The Mating Game (1959)
Paul Douglas: Pop Larkin
Photos
Quotes
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Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : We didn't hurt the pig any. We're taking him back as good as new. Better! A gentleman always feels better after a little outing.
[pats Ma's behind]
Ma Larkin : Oh, fresh!
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Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : You see, the way Ma and I figure, a man who spends his time hoarding money, well, he's like a dog with a large plate full of bones. He's so busy snarlin' and snappin' at the other dogs, he'll like to stave to death himself. But, we enjoy what we have. We eat good. We sleep good. And we feel good.
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Lorenzo Charlton : Mr. Larkin, not only have you never once paid any income tax, but you've never even filed an income tax return.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : What's that, return?
Lorenzo Charlton : Yes, one of these forms.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Well, I... well, I never got one. So how could I return it?
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Lorenzo Charlton : Mr. Larkin, I am an agent of the United States government. I'm here to talk to you about your income tax.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Hidey ho, what do you know? Hear that, Ma?
Ma Larkin : A government man.
Lorenzo Charlton : So you see, I can't take favors from taxpayers.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Who's a taxpayer? I never paid a tax in my life. Did I, Ma? Ask Ma. Did I?
Ma Larkin : No, that's right, he never did.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Never.
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Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : It must have a case of love at first sight. Just like you and me, huh, Ma?
Ma Larkin : Look, here. Don't you go comparing us to a couple of pigs.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Don't you be so touchy.
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Ma Larkin : Careful, now. A boar's a dangerous animal, especially in the mating season.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Ma, every animal's dangerous in the mating season. You oughta know that by now.
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Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Howdy-doodle-doo, Luisa. My, you're looking bright-eyed and bushy tailed.
[turns her around and looks at her bottom]
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Hey, you knocked off some blubber didn't you.
Luisa : Five pounds!
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Well, that looks good.
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Lorenzo Charlton : Poppy!
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Huh?
Lorenzo Charlton : We got a problem on our hands. She's ripe and ready, that girl.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Ah, Ma, she's just practicing. You know, like they say, practice makes perfect.
Lorenzo Charlton : Too much practice takes the edge off the real thing.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : You know me, Ma, I'm all for the real thing.
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Lorenzo Charlton : Mr. Larkin, everybody who has a gross annual income of $600 or more has got to file an income tax return.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Well, that let's me out. All I got's a $183. The most money I've ever had in a couple of years.
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Sidney 'Pop' Larkin , Ma Larkin : No offense, but, you look down right seedy.
Lorenzo Charlton : I suppose so.
Mariette Larkin : It's that city air. Dirty's up your blood, hey Pop?
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Yup. I took one look at you laddie-buck, I said to myself, what he needs is a few days in the country.
Ma Larkin : Oh, grand!
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Lorenzo Charlton : Just now out in the yard, I saw a big refrigerator in the truck. How much did that cost you?
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : One second-hand manure spreader.
Lorenzo Charlton : How much did the manure spreader cost you?
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : About, 50 loads of manure.
Lorenzo Charlton : And, Mr. Larkin...
Mariette Larkin : It's A-1, first class manure. Pop gets it at the Dairy. First of all, it's screened and then it's aged and...
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Ma Larkin : Hon, that kind of fish don't jump in your lap. You gotta bait the hook. Look, go put on your pink dress and use some of my new perfume, that "Orgee." I used some the other night and Pop nearly came unhinged.
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Nearly? Mighty powerful.
Mariette Larkin : Ma, it's not "Orgee," its: Orgy.
Ma Larkin : [pronouncing it correctly] Orgy.
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Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Let me tell you a little secret about women. Now, the reason they're called opposite sex is because when they start to holler, "I hate you," you can bet money, marbles or chalk that they mean the opposite. Food for thought, chum.
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Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : I trust Charlie's figures from here to Hackensack!
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[repeated line]
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Do unto others and they'll do unto you.
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[last lines]
Sidney 'Pop' Larkin : Perfect. Everything, just perfect.