The Mating Game (1959)
Tony Randall: Lorenzo Charlton
Photos
Quotes
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Lorenzo Charlton : Mr. Larkin, not only have you never once paid any income tax, but you've never even filed an income tax return.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : What's that, return?
Lorenzo Charlton : Yes, one of these forms.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Well, I... well, I never got one. So how could I return it?
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Lorenzo Charlton : Mr. Larkin, I am an agent of the United States government. I'm here to talk to you about your income tax.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Hidey ho, what do you know? Hear that, Ma?
Ma Larkin : A government man.
Lorenzo Charlton : So you see, I can't take favors from taxpayers.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Who's a taxpayer? I never paid a tax in my life. Did I, Ma? Ask Ma. Did I?
Ma Larkin : No, that's right, he never did.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Never.
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Lorenzo Charlton : Poppy!
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Huh?
Lorenzo Charlton : We got a problem on our hands. She's ripe and ready, that girl.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Ah, Ma, she's just practicing. You know, like they say, practice makes perfect.
Lorenzo Charlton : Too much practice takes the edge off the real thing.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : You know me, Ma, I'm all for the real thing.
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Lorenzo Charlton : Mariette's a good girl; so, we got nothing to worry about so far. But, I know the signs. It's time we got her a husband.
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Lorenzo Charlton : Mariette, you go change your clothes. A girl like you wearing pants!
Ma Larkin : Mom!
Lorenzo Charlton : Do what I tell you, hon.
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Lorenzo Charlton : Mr. Larkin, everybody who has a gross annual income of $600 or more has got to file an income tax return.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Well, that let's me out. All I got's a $183. The most money I've ever had in a couple of years.
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Sidney 'Pop' Larkin , Ma Larkin : No offense, but, you look down right seedy.
Lorenzo Charlton : I suppose so.
Mariette Larkin : It's that city air. Dirty's up your blood, hey Pop?
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Yup. I took one look at you laddie-buck, I said to myself, what he needs is a few days in the country.
Ma Larkin : Oh, grand!
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Lorenzo Charlton : Just now out in the yard, I saw a big refrigerator in the truck. How much did that cost you?
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : One second-hand manure spreader.
Lorenzo Charlton : How much did the manure spreader cost you?
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : About, 50 loads of manure.
Lorenzo Charlton : And, Mr. Larkin...
Mariette Larkin : It's A-1, first class manure. Pop gets it at the Dairy. First of all, it's screened and then it's aged and...
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Mariette Larkin : How can you live in a stinkin' city?
Lorenzo Charlton : I work there! And I study law at night.
Mariette Larkin : A lawyer!
Lorenzo Charlton : Well, not for another year. Then, I'm off to Washington.
Mariette Larkin : What for?
Lorenzo Charlton : Experience. Contacts. In another four years I intend to run for Congress.
Mariette Larkin : No kidding? How come?
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Lorenzo Charlton : When a taxpayer shortchanges the government, its the same thing as if he shortchanged his own family. Why? Because the government belongs to everybody.
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Mariette Larkin : One look and I can size a person up. Take this fella I met. Right off I could tell what was the matter with him. A nice looking fella. Smart. Ambitious. But, so serious. Work, work, work! All day long. What he needs, I said, was somebody who could show him how to get some fun out of life. And, I said, I'm just the one to do it.
Lorenzo Charlton : You know, You know what's wrong with you? You're inhibited.
Mariette Larkin : Would you prefer the home spun type? Honey, lamb. Honey, sugar. Sweetie pie. Honey lamb. Suger plum!
Lorenzo Charlton : No!
Mariette Larkin : Maybe a career girl?
[jumps on Lorenzo's lap]
Mariette Larkin : May I take a letter, Senator. Any letter you care to dictate to me. From A to Z. You take it and I'll just run it down your throat.
Lorenzo Charlton : Oh, cut out the monkey business and let me get on with my work. Please!
Mariette Larkin : Well, what type do you like?
Lorenzo Charlton : The silent, invisible type!
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Oliver Kelsey : If you let her get away, you are out of a job!
Lorenzo Charlton : Mr. Kelsey, with your imagination, I think you know what you can do with my job, sir.