- Aunt Amarilla: Right now we will have lunch, as only Gaston can prepare it.
- Yolanda Aquaviva: I am hungry.
- Aunt Amarilla: Good. I've planned something a little special. Fresh caviar, which was flown here from Russia, avocados flown here from California, and roast pheasants - they fly here themselves.
- Aunt Amarilla: You have the largest, most modern stables in the entire country. Do you like horses?
- Yolanda Aquaviva: Oh yes, I do.
- Aunt Amarilla: Fine, we must buy a horse.
- Victor Budlow Trout: Johnny, do you realize the penalty for impersonating an angel?
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: No, what is it?
- Victor Budlow Trout: Well, it's - it's - pretty severe.
- Yolanda Aquaviva: Mr. Brown doesn't dance... except, perhaps, on the head of a pin.
- Aunt Amarilla: Oh, I should like to see that.
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: You didn't tell anybody I was your guardian angel, did you?
- Yolanda Aquaviva: Not exactly. All I said was that you weren't a real man. My aunt doesn't believe me.
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: I'm glad of that. I'd rather it didn't get around.
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: I'm afraid you made a mistake.
- Policeman: Oh no, Señor, no mistake. We have here your descriptions.
- Victor Budlow Trout: It's a mistake.
- [Motioning to himself and Johnny.]
- Victor Budlow Trout: We don't look like this.
- Victor Budlow Trout: You know our policy: never mix business with pleasure and women are bad business.
- Victor Budlow Trout: Must be awfully rich, eh? Millionaire, would you say?
- Train Steward: Very rich, señor. As you Americans say: filthy.
- Victor Budlow Trout: Yes. Well, what sort of a chap is this filthy Aquaviva? I mean, how does one contact him? Has he got any vices? Hobbies? Does he play gin rummy?
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: Don't worry, Junior, Mr. Aquaviva will probably meet you at the station and hand you a blank check.
- Victor Budlow Trout: Johnny, this place isn't so bad. In fact, it's bursting with golden opportunity. Virgin territory. New fields to conquer! And two gladiators riding toward the horizon with swords upraised. Wait a minute, don't forget the nicest part: there are no extradition laws here. U.S. police can't touch us.
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: You got a point there.
- Victor Budlow Trout: If you're thinking what you're thinking, my advice is forget it!
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: My advice is never to take your advice.
- Victor Budlow Trout: When you're hungry here, you don't need money. You just pick your fruit from a tree.
- [picks an orange from a fruit stand]
- Victor Budlow Trout: This is the Garden of Eden, my boy.
- Fruit Vendor: Yes, a dollar, por favor.
- [Johnny pays the Fruit Vendor]
- Fruit Vendor: Gracias, señor.
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: Listen, Adam, when your trees begin to bear champagne, caviar, and well-tailored suits, I'll string along with you. In the meantime, let's do it my way, huh?
- Yolanda Aquaviva: [singing] This angel is an angel, Who protects me and brings, Heavenly, heavenly things...
- Victor Budlow Trout: You could be the greatest crook in the world! But, not if you get mixed up with a woman.
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: There's no time to lose. Every lose crook in the business will be buzzing around this pot of honey.
- Aunt Amarilla: [to an 18 year old Yolanda] My dear, when you left you weighed only 30 pounds. How you've filled out!
- Gaston, the Chef: The caviar, the avocados, and the pheasants - you forgot to order them.
- Aunt Amarilla: Well, there must be something to eat in the house. Search the kitchen. Do we have some sardines? Open a can of those. They're delicious. Oh, and some of those graham crackers.
- Aunt Amarilla: I wish to pay tribute, here and now, to others who deserve it. This gallant crew, they helped sail the ship while I, the Captain, steered on the poop deck. Or, is it the bridge?
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: I can't quite make out what his angle is. But, he's the most dangerous of all. He's got an honest face.
- Duenna: [on the telephone] I'm sorry, Miss Yolanda's not at home.
- Yolanda Aquaviva: Wait, please! You said that I wasn't home?
- Duenna: Yes?
- Yolanda Aquaviva: But I'm right here.
- Duenna: But, this is a man.
- Yolanda Aquaviva: No, please, there's one thing I've wanted for so long - - - to talk on a telephone.
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: You have trouble about money. I shall relieve you of it - the trouble I mean. But, I must have absolute, unquestioning obedience.
- Yolanda Aquaviva: Oh, I shall do whatever you tell me.
- Aunt Amarilla: Mr. Brown, you're extraordinary. You don't eat. You don't drink. You fly by yourself. You've been here an hour and you haven't tried to steal anything. I wonder what you're up to?
- Yolanda Aquaviva: [singing] Let the band begin, Playing Lohengrin, Take me to you, I'll be true you, Wait and see, Across the funny little doorstep, Come and carry me, Honey, marry me...
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: We try to keep our work on a lofty plain. We don't do mind-reading or tell fortunes. Heaven is not a gypsy tearoom!
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: Think only of the things that make you happy, not those that make you sad. Yolanda, do you want to make me happy?
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: Life is not a succession of moonlight and music. And every night is not a fiesta. We must take it as it comes.
- Mr. Candle: You know, when I was a Boy Scout, one of the first things we learned was never try to stuff a tree in your pocket... . Something to think about.
- Aunt Amarilla: I specifically ordered luncheon to be ready at two o'clock.
- Gaston, the Chef: That is true, but is now one o'clock.
- [sic]
- Aunt Amarilla: Oh, that, Gaston, is a clumsy excuse.
- [Whispering to Yolanda]
- Aunt Amarilla: As you can see, with the servant shortage, he knows he's got me over a barrel.
- Yolanda Aquaviva: Mr. Brown, this is my aunt.
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: Aunt? Why, you mean your sister.
- Aunt Amarilla: Oh, Mr. Brown, you're an angel.
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: Yes, didn't you know?
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: But she knows I'm a crook. The whole thing is impossible.
- Mr. Candle: Young man, sometimes you try my patience. I've just made a flood, washed out a bridge, caused a train to turn back, and you have the nerve to sit there and tell me that something is impossible.
- Aunt Amarilla: Emilio, can you ever forget that day 18 years ago when Miss Yolanda left?
- Emilio: I am sorry, Senora, but I have only been here for six months.
- Aunt Amarilla: Yes, of course, I had you confused with him. You remember when Miss Yolanda left, don't you my good man?
- Plumber: I do not belong here at all. I am only the plumber.
- Aunt Amarilla: [Turning to Yolanda] Well, take my word for it - you left. But the main thing is, you're back.
- Aunt Amarilla: Oh, my dear, you're just overwrought. A girl on the verge of being a bride is a frightening thing. I know. I've been on the verge constantly.
- Aunt Amarilla: [to Yolanda] You'll love the Blue Room.
- Housekeeper: But, senora, you are already in the Blue Room.
- Aunt Amarilla: You would have loved the Blue Room.
- Aunt Amarilla: George, show Miss Yolanda around the grounds. Darling, have you got a good stout pair of shows? I'm told it's very exhausting.
- Aunt Amarilla: I thought there was something strange about Mr. Brown. But I wouldn't be in any hurry to rush back to that nunnery, if I were you. This is one of the nicest love letters I've ever seen.
- Yolanda Aquaviva: Oh, no, I'm afraid Mr. Brown wouldn't be interested in that sort of thing, would you?
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: No, nothing interests me less than worldly goods.
- Victor Budlow Trout: [Under his alias] Pardon my curiosity, but, uh, how many students do you have living here?
- Mother Superior: Usually between 60 and 70, Mr. Charles.
- Victor Budlow Trout: And, I suppose they each have spending money.
- Mother Superior: Oh, yes. The younger children receive the equivalent of five cents a week, and the older girls ten cents.
- Victor Budlow Trout: Well, that's fine. Have you ever thought of putting a couple of slot machines in the play room?
- Aunt Amarilla: Is he here?
- Yolanda Aquaviva: Yes and no.
- Aunt Amarilla: How can a man be here and not be here?
- Yolanda Aquaviva: [Telling Mr. Brown she has a surprise for him, and as the Footman unveils a huge harp] Something to remind you of home.
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: What're you doing, having a nightmare?
- Victor Budlow Trout: Me? I was just about to float you back form wherever you were. When you have a nightmare, you sure keep busy.
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: Oh! Oh what a jam I was in.
- Yolanda Aquaviva: I wouldn't try to stop Mr. Brown. If we wishes to enter this house, nothing can stop him - no walls, no doors, no, no locks, nothing.
- Aunt Amarilla: Oh, one of those, is he? Well, I know how to deal with him.
- Johnny Parkson Riggs: How much do you want for us to push you back to town?
- Taxi Driver: I make you a flat rate.