4 for Texas (1963)

Dean Martin: Joe Jarrett

Photos 

Quotes 

• Zack Thomas : They tell me them boots ain't built for walking.

  Joe Jarrett : They ain't exactly house slippers

• Joe Jarrett : Well, you made a mistake: you should have shot off his gun hand.

  Matson : It wouldn't make any difference. Go ahead, shoot it off and I'll still get you. You shoot out my eyes, and I'll still find you! If you put a bullet in my heart then I'll make a deal with the devil! I'd trade him for just enough time to come back from hell and kill you! You hear me? I'm gonna kill you!

• Joe Jarrett : You're right about those boots, they sure ain't made for walkin'!

• Joe Jarrett : [to Zack, about Matson]  You know, if you ever need a friend... I wouldn't count on that character.

• Zack Thomas : How 'bout we get down to business?

  Joe Jarrett : Well I drink much better standing up than sittin'.

• Zack Thomas : Tell me something Mr. Jarrett, how many states would you say you're wanted in?

  Joe Jarrett : How many states are there Mr. Thomas?

• Joe Jarrett : Oh, I give you a hundred thousand dollars and you'll give me pardon, right? You know in most states I can buy a pardon for five thousand dollars and they'll throw in a governor.

  Zack Thomas : Of course you must be thinking of Rhode Island. This here is Texas.

• Joe Jarrett : ...And then there are the kids...

  Zack Thomas : Kids?

  Joe Jarrett : ...All twenty five of them.

  Zack Thomas : Twenty five? You must have the fastest horse in Texas. You'd better have a little more of this to keep your strength up.

• Maxine Richter : [Talking about a nude portraid of herself]  This was the only thing my husband left me. He was a... connoisseur of art.

  Joe Jarrett : It's a shame he didn't leave you any clothes to go with it.

• [first lines] 

  Joe Jarrett : Take a good look at him. He's the bad guy. And Joe Jarrett - that's me, and Zack Thomas, we're the good guys.

  Matson : Let's go.

• Joe Jarrett : Don't try and talk me out of this loot, Zack. I'm no soft hearted railroad president.

  Zack Thomas : I'm trying to talk you into something. Now this here's a lot of money.

  Joe Jarrett : Oh, yeah. Ordinarily a hundred thousand dollars'll be enough for two, but not me. You see, I was born greedy.

  Zack Thomas : But this money's just the beginning, Joe. If my plan works, we'll get a half a million a year.

  Joe Jarrett : Why, thank you, Zach.

  Zack Thomas : Now, you want to buy in?

  Joe Jarrett : I think I'll quit while I'm ahead. Nothing personal, mind you. No, I'm beginning to like you too. And a man who'd try to con you when he has a gun held on him can't be all bad.

  Zack Thomas : Well, like you just said. I guess you underrated me, Joe.

• Zack Thomas : You!

  Joe Jarrett : No, not me. Him.

• Maxine Richter : How do you feel about marriage, Joe?

  Joe Jarrett : Fine, but who'd have us?

  [pause] 

  Joe Jarrett : Oh, no, Max. You're not thinking about marriage?

  Maxine Richter : No. Of course not. Why should I think about marriage?

  Joe Jarrett : That's why I like you, Max. You got brains. You think like a man.

  Maxine Richter : I'm glad, Joe. Then it doesn't bother you that I'm a woman?

  Joe Jarrett : With what you got on, I'd be in trouble if you were a man.

• Joe Jarrett : Well, here we go, Prince George.

  Prince George : Yes, sir.

  Joe Jarrett : Alright, the show is on.

• Joe Jarrett : Alright, men. Let's go.

• Zack Thomas : What do you suggest?

  Joe Jarrett : Well, I don't like to louse up a new sporting jacket, but I think... well, maybe you and I, we could settle this between us, you know. Winner take all.

• [last lines] 

  Joe Jarrett : [narrating voice over]  Good guys always get married and live happily ever after. If it don't turn out too good, well, Zack and me, we figure we can always light out. And uh... oh, yeah, this is the end.

• Moe : Captain, help me out, will you? I'm dealing with two mental midgets here. Now, when I say "go", we'll all point to the right. Go!

  [they all point in different directions. Joe slaps them] 

  Joe Jarrett : Go!

• Joe Jarrett : I'm anybody's man, mostly, my own.

• Joe Jarrett : Okay, start loading. Paper money first. Come on. Don't pout. Just fill the bag. Lets go. Hurry it up. Man, it's gonna be pretty easy to spend that money. Don't forget those. All the sacks. Remember what the Good Book says, now: cheaters never prosper, square-shooters always win. Come on. Lay it up here.

  Zack Thomas : I don't know what Good Book you been readin'; but, I suggest a change in literature. 'Cause what your readin' ain't doin' you much good.

  Joe Jarrett : That's what they told me just before I burned down the Sunday School.

• Joe Jarrett : Looks like money. Feels like money. Sounds like money! It's a lovely sound - money.

  Zack Thomas : Too bad it ain't all gold. That way you could pleasure yourself to death just listening to it.

• Joe Jarrett : You know, I figure you got a name, boy.

  Zack Thomas : Thomas, Zechariah Thomas. And you? Don't make no matter. I'll find out sooner or later.

  Joe Jarrett : Jarrett, Joe Jarrett.

• Zack Thomas : I'm gonna take the horses. All of 'em.

  Joe Jarrett : What about me?

  Zack Thomas : Did you hear what the Injun said when they asked him how come he was ridin' and the squaw was walking? He said, "She got no horse." Now, you just take the group of the horses there and you start walkin' out there to the money. I'll be right behind you.

  Joe Jarrett : If that's what the Indian said, he must have been a pretty smart Indian.

• Zack Thomas : You're mighty agreeable for a man who's about to lose $100,000.

  Joe Jarrett : Well, easy come, easy go.

• Miss Emmaline : Where have you been? What have you been doing?

  Joe Jarrett : Well, there's not too much to tell. After I left here I got out of law school, drifted some, practiced a little here and there, spent a couple of years in the war - on the wrong side, naturally, then I came right back here.

• Joe Jarrett : The unknown don't scare me. The blood of Christopher Columbus flows through my veins.

• Maxine Richter : There is an unwritten law of the sea, I must make you welcome on my ship. Come aboard.

  Joe Jarrett : Yes, Ma'am!

• Maxine Richter : I'm looking for a deal. If somebody wanted to fix this boat up as a gambling casino, for instance, I would be interested in any proposition.

  Joe Jarrett : I like the service on this boat. I think I could make you a proposition.

  Maxine Richter : Good!

• Joe Jarrett : I have no complaints about the hospitality here.

  Maxine Richter : You have been pleased?

  Joe Jarrett : Oh, yes, Ma'am. It was a pleasure being onboard. But, I was just wondering about a few little details . Why did you take those shots at me?

  Maxine Richter : The men here think a European woman is "available." Just like so! But, the shots were a warning. I can be approached; but, on my own terms.

  Joe Jarrett : Oh, I see. Courtship European style. Well, I like everything about it; except the first few minutes.

  Maxine Richter : Oh, I wasn't trying to hit you. It was just a - how you say - a come along.

  Joe Jarrett : Come along? Oh, a come on!

  Maxine Richter : Yeah, come on.

  Joe Jarrett : A 30 caliber come on.

• Joe Jarrett : I got a funny feeling I'm being used.

  Maxine Richter : No. You are not being used. You are being served.

  Joe Jarrett : I'm being served? Alright, but, why me? Why was I elected? Why not Zachary Thomas, for instance?

  Maxine Richter : Well, I was giving him the "come along" too. But, Angel told me you got the money.

  Joe Jarrett : You know, fortunately, I like honesty in a partner.

• Joe Jarrett : Alright, honey, you throw in the boat, I'll throw in the money, have it all fixed up, we'll split 50-50, equal partners.

  Maxine Richter : Equal partners will not work.

  Joe Jarrett : Now, wait a minute, I don't take orders too good.

  Maxine Richter : But, I do! You will give the orders. You will be the master.

  Joe Jarrett : I give the orders?

  [hands Maxine an empty glass] 

  Joe Jarrett : Make that new, fill it up. Another drink.

  Maxine Richter : Yes, sir.

• Joe Jarrett : You know, what I don't understand about European women is why would you want me to be lord and master when I offered you an equal partnership?

  Maxine Richter : It's because of my training, Joe. How things should be between a man and a woman. A man is a partner I don't understand. But, a master. A master - him I know how to handle.

  Joe Jarrett : Don't go away, Max. I just thought of another order.

• Maxine Richter : [showing off a new dress]  How do you like it?

  Joe Jarrett : Just ease it across the hips a little and bring up the neckline.

  Elya Carlson : Oh, I understand, Monsieur, how it is when men contemplates marriage.

  Joe Jarrett : Marriage? Marriage is for married people.

  Elya Carlson : Of course. Now that you're serious, you're already acting like a husband.

  Joe Jarrett : I am most definitely not a husband and I don't ever, ever intend to become one. Besides, marriage has nothing to do with it. It's alright with me if she wants to go out in the...

  Maxine Richter : The all together, Joe?

  Joe Jarrett : Put it anyway you want.

  Zack Thomas : But, if you show the suckers everything at once, they may not come back.

• Joe Jarrett : Women - you can see right through 'em.

• Maxine Richter : You haven't even noticed what I'm wearing.

  Joe Jarrett : You're wearing something?

• Maxine Richter : I like men who worry about me.

  Joe Jarrett : You don't have to worry about me. I'm a great worrier. Sometimes I worry for months on end.

• Maxine Richter : I was afraid after dis afternoon you might think my gown is too revealing.

  Joe Jarrett : Huh?

  Maxine Richter : Do you think my gown is too revealing, Joe?

  Joe Jarrett : Oh, no, no. Too many clothes, you get overheated. It's unhealthy!

• Maxine Richter : Most American men, I discovered, pretend to dislike in public what they prefer in private.

  Joe Jarrett : Well, I'm not exactly in favor of a crowd. But, if you want an audience, you go to a saloon.

• Maxine Richter : But, I think like a man, Joe. You said so yourself.

  Joe Jarrett : But, you sure don't look like a man.

• Maxine Richter : Please, Joe.

  Joe Jarrett : No.

  Maxine Richter : Joe, please.

  Joe Jarrett : No!

  Maxine Richter : Please, Joe.

  Joe Jarrett : No.

  Maxine Richter : Joe. I'll be in here, Joe. I'll wait for you. Please, Joe.

  Joe Jarrett : No.

  Maxine Richter : Joe, please.

  Joe Jarrett : Why should I be strong?

• Joe Jarrett : You know, with your head and my muscle, we got a pretty good chance of running this town.