The Knack... and How to Get It (1965)

Michael Crawford: Colin

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tom : What's the most frightening building in London?

  Colin : Great Ormond Street Hospital for Children.

  Tom : I believe you're right.

  Nancy Jones : What's that?

  Colin : Great Ormond Street Hospital for Children.

  Nancy Jones : That's nice. That's true. That's a nice thing to say.

• Colin : At 13, were you promiscuous?

  Tom : We're all of us, more or less, sexual failures.

  Colin : Well, Tolen isn't a sexual failure.

  Tom : Well, he needed 5 hours a day, he says.

  Colin : Well then he can't be a sexual failure, can he? He can't be a sexual failure? Well, he can't be a sexual failure having it 5 hours a day, can he?

• [first lines: Colin imagines that Tolen has a long queue of identically-clad young women all the way up the stairs to his bedroom] 

  Colin : It's not like that; it's an exaggeration! He has just got a certain success with the ladies - that's all.

• Colin : Is that it? Cheese, eggs, milk, meat, skirt. Is that it?

  Tolen : What?

  Colin : How you do it?

  Tolen : Skirt is meat.

• Tolen : The feeling could be developed with experience and confidence, in certain people, Colin.

  Colin : Yes.

  Tolen : To some degree, a man can develop the knack.

  Colin : A man can develop the knack.

• Tolen : How do I acquire the knack, Tolen?

  Colin : Yes! How, Tolen. How? The knack?

  Tolen : Well, now, first you must establish contact.

  Colin : Yes! Contact, Tolen!

  Tolen : I'm busy, Colin.

  Colin : Come on, Tolen. You were telling me to establish contact.

  Tolen : Yes and I'm not referring to touch.

  Colin : Not to touch.

  Tolen : Tactile communication. But, of course, touch comes later.

  Colin : Touch comes later!

  Tolen : Excuse me. I mean, there's a feeling - between you.

  Colin : A feeling!

  Tolen : You're aware of the girl.

  Colin : You're aware!

  Tolen : The girl is aware of of you.

  Colin : She's aware!

  Tolen : The vibrations between you.

  Colin : Vibrations!

• Tolen : That last one had very nice ear lobes.

  Colin : Ear lobes.

• Colin : Couldn't I just share your women, Tolen? I mean, you don't want Rory rampaging through the house, all over the place, with women and things. I mean, a house full of women - sharing - and doing things that none of us ever dreamt of doing before!

• Tolen : Tell me, Colin, how many women have you had?

  Colin : Well, I was late starting.

  Tolen : Two?

  Colin : Late!

  Tolen : Two women in two years. Well, some of us have had more women in two hours.

  Colin : I was late starting!

• Colin : Your's is quite big, isn't it Tolen? How big is your bed, Tolen?

• Colin : Starkers!

  Tom : Never.

  Colin : Bare buff!

  Tom : Let me see!

• Colin : [to Tolen]  Satisfy her.

  Nancy Jones : Rape.

  Colin : She wants raping; so, go in there and rape her!

  Nancy Jones : I'm not being done twice.

• Colin : Now, let's look at this objectively. Some tea. You'll feel better after a nice cup of tea. I'm sure.

• Colin : I couldn't stand it. It would drive me mad. Two of them? The stairs would be on the continual go. All those women. Oh, my blood's not up to it. And the bathroom, what about the bathroom? You'd never get near to the bathroom.

  [he enters the bathroom and sees it filled with women] 

  Colin : That's not a gross exaggeration.

• Colin : The angle of incidence is equal to the angle of reflection.

• Colin : That's what we need in this house - a real steadying influence... A monk! There must be monks, or older men who are accountants. Poor old men, in sexless professions.

• Colin : Her class was doing the behaving! My lads are made of flesh. All that leapin' up-and-down in those... That's what I behavior - that's provocative behavior. We've all got to make allowances. Find our equilibrium at every turn. How?

• Tolen : I could tell you what I know intellectually, what my experience has been.

  Colin : Has been.

  Tolen : But, beyond that, it's a question of intuition. And intuition is to some degree inborn.

  Colin : Intuition - is to some degree - inborn.

• Tolen : I would consider, Colin, letting you come in on this arrangement.

  Colin : Sharing?

  Tolen : You would learn a great many things.

  Colin : What sort of things?

  Tolen : It would be a privilege for you - a great privilege.

  Colin : No.

  Tolen : I feel you deserve to be helped, Colin.

• Nancy Jones : I've been picked up, haven't I?

  Colin : Have you?

  Nancy Jones : Yes, I have, haven't I?

• Tolen : All right, Colin, she's all yours.

  Colin : What?

  Tolen : You have a try.

  Colin : Me?

  Tolen : Yes.

  Colin : Has Cardiff got big docks?

  Nancy Jones : What?

  Tolen : Has Cardiff got big docks?

  Nancy Jones : What?

  Colin : Welsh.

  Nancy Jones : Welsh?

  Colin : Aren't you?

  Nancy Jones : Where did you say the YWCA was?

• Colin : I haven't got the knack to make a girl lie on her back in the rain.

  Tom : It's not raining.

• Colin : Pulse. I can't find a thing. Have they got it in the same place as us?

• Colin : Well, you never can tell, can you?

  Nancy Jones : And that face. No girl would ever suspect.

  Colin : No?

  Nancy Jones : But underneath.

  Colin : What?

  Nancy Jones : Lust!

  Colin : [shyly smiles]  No, never.

  Nancy Jones : Little did his pupils realize that beneath the handsome exterior of their tall, fair-haired, blue-eyed, school teacher, there lived the heart of the beast, lusting for the blood of innocent virgins.

• Colin : Have I really?

  Nancy Jones : What?

  Colin : Got a handsome exterior?

  Nancy Jones : Lovely hands.

• Tolen : What day is this? It want clear out of my head. I can't get involved raping girls *today*. Eighth of December. Albert Hall. I want my suit!

  Colin : Your suit?

  Tolen : Certainly. The mohair.

• Colin : That's right, Colin. She wants you to rape her. That's what its all about. Now, go in there and help her out of her little fantasy - and all will be well!