronimo: Water, children, water! Seven to eight knots west of... What? That's the hole. X-17. Think. X-17.
- Hippie Guy 1: X could mean "used to be".
- Flo: Seventeen! The old pier. Pier 17!
- A Tower Guard: [referring to a hot-air balloon while tripping on LSD] Do you see what I see?
- A Tower Guard: It's a balloon.
- A Tower Guard: No. It's a great, big, beautiful blob of nothing. It wants me. It wants me. It loves me.
- A Tower Guard: Yeah!
- A Tower Guard: But why is it going away?
- A Tower Guard: I see it. I see it! Yeah.
- A Tower Guard: Yeah.
- A Tower Guard: Yeah-da-da yeah-da-da.
- TV Commercial: For family fun, get your gun!
- Tony Banks: [hallucinating on LSD] Mathematics! I see mathematics! She's got my ears! She's got my ears! She's got my ears!
- Leech: I'm a recidivist.
- Tony Banks: What's that?
- Leech: Habitual criminal. Been comin' here on and off since '51.
- A Tower Guard: [tripping on acid] Hey, come out here. Do you see what I see?
- A Tower Guard: [looks at hot air balloon] Scrambled eggs.
- A Tower Guard: No. Jell-O. Reminds me of my wife.
- Tony Banks: [to Stash, dressed in hippie garb] Who's your tailor, Sittin' Bull?
- Stash: Once more, man?
- Tony Banks: You heard me. Why do you go around dressed like that for?
- Stash: Hey, we can't all be undertakers, man.
- Tony Banks: Don't push me, punk.
- Darlene: [to her father] Stash is only interested in nothing. He isn't taken in by our false values.
- Tony Banks: [to Stash] So how come you're drivin' a beat-up Rolls Royce? Why aren't you drivin' a beat-up Ford?
- Tony Banks: No daughter of mine is going to marry any hippie.
- Flo: Who's talking about marriage, for heaven's sake?
- Darlene: Hippies don't even get married!
- Tony Banks: What the hell do I care? I'm not the suspicious kind. If I was, would I have married a dame that's three months pregnant?