How I Won the War (1967)
Michael Hordern: Grapple
Quotes
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Grapple : Never underrate the wily Pathan. What we're going on to now is the wily Pathan, followed the use of and handling of anti-gas carpet. The Pathan lives in India. India is a hot, strange country. It's full of wily Pathans and they're up to wily things, which is why I always wear spurs, even in cold weather. Now, my advice to you is always to keep your rifle strapped to a suitable portion of your body - your leg is good. Otherwise, you'll find the wily Pathan will strip himself mother-naked, grease himself all over - slippery as an eel - make off with your rifle, which is a crime. Any questions so far, or can we take gas?
Goodbody : Sir, has the pathan gone over to Hitler, sir?
Grapple : Grammar school boy?
Goodbody : Sir.
Grapple : No, he has not. Too wily for that, the wily Pathan, you'll find.
Goodbody : Then shall we be fighting him in this war, sir?
Grapple : Of course we will, boy! The British Army has always fought the wily Pathan. Stripped mother-naked, under the tent brailings like a snake, he is.
Goodbody : Why?
Grapple : [increasingly annoyed] Why, what? Why, what? We want to get on to gas. May save your life one day, gas.
Goodbody : Er, why has the British Army always fought the wily Pathan, sir?
Grapple : [very incensed] Because he's just like you are, a damn wily troublemaker! What's your name in full? How did you get into an O.C.T.U. without knowing your history?
[sigh]
Grapple : God help your men. They'll be torn apart by the wily Pathan.
