Closely Watched Trains (1966)

Josef Somr: výpravcí Hubicka

Photos 

Quotes 

• rada Zednícek : The situation of our armies, fighting for the welfare of all the nations of Europe, whether they like it or not, is most favorable.

  [pointing on a map] 

  rada Zednícek : Here we've been forced to pull back somewhat, but here our armies have made a tactical retreat from the Baltics. Here we have a marvelous tactical withdrawal from the Dnieper to the Danube. Here a tactical retreat from the Americans into Belgium. And here a masterful tactical maneuver in Italy.

  výpravcí Hubicka : But why?

  rada Zednícek : Good question. Why? Because we're luring our enemies into a trap. Don't you see? Pay close attention. Here we land at the enemy's rear. Here we take the Russians in the Caucasus from Turkey and in Petrograd from Sweden. Here we circumvent the enemy, landing in Sicily, and here at the Americans' rear in France. Then we have them trapped and close in from both sides.

  výpravcí Hubicka : Why?

  rada Zednícek : So that we can all live happily.

• výpravcí Hubicka : What a woman! Look at those legs. More like a dream than a woman. If she leaned over me, my whole world would go black.

• výpravcí Hubicka : I dreamed I was a hand truck and the Countess took hold of my handles and wheeled me into the store room.

• [repeated line] 

  výpravcí Hubicka : What's she like?

• Max : A butcher decides to smuggle an udder out of the slaughterhouse, so he puts it in his pants to get it past the guard at the gate.

  Hubicka's Cousin : In his pants? You're killing me.

  Max : In his pants. In his pants. So he takes the tram and the lady sitting next to him looks at him and says: "Sir, there's something sticking out of your pants." So the man takes a knife, cuts off the udder, and says: "That's all right, I've got three more."

  Hubicka's Cousin : [laughs]  And the lady?

  Max : She fainted.

  výpravcí Hubicka : These days we tell it a little bit different. Everything's fine: the butcher sneaks the udder out, gets on the tram and takes a seat, and the lady says, "Sir, you've got something sticking out..."

  Hubicka's Cousin : And the butcher takes a knife...

  výpravcí Hubicka : And lops it off.

  Hubicka's Cousin : The lady goes pale.

  výpravcí Hubicka : This time not the lady, but the butcher, who screams, "Jesus Christ, that was the real one."

• výpravcí Hubicka : Keep asking for it and you're going to get it on your behind!