- Poetess: My old man was a bread stasher all his life. He never got fat. He wound up with a used car, a 17-inch screen and arthritis. Tomorrow is a drag, man, tomorrow is a king-sized bust. // They cried, "Put down pot. Don't think a lot." For what? Time how much and what to do with it. Sleep, man, and you might wake up diggin' the whole human race, givin' itself three days to get out. Tomorrow is a drag, pops, the future is a flake. // I had a canary who couldn't sing. I had a cat that let me share my pad with her. I bought a dog that killed the cat that ate the canary. What is truth? // I had an uncle with an ivy-league car. He had life with a belt in the back. He had a button-down brain. Wind up a belt in the mouth and a button-down lip. // He coughed blood on this earth. Now there's a race for space. We can cough blood on the moon soon. Tomorrow is dragsville, cats. Tomorrow is a king-sized drag. // Hula fast shorts, swing with a gassy chick, turn on to a thousand joys, smile on what happened, then check what's gonna happen, you'll miss what's happening. Turn your eyes inside and dig the vacuum. Tomorrow, drag.
- Tony Baker: I'm lookin' to graze on some grass.
- Student: What?
- Tony Baker: Okay, chick. I guess I dialed the wrong number.
- Arlene Williams: Do you belong in my class?
- Tony Baker: And you belong in my class too, Doll.
- [class laughs]
- Tony Baker: You know for a 'teach' you're pretty cool. Why don't we cut out and go to your pad and live it up, huh?
- Mr. Robinson: Get out of my chair.
- Tony Baker: Okay, baldy. You better sit down anyway before you fall down.
- Tony Baker: [to J.I. Coleridge] What's your beef man, I just wanna play friends. Is that a crime in this state?
- Jack Staples: [to his wife] The only problem children I know are the ones that have problem parents, which leaves us out. Cheers, darling!
- Gwen Dulaine: You looking for excitement?
- [takes a bite of an apple]
- Tony Baker: Why not? I'm a citizen!
- Joan Staples: Oh, wow!
- J. I. Coleridge: Cool it!
- Tony Baker: What's that, chum?
- J. I. Coleridge: Beat it!
- Tony Baker: You wanna start a rumble?
- Mr. 'Mr. A' August: Put that drink down. You know what alcohol does to your system.
- J. I. Coleridge: It's my first one.
- Mr. 'Mr. A' August: Now, look. I pay ya for a class family. Upper class. Let's keep it that way. Just lay off the booze. Now get out.
- [pauses, turns to Baker]
- Mr. 'Mr. A' August: Alcohol's murder on the system.
- Tony Baker: Now watch out, that weed might be too strong for you. Wouldn't you rather have a cigarette?
- Jerry Lee Lewis: [singing] Open up, a-honey, it's your lover boy me that's a-knockin', Well, listen to me, baby, all the cats are at the high school rockin', Honey, get your boppin' shoes, Before the jukebox blow the fuse, Everybody's hoppin', Everybody's boppin', Boppin' at the high school hop. Boppin' at the high school hop, A-boppin' at the high school hop, A-boppin' at the high school hop, A-boppin' at the high school hop...
- Tony Baker: I got news for you man, before this crummy day's over, every crummy stud in this whole crummy school's gonna know who Tony Baker is. See, I don't join them and they join me. You dig me?
- Petey: I dig you!
- Tony Baker: Then I'm puttin' it down.
- Petey: Well, I'm pickin' it up.
- Arlene Williams: Slang itself changes with each successive generation. A 15th Century student, for instance, might say that Columbus believed the world was round instead of square. However, today, the word "square" - has an entirely different connotation.
- Tony Baker: You know, if you were 20 years younger, even then, I'd hate to be stuck with you on a date.
- J. I. Coleridge: Come on, now. Cool it, Cats! Now, how'd you like J.I. to lay a little history on you? Now, you heard that square bit she was puttin' down about Christopher Columbus - our founder. Now, I ask you: is this a bring down? Columbus. Why, man, he was the hippest! Now, one swingin' day while Chris was sittin' at the beach, goofin', he dug that the world was round. And with this crazy idea stashed in his lid, he swung over to the royal pad to cut up a few touches with a cool chick, Queen Isabella, who was a swinger. Isabell took a long look at him and say, "Christy! What is this jazz you puttin' down about our planet bein' round?" She said, "Everybody hip that it square!" "The only thing square about this world are the cats what livin'!" He said, "Now, I'm in your pad for one swingin' reason," he says, "I know I can make it east by swingin' west. Now, I wanna take some non-stop studs to go in a deep pool of water with me and maybe come up with the new world bit." Get down, straight! While everybody swings. And if I goof and run into any of them flip Indian kiddies over there, why, I just sit down and smoke a little pipe with 'em. And who knows, baby, maybe run off with a deed to a groovy piece of real estate! She said, "Crazy man!"
- Arlene Williams: I don't want you to call me "doll". My name is Miss Williams.
- Tony Baker: Why be so formal? I mean, you can call me Tony or Daddy-O.
- Arlene Williams: I've had enough of this. I want you to report to Mr. Robinson with me right away.
- Tony Baker: Slam, bam, thank you Ma'am. Back to the warden's office, huh, Doll?
- Arlene Williams: For the last time, will you stop calling me "doll".
- Mr. Robinson: What are you trying to accomplish?
- Tony Baker: I don't dig it?
- Mr. Robinson: Oh, I see. Dig me. I have no objection to your hip talk or hep talk or whatever its called at the moment. But, in my office lets talk just plain old fashioned English. It'll help us to understand each other.
- Tony Baker: Man, what's there to understand? Come to point. You're draggin' your rear axle in waltz time.
- Mr. Robinson: I haven't any idea what you've been saying.
- Police Commissioner Walter Burroughs: In the language the addicts use, amongst themselves, marijuana is referred to as Mary Jane, Pot, Weed, or Tea. They never say to each other, "Let's smoke a marijuana cigarette." They say, "Let's turn on" or "Let's blast a joint."
- Gwen Dulaine: I hate to think of you running around all by your lonely.
- Tony Baker: Hey, I'm a big boy now. I even go out with girls.
- Gwen Dulaine: That's why I worry. Thinking of you coming up against those young, tight sweaters.
- Tony Baker: You ought to know.
- Gwen Dulaine: Stop treating me like a stranger. With Vic out of town, its lonely. Relatives should always *kiss* each other hello and goodbye, polite like.
- Tony Baker: You're gettin' paid for my room and board.
- Gwen Dulaine: But not enough.
- [moves in for a kiss]
- Mr. Robinson: Miss Williams, like many of us, believes in the progressive theory that there is no such thing as a bad boy or girl.
- Tony Baker: Mary Jane's a crazy name. It just makes me frantic. Mary Jane, we've got to get together sometime and have a ball. What do you say doll?
- Tony Baker: Who are you afraid of? Me or yourself? You don't have to worry. I'll see that you behave yourself.
- Joan Staples: Why shouldn't he give me a break? Didn't he turn me on?
- J. I. Coleridge: Come on, you turned yourself on.
- Joan Staples: Petey said you were good people.
- Tony Baker: I know what's happening.
- Joan Staples: I'm dying to blast, but, I'm clean. How about it Tony, you holding?
- Tony Baker: Sorry, doll. I'm trying to make a connection myself. See, I've got the gold, but, no connection.
- Joan Staples: Someday I'm gonna hock the whole place to pay off my debts, just to get myself some reefers.
- Tony Baker: Joan told me that you could straighten me out. See, I wanna score like the Yanks.
- Jukey Judlow: Joan told you?
- Tony Baker: Yeah, she said you and Mary Jane were goin' steady.
- Arlene Williams: You see, there's this group at school and they seem to have formed some bad habits.
- J. I. Coleridge: You sure got the bread, brother.
- Tony Baker: There's a lot more too. If you just help me get some - some H, some coke, some goofballs.