Brigadoon (1954)

Jeff Douglas : There's nothing a woman hates more than her fiancee's best friend. He knows all the secrets she's going to spend the rest of her life trying to find out.

[In a crowded bar]

Tommy Albright : It's hot in here.

Jeff Douglas : It's not the heat, it's the humanity.

Mr. Lundie : Two hundred years ago, the highlands of Scotland were plagued with witches, wicked sorcerers that were taking the Scottish people away from the teachings of God and putting the Devil into their souls. They were indeed horrible destructive women. I dinna suppose you have such women in your country?

Tommy Albright : Witches?

Jeff Douglas : Oh we have 'em. We pronounce it differently.

Jeff Douglas : Frank, put it on the bill.

Bartender : The bill, sir, is very high.

Jeff Douglas : So am I!

Meg Brockie : I'm highly attracted to you. Why, when I look at you I feel wee tadpoles jumping in my spine.

Jeff Douglas : That's about as repulsive an idea as I've heard in years!

Jeff Douglas : If there's *anything* I hate... it's *you*!

Tommy Albright : Look... I'm not saying I believe all this, but just for argument's sake... suppose... suppose a stranger like... well, like... like me... came to Brigadoon and wanted to stay. Could he?

Mr. Lundie : [gives him a long look, then smiles] Aye, he could. Mr. Forsythe provided for that.

Jeff Douglas : He didn't miss a trick, did he?

Mr. Lundie : [laughing] No, lad, he didna! No, a stranger could stay if he loved someone here... not Brigadoon itself, mind, but someone *in* Brigadoon... enough to be willing to give up everything to stay near that person... which is only right because after all, lad... if you love someone deeply enough, anything is possible.

Fiona Campbell : Aye. Anything is possible.

Jeff Douglas : Can you think of one good reason why I, a strange man, should be interested in proposing to you, a mighty strange woman and at this hour of the day?

Meg Brockie : Because you're a lad and I'm a lass!

Jeff Douglas : Well, with that philosophy you must have had a provocative career!

[Tommy is concerned about Jeff's drinking]

Tommy Albright : You told me you were going to ease up.

Jeff Douglas : Yeah I know, but I'm a terrible *liar*.

Jeff Douglas : Well, most of my friends who have inferiority complexes are absolutely right. They're *not* as good as everybody else!

Jeff Douglas : Why are you getting so worked up? If it makes 'em happy to disregard 200 years of human bing-bang, let 'em.

Mr. Lundie : What happened in Brigadoon was a miracle, and most folks dinna believe in miracles. Miracles require faith, and faith seems to be as dead as...

Jeff Douglas : Mr. Forsythe?

Mr. Lundie : [glances at him] Aye.

Tommy Albright : Let me ask you something... suppose someone in Brigadoon got fed up and wanted to leave? What then?

Mr. Lundie : Och, he canna leave!

Jeff Douglas : You mean *I've* got to stay here now?

Jeff Douglas : Like a drink?

Tommy Albright : No, thanks.

Jeff Douglas : Good. That leaves more for me.

Ann : Do you have a wife?

Jeff Douglas : I never touch the stuff. I don't believe in marriage. I've seen too many happy love affairs broken up by it.

Ann : We do not have enough lads in Brigadoon.

Jeff Douglas : Enough for everybody else, or enough for you?

Ann : I should not think a long walk would fatigue a young lad like ye.

Jeff Douglas : A young lad?

Ann : Aye, you're very young.

Jeff Douglas : That's either a deliberate lie or wishful thinking. I am ancient, decrepit and disintegrating rapidly.

Ann : I just hate to leave ya.

Jeff Douglas : You better. When I sleep, I make all sorts of odd noises.

Ann : Who told ya? Ya do not have a wife.

Jeff Douglas : I was engaged once.

Jeff Douglas : You're confused, aren't you boy? If you believed as much as you *thought* you believed, you *wouldn't* be confused.

Tommy Albright : Fine couple of game hunters we are. We come here from New York, and the first night out, we get lost.

Jeff Douglas : Maybe we took the high road instead of the low road.

Jeff Douglas : What did you give 'em? A hunk of uranium?

Tommy Albright : No, just a shilling. What a loony layout this is.

Ann : Oh, you're a braw and handsome lad, Mr. Douglas.

Jeff Douglas : You should see me when I'm rested. I'm almost robust.

Jeff Douglas : Thank you very much. You've been more than kind. Now, if you want to round out your generosity, buzz off.

Ann : This is where I come all day and tend my flock.

Jeff Douglas : When I say it sounds fascinating, I want you to believe me.

Jeff Douglas : You sure have one lulu of an imagination.

Ann : All you men are all alike.

Jeff Douglas : I should certainly hope so.

Ann : You're all brutes! Ya get what ya want from a lass an' then 'tis farewell!

Jeff Douglas : What am I supposed to feel in a voodoo joint like this? Dream stuff, boy, all made up out of broomsticks and wishing wells. It's that or a boot camp for lunatics. I don't know what goes on around here. All I know is that whatever it is, it's got nothing to do with me or you.

Jeff Douglas : You didn't have to come all the way over here just to say that. You could've told me on the phone back in New York for a dime.

Jeff Douglas : It's so much like a dream now that I have to work hard to convince myself it happened at all.

Jeff Douglas : The whole day probably never even happened. Because, you see, this is a fairy tale.

Fiona Campbell : Good day.

Tommy Albright : Good day.

Fiona Campbell : Good day.

Tommy Albright : Good day.

Jeff Douglas : Good day.