I Love You, Alice B. Toklas! (1968)

Joyce Van Patten: Joyce

Photos 

Quotes 

• Joyce : Do you know what happened this time?

  Harold Fine : What?

  Joyce : The earth moved for me. Like in Hemingway. Did the earth move for you?

  Harold Fine : No, I don't think so.

  Joyce : I didn't satisfy you?

  Harold Fine : Of course you satisfied me. It was just that the earth didn't move this time, that's all.

  Joyce : But it has moved in the past?

  Harold Fine : Oh, Joyce, you know, many times, many times.

• Joyce : Harold, you could move if you wanted to move because man is the master of his own existence. You're afraid. You are afraid to move, Harold. Now, look, Harold. Harold, I have made my commitment to you. I have given you my mind - and my body.

• Joyce : One thing, is all I wanna know.

  Harold Fine : What?

  Joyce : What? Am I going to be your wife, or am I going to continue to be your concubine?

• Murray : Please, no sex in the office.

  Joyce : Oh, Murray. Honestly!

• Joyce : Harold? I didn't see you all day.

  Harold Fine : Well, I was very tired after the funeral, you know.

  [Joyce kisses Harold] 

  Harold Fine : My mother's in there.

  Joyce : Oh, let's live dangerously, huh?

  Mrs. Fine : [from the other room]  Plenty of time for that after the wedding.

  Harold Fine : I told you so.

• Joyce : Look, I found some brownies.

  Father : They look fresh baked.

  Mrs. Fine : Do you have saccharine, Harold?

  Joyce : Oh, I have some in my purse.

  Joyce : Oh, you're a darling. Thank you. Well, looks like a nice brownie, Harold. From Rubins?

  Harold Fine : I don't remember. A small bakery on Fairfax.

  Mrs. Fine : Mmm. Mmm. Better than Rubins.

  Father : Better than Rubins? That's a brownie!

  Joyce : This is delicious.

  Harold Fine : Mmm. They're very good. They're - they're groovy.

• Joyce : You know, Murray, I've been thinking. This may sound silly to you, but maybe what I should do is go to one of those computer mating places. Where you just fill out a form, then they handle the whole thing impersonally. Now, what do you think?

  Murray : Totally wrong.

  Joyce : Totally wrong?

  Murray : In my opinion, you have just gotten over a long-term engagement. What you need now is a nice, hot affair. Forget the intellect. Enjoy yourself. Have some sex.

  Joyce : I'm gonna keep my eyes open.

• Joyce : He ran off with a governess?

  Mrs. Fine : Maid. Maid.

  Joyce : But he came back.

  Mrs. Fine : Well, they all come back.

  Joyce : Oh, you must have been so terribly hurt.

  Mrs. Fine : Joycella, women are built for hurt.

• Joyce : That's, ah, twin cantors.

  Harold Fine : They're really twins?

  Joyce : Oh yes. Now Harold, they're very expensive, but they perform the most beautiful ceremony.

  Harold Fine : Hmm. Are they fratel or identical?

  Joyce : Well, they're not... identical. No, I dont think that they are. I'm just doing it for my father, you see, I-I felt that that's the least that we could do. I feel that you really dont want them. Now, if you dont want them, I want you to tell me that.

  Harold Fine : The very thought of cantors in stereo, instead of mono cantor, appeals to me.

  Joyce : Oh, Harold.