The Sword in the Stone (1963)
Karl Swenson: Merlin
Photos
Quotes
-
[preparing for the Wizards' Duel]
Madame Mim : Now, first of all, if you don't mind, I'll make the rules.
Archimedes the Owl : Rules indeed! G'ha-ha-ha! Why, she only wants rules so she can break 'em.
Madame Mim : I'll take care of you later, feather-brain.
[Archimedes huffs indignantly]
Madame Mim : Now, Rule One: No mineral or vegetable, only animals. Rule Two: No make-believe things like, uh, oh, pink dragons and stuff. Now, Rule Three: No disappearing.
[pinches Merlin playfully on the nose]
Merlin : Rule Four: No cheating.
-
Merlin : Madam, I have not disappeared. I'm very tiny. I am a germ. A rare disease. I am called malignalitaloptereosis... and you caught me, Mim!
Madame Mim : What!
-
Merlin : Blow me to Bermuda!
[Merlin suddenly blasts off like a rocket]
Arthur : Where... W-where did he go?
Archimedes the Owl : To Bermuda, I suppose.
Arthur : Where's that?
Archimedes the Owl : Oh, an island way off somewhere that hasn't been discovered yet.
Arthur : Will he ever come back?
Archimedes the Owl : Who knows? Who knows anything?
-
Merlin : There! You see? I'm an ugly, horrible, grouchy old man!
-
Merlin : Oh, it's not too serious, madam. You should recover in a few weeks and be as good, uh... he-he-he, I mean, as BAD as ever; but, uh, I would suggest plenty of rest, and lots and lots of sunshine.
Madame Mim : I hate sunshine! I hate horrible, wholesome sunshine! I hate it! I hate it! I hate, hate, hate, HAAATE...!
-
Merlin : Now, Archimedes. Why would you half-drown yourself for a tidbit of fish, eh?, and after such a big breakfast?
Archimedes the Owl : [wringing himself dry] Pinfeathers and...
[puffs up suddenly]
Archimedes the Owl : ...golly fluff!
-
Arthur : You mean you can see everything before it happens?
Merlin : Yes, everything!
Archimedes the Owl : Uh-uh-uh-uh! "Everything," Merlin?
Merlin : Uh, vuh... No, no, not EVERYTHING. I, uh, I admit I didn't know whom to expect for tea, but as you can see... heh-heh!...
[points with his staff to the hole in the roof where Arthur fell through]
Merlin : ...I figured the exact place!
-
Merlin : Archimedes, where... where-where are we?
Archimedes the Owl : In a tumbled-down old tower in the most miserable old castle in all Christiandom. That's where.
Merlin : Uh, c-castle? Castle?
Archimedes the Owl : Don't you even remember the boy?
Merlin : Uh... The boy?
Sir Ector : [outside, to Kay] Can't you remember one blasted thing?
Merlin : [to Archimedes] Now, now, just a moment. I-I...
Sir Ector : Firm grasp on the lance!
Merlin : [realizing it's not from Archimedes] Oh.
-
[Torrential rain. Rider draws up to the portcullis and sounds his horn]
Guard : Who goes there?
Sir Pelinore : Pelinore! It's Pelinore, dash it all! I've got big news from London! BIG NEWS! Come on, man, drop the bridge!
Merlin : [Listening from the guest room] Oh, big news, eh? Hm. They can't wait for the London Times. First edition won't be out for at least, uh...
[looks at watch]
Merlin : ...1200 years. Ha!
[Raps on Archimedes' house]
Merlin : Archimedes? Uh, would you mind sailing down there and, and, uh...
Archimedes the Owl : [irritably] Not interested.
Merlin : Oh, come, come, come, come, now. You're as wet as you can get!
Archimedes the Owl : No! Nope, nope, nope!
Merlin : Archimedes! I'll turn you into a human.
Archimedes the Owl : Hm! You wouldn't dare!
Merlin : I will! So help me, I will!
Archimedes the Owl : All right, all right, all RIGHT!
[Flies off to spy on Sir Ector and Pelinore]
Merlin : All right, eh? He-he-he! Works every time, heh! Just like magic.
-
[Merlin turns Arthur back into a human and Arthur laughs, which causes the girl squirrel to gasp]
Arthur : There, now you see? I'm not a squirrel. I'm a boy.
[the girl squirrel chirps as if asking a question]
Arthur : I tried to tell you. I'm, I'm a boy. A human boy!
[the girl squirrel climbs up to a knot on her tree and sniffs]
Arthur : Oh! If you could only understand.
[the girl squirrel runs up to the hole in the tree and cries her heart out as Arthur remorsefully walks away]
Merlin : Ah, you know, lad, that love business is a powerful thing.
[the girl squirrel, sobbing, watches Arthur slowly walk away]
Arthur : Greater than gravity?
Merlin : Well, yes, boy. In its way, I'd, uh... Yes, I'd say it's the greatest force on earth.
[the girl squirrel climbs to the top of her tree to get one last look at Arthur and sobs one last time as the screen fades to black]
-
Merlin : I have come to educate the Wart.
Sir Ector : Oh, no, you don't. I'm running this place, and if you think you're gonna fiddle with my schedule, you'd better pack up your bag of tricks and be gone!
[Merlin promptly disappears]
Sir Ector : What? Well, by Jove! Hey, he's gone.
Kay : Hm? Good riddance.
Merlin : [disembodied voice] I'm gone, but then, I'm not gone. Heh-heh-heh. So if I do leave, you can never be sure that I am gone, can you?
Sir Ector : Well, uh... heh-heh-heh-heh... Well, I must say, you... got me there, Marvin. Uh, heh. Yes, well, you win. You're welcome to stay if you like.
Merlin : [appearing suddenly] Thank you. You're very kind. Very generous, I must say.
-
Castle Scullery Maid : You old goat! If I ever catch you in my kitchen again, I'll...
Merlin : Madame, you won't!
[promptly disappears]
-
Arthur : [enters Merlin's room wearing his squire robes] Merlin, look! I'm a squire!
Merlin : [disapprovingly] Ha!
Archimedes the Owl : Oh... uh... very nice, boy.
Merlin : Yes, indeed. A fine monkey suit for polishing boots.
Arthur : It's... it's what all squires wear.
Merlin : And I thought you were going to amount to something. I thought you had a few brains! Great future! Ha! A stooge for that big lunk Kay. Congratulations, boy!
-
Arthur : You were really great, Merlin, but... but you could've been killed.
Merlin : It was worth it, lad, if you learned something from it.
Arthur : Knowledge and wisdom is the real power.
Merlin : Right you are, Wart, so stick to your schooling, boy.
Arthur : Oh, oh, don't worry. I will, sir. I will. Oh, I really will.
-
Merlin : [Struggling with a well] A dark age, indeed! Age of inconvenience! No plumbing, no electricity, no nothing!
[Slips and almost falls into the well]
Merlin : Oh, hang it all! Hang it all!
[Starts to leave, but his foot is caught in the chain]
Merlin : Oh, now what, now what? Here, leave off! Leave off! You... you fiendish chain, you! Everything complicated! One big medieval mess!
-
Merlin : Now, now, Mim, Mim, no... no dragons, remember?
Madame Mim : Did I say no purple dragons? Did I?
-
Sir Pelinore : It's not a mere matter of muscle, son. Uh, jousting is, uh... a fine skill. It-it's a highly-developed science.
Merlin : Oh-ho-ho-ho. Science indeed. One dummy trying to knock off another dummy with a bit of a stick.
Archimedes the Owl : And the Wart's just as hot for it as the rest of them.
Merlin : Aye, that he is. That boy has got real spark. Lots of spirit. Throws himself heart and soul into everything he does. That's really worth something, if it could only be turned in the right direction.
Archimedes the Owl : Ha ha! Fat chance of that.
Merlin : Oh, I plan to cheat, of course. Use magic. Every last trick in the trade if I have to.
-
Archimedes the Owl : If the boy goes about saying the world is round, they'll take him for a lunatic.
Arthur : The world is round?
Merlin : Yes. Yes, that's right, and it also, uh, goes A-round.
Arthur : You mean it'll be round SOMEDAY.
Merlin : No, no, no, it's round now. Man will discover this in centuries to come. And he will also find that the world is merely a tiny speck in the universe.
Arthur : Universe?
Archimedes the Owl : Ah! You're only confusing the boy. Before you're through, he'll be so mixed up, he'll... he'll be wearing his shoes on his head!
-
Arthur : I'm in an awful pickle. I'm king!
Archimedes the Owl : Ooo, he pulled a sword from the stone.
Merlin : Ha ha! Of course, of course. King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table.
Arthur : Round table?
Merlin : Oh, uh, w-would you rather have a square one?
Arthur : Oh, no. Round will be fine.
-
Merlin : Don't... don't you get any foolish ideas that magic will solve all your problems, because it won't.
Arthur : But sir, I don't have any problems.
Merlin : Oh, bah! Everybody's got problems. The world is full of problems.
[gets his beard caught in the door]
Merlin : D'oof! Oh, blast it all! There, now! You see what I mean?
-
Sir Ector : [on Archimedes] Say, say, I know! You've got him under a spell, Marvin. You're a magician, hm?
Merlin : The name is MER-LIN and I happen to be the world's most powerful wizard!
Sir Ector : [laughing] Come off it, man! Ha! Hoo-hoo! Gadzooks, ha-ha-ha...!
Merlin : All right, I shall demonstrate.
[clears throat]
Merlin : Higitus, figitus, migitus moe, wind and snow, *swirl and blow*!
[snow billows out of the end of Merlin's wand and covers Sir Ector]
-
Merlin : Hockety pockety wockety wack! Odds and ends and bric-a-brac!
Merlin : [to Wart] Be with you in just a minute, son. Packing's almost done. Ha!
[Merlin's shrinking and packing spell is going so fast that Archimedes, spinning off a rotating globe, rushes into his owl house for refuge. Unfortunately, it too is in the spell. The panicked owl, feeling his house moving...]
Archimedes the Owl : Who... who's there?
[... barely pulls himself out before being crushed]
Archimedes the Owl : [to Merlin] You, you, you - bumbling blockhead!
-
Merlin : Don't take gravity too lightly or it'll catch up with you.
Arthur : What's gravity?
Merlin : Gravity is what causes you to fall.
Arthur : Oh, like a stumble or... or a trip?
Merlin : Yes, it's like a stumble or a... No, no, no, no, no. It's the force that pulls you downward, the... the phenomenon that any two material particles or bodies, if free to move, will be accelerated toward each other.
-
Merlin : [to the sugar pot] Impudent piece of crockery.
-
Merlin : So you must plan for the future, boy! You've got to find a direction! And you've, uh... oh, er... Now, by the by, what direction is this castle of yours?
Arthur : I think it's north, the other way.
Merlin : Oh, oh...
[Mumbles]
Merlin : All right, then we better get a move on. Come on, lad. Pick up the pace. Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up!
-
Merlin : He should be here in, I'd say, half an hour.
Archimedes the Owl : Who? Who? I'd like to know who!
Merlin : I told you, Archimedes, I am not sure. All I know is that someone will be coming. Someone very important.
Archimedes the Owl : Oh, pinfeathers!
Merlin : Fate will direct him to me, so that I, in turn, may guide him to his rightful place in the world.
-
Merlin : Man will fly someday, I tell you! I have been there! I have seen it!
Arthur : Oh, I do hope so. I've always dreamed about flying; that I was a bird and that I could go sailing all over the sky, high above everything...
[Merlin sneaks up behind him and quietly changes him into a sparrow]
Arthur : It's my favorite dream. But then, I suppose everyone dreams about flying.
[notices his new form; now happily starts flying]
Arthur : I'm a bird, I'm a bird, I'm a bird!
Merlin : [laughs] Hold it, boy! Not so fast, not so fast. First, I'd better explain the mechanics of a bird's wing.
[grabs Archimedes' wing and runs his finger along the feathers]
Merlin : Now, these large feathers are called the primaries, and...
Archimedes the Owl : And since when do you know all about birds' wings?
Merlin : I have made an extensive study of birds in flight, and...
Archimedes the Owl : And if you don't mind, I happen to be a bird!
Merlin : All right, Mr. Know-It-All! He's your pupil!
-
Merlin : [another squirrel is pulling his tail] Madam! Madam!
-
Merlin : Set your sights upon the heights, don't be a mediocrity. Don't just wait, and trust to Fate, and say that's how it's meant to be. It's up to you how far you go, if you don't try you'll never know. And that my lad you must expect, unless you use your intellect.
-
Merlin : Higitus Figitus Migitus Mum! Prestigitonium! Higitus Figitus Migitus Mum! Prestigitoni-UM!
-
Merlin : And so my lad as I've explained, nothing ventured nothing gained.
-
Merlin : So you are going to have to start using your brain for a change.
-
Merlin : It a State of Being, a Frame of Mind. It's a most befuddling thing. And to every Being, of every kind, it is Discomboomerating.
