Stalag 17 (1953)
Richard Erdman: Sgt. 'Hoffy' Hoffman
Photos
Quotes
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Sefton : I told you boys I'm no escape artist. For the first time, I like the odds, because now I got me a decoy.
Hoffy : What's the decoy?
Sefton : Price. When I go, I want you to give me five minutes - exactly five minutes - to get Dunbar out of that water tank. And then you throw Price out onto the compound, nice and loud. He'll draw every light from every goon tower. It's our only chance to cut through. Well, what do you say, barracks chief?
Bagradian : He's right, Hoffy. It's either Price or Dunbar.
Animal : He killed Johnson and Manfredi, didn't he?
Hoffy : It's all yours.
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Hoffy : What's the matter with you, Security? You were always so calm. Especially when you let Manfredi and Johnson go out there.
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Sefton : [questioning Price] When was Pearl Harbor, Price, or don't you know that?
Price : December 7th, '41.
Sefton : What time?
Price : [smugly] 6:00. I was having dinner.
Sefton : [smirks] 6:00 in Berlin.
[to the other barrack members]
Sefton : They were having lunch in Cleveland. Am I boring you boys?
Hoffy : Go on.
Sefton : He's a Nazi, Price is. For all I know his name is Preissinger or Preishoffer. Oh, sure, he lived in Cleveland. But when the war broke out, he came back to the Fatherland like a good little Bundist. He spoke our lingo, so they sent him to spy school and fixed him up with phony dog tags.
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Sefton : What is this anyway, a kangaroo court? Why don't you get a rope and do it right?
Duke : You make my mouth water.
Sefton : You're all wire-happy, boys. You've been in this camp too long. You put two and two together and it comes out four - only it ain't four.
Hoffy : What's it add up to you, Sefton?
Sefton : It adds up that you got yourselves the wrong guy. Because, I'm telling you, the krauts wouldn't plant two stoolies in one barracks. And whatever you do to me, you're gonna have to do all over again when you find the right guy.
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Marko the Mailman : Are the doors covered?
[the men cover the doors]
Hoffy : Yeah, they're covered.
Marko the Mailman : Okay, Steve, give them the radio.
[Blondie pulls a radio and earphones from under Steve's pant leg]
Marko the Mailman : You can keep it for two days.
Hoffy : Two days? We're supposed to have it for a week.
Marko the Mailman : You're lucky to get it at all! The boys are afraid the Jerries will find it in here. This barracks is jinxed!
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Hoffy : They ought to be under the barbed wire soon.
Shapiro : Looks good outside.
Animal : I hope they hit the Danube before dawn.
Price : They've got a good chance. The longest night of the year.
Duke : I'll bet they make it to Friedrichshaven.
Animal : I bet they make it all the way to Switzerland.
Sefton : And I bet they don't get out of the forest.
Duke : Now what kind of crack is that?
Sefton : No crack. Two packs of cigarettes say they don't get out of the forest.
Hoffy : That's enough, Sefton. Crawl back in your sack.
Shapiro : He'd make book on his own mother getting hit by a truck.
Sefton : Anybody call?
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Price : Anybody asks for your papers, you're French laborers. And here's your map, Kraut money, Swiss francs.
Sgt. Manfredi : Roger.
Price : All right, now let's hear it one more time, boys.
Sgt. Johnson : We've been over it a hundred times.
Hoffy : Let's hear it again.
Sgt. Manfredi : We stick to the forest going west until we hit the Danube.
Price : Check.
Sgt. Johnson : Then we follow the Danube up to Linz.
Price : Check.
Sgt. Johnson : In Linz, we hop a barge and go all the way to Ulm.
Price : Check.
Duke : [Joey begins playing his ocarina] Stop it, Joey. Joey!
[he stops]
Duke : Go back to sleep.
Price : Go on. You're in Ulm.
Sgt. Johnson : Once in Ulm, we lie low until night. Then we take a train to Friedrichshafen.
Sgt. Manfredi : Once in Friedrichshafen, we steal a rowboat, get some fishing tackle, and start drifting across the lake, always south, 'til we hit the other side. Switzerland.
Sefton : Once in Switzerland, just give out with a big yodel, boys, so we'll know you're there. It's a breeze.
Hoffy : Stay out of this, Sefton.
Sefton : Just one question. Did you calculate the risk?
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Sgt. Schulz : Well, well, gentlemen, am I interrupting something?
Hoffy : Yeah, Schulz, we were just passin' out guns.
Sgt. Schulz : Guns?
[realizing he's kidding]
Sgt. Schulz : Ah, you're joking. Always with the visecrackers.
Shapiro : Visecrackers. Where did he pick up his English, in a pretzel factory?
Sgt. Schulz : You always think I'm a square. I've been to America. I've been wrestling there. I wrestled in Milwaukee and St. Louis, in Cincinnati, and I will go back. The way the war is going, I will be there before you.
Shapiro : You should live so long.
Sgt. Schulz : [sharing a laugh, then stopping] Here. That's me in Cincinnati.
Animal : [taking a picture] Who's the other wrestler? The one with the mustache?
Sgt. Schulz : That's my wife.
Animal : Hey, look at all that meat. Ain't she the bitter end?
Sgt. Schulz : [taking the picture back] Oh, give it back. You must not arouse yourself.
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Hoffy : I called a meeting of the barracks chiefs this morning, Sefton. I thought maybe I could get you transferred to another barracks. But it turns out that nobody likes you any more than we do.
Sefton : So you're stuck with me, huh?
Animal : Maybe the Russian broads would take him.
Shapiro : Not with that kisser. Not anymore.
Duke : You got off lucky last night, Sefton. One more move, and you'll wake up with your throat cut!
Price : You listening, Sefton?
Sefton : Yeah, I still got one good ear.
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Hoffy : [after Sefton escapes with Dunbar] All right, men, everybody back in their bunks. Like nothing happened.
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Hoffy : Since you want us to speak up, there was a man removed from this barracks last night. A Lieutenant Dunbar. We'd appreciate your looking into it. That's if they haven't shot him yet.
Geneva man : Why was the man arrested?
German Lieutenant : Sabotage. He blew up a train.
Hoffy : They'd have to prove that first, wouldn't they? Isn't that what the Geneva Convention says? You can't just take a man out and shoot him.
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Sefton : Lieutenant Dunbar?
Lt. James Skylar Dunbar : Yeah.
Sefton : It wouldn't be James Skylar Dunbar from Boston?
Lt. James Skylar Dunbar : Yes, it sure would. Do we know each other?
Animal : Oh, he's from Boston, too, but you wouldn't know him. Not unless you had your house robbed.
Sefton : Maybe he would. We were gonna be officers together, remember? Only they washed me out. Glad to see you made it. Of course, it couldn't be that all of that dough behind you had something to do with it. His mother's got $20 million.
Lt. James Skylar Dunbar : 25.
Sefton : They've got a summer home in Nantucket with an upstairs polo field. Better put a canopy over his bunk.
Hoffy : Lay off, Sefton.
Sefton : Say, with all your mother's pull, how come you're not a chicken colonel by now?
Hoffy : Lay off, I said, unless you want your head handed to you.
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Animal : Did you have a good time over there?
Sefton : Oh. Somebody was peeking. Yeah, had a dreamy time. Those dames, they really know how to throw a party. I've known some women in my time, but between you and me, there's just nothing like the hot breath of the Cossacks. There are a couple of blonde snipers over there. Real man-killers. They...
[seeing his foot locker open]
Sefton : What's this? What happened, Cookie? Who did it?
Hoffy : We did it.
Sefton : There better not be anything missing. This is private property.
Price : So was the radio private property. So were Manfredi and Johnson.
Sefton : What about the radio?
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Hoffy : [seeing Blondie making use of ping pong balls] What's the idea? You don't think you can eat that stuff.
Sgt. 'Blondie' Peterson : We're building us a smudge pot so Patton can find us when he comes. 20 parts of cellulose, 1 part phosphorous. Watch.
[demonstrating]
Sgt. 'Blondie' Peterson : He'll be able to see our smoke signal four miles away.
Hoffy : But Patton is 400 miles away.
Sgt. 'Blondie' Peterson : Well, I say be prepared.
Hoffy : [laughing] Okay, Boy Scout.
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Bagradian : How did he ever find out about that ammunition train?
Price : You two must have shot your mouths off all the way from Frankfurt to here.
Bagradian : No, we didn't.
Hoffy : Maybe just a hint or so? Think hard.
Bagradian : I don't have to think. We didn't say anything to anybody. Not a word. Not until we hit this barracks.
Sefton : [everyone turns to look at him] What are you looking at me for?
[the guards outside call for lights out]
Sefton : I suppose some jerk's gonna say I did it.
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Animal : [opening Sefton's foot locker] Of all the hoarding cruds.
Hoffy : It looks like Macy's basement, don't it?
Lt. James Skylar Dunbar : That kid's richer than my mother.
Shapiro : [as he picks up a cuckoo clock, the bird pops out and "chirps"] Ah, shut up!
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Duke : How come the Krauts knew about that stove, Security? And the tunnel? How come you can't lay down a belch around here without them knowin' it?
Price : Look, if you don't like the way I'm handling this job, go get yourself...
Hoffy : Kill it, Duke. It's got us all spinnin'.
Duke : I just wanna know what makes them Krauts so smart.
Animal : Maybe they do it with radar. Maybe they got a mic hidden somewhere.
Shapiro : Yeah. Right up Joey's ocarina.
Duke : Or maybe it's not that they're so smart. Maybe it's that we're sto stupid. Maybe there's somebody in our barracks tipping 'em off, like one of us!
Sefton : You don't say.
Duke : Yes, I do say! One of us is a stoolie. A dirty, stinking stoolie!
Sefton : Is that Einstein's theory or did you figure it out for yourself?
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Hoffy : Hey, Sefton. What's the big idea? Take that telescope out of here.
Sefton : Says who?
Hoffy : Says me.
Sefton : You take it out. Only you're gonna have a riot on your hands.
Hoffy : Every time the men get Red Cross packages, you have to think up some angle to rob 'em.
Price : When the Krauts find that gadget, they'll throw us all in the boob.
Sefton : They know about that gadget. I'd worry more about that radio.
Duke : Maybe they also know about your distillery and the horse races.
Sefton : That's right.
Duke : Just what makes you and them Krauts so buddy-buddy?
Sefton : Ask Security. Go on, tell him, Price. You've got me shadowed every minute of the day. Or haven't you figured it out yet?
Price : Not yet.
Hoffy : Answer the question. How do you rate all these privileges?
Sefton : I grease the Kraut guards. I give 'em ten percent of the take.
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Animal : [finding a pair of pantyhose in Sefton's foot locker] For crying out loud. What would he be doing with these?
Duke : Suppose you ask me. Go on, ask me. Because I got the goods on Mr. Sefton. Because this time, he didn't shake me.
[setting up the telescope at the window]
Duke : Take a look for yourself. It'll curdle your guts.
Animal : [realizing] The Russian women!
Hoffy : [ushering him out of the way] Get away.
Duke : Here, try the end window, where the candy is.
Shapiro : Come on, Hoffy, we all want to see.
Hoffy : How'd he get over there?
Duke : Easy. Walked right through the gate, past the guard, like he was some Kraut field marshal.
Hoffy : Now we know what he got for the radio.
