- Monty Stephens: [to the Bosun's Mate] There's three things that worry me, Chief, ever since we had to drop out of the convoy. Where are we, where we're headed, and do you think we'll make it?
- Orval 'Handsome' Martin: Yeah, and will the beer be cold when we get there?
- Orval 'Handsome' Martin: There's certainly a lot of stupid people in this world.
- Monty Stephens: You can say that again!
- Orval 'Handsome' Martin: There's certainly a lot od stupid people in this world.
- Orval 'Handsome' Martin: [Playing solitaire] Seven more months on this paddle boat and I'll be talking to myself!
- Monty Stephens: Well, don't listen, or you'll be bored.
- Dan Arland Jr.: The sun comes up, the sun goes down. Inbetween, nothing. We don't even know where we're going.
- Monty Stephens: I know where I wish we were going. Right back to that blonde in Melbourne.
- Dot Diamond: [singing] If your honey's acting cold as ice, Gentlemen, here's the cure, So, you got yourself a date, So, your arms can hardly wait, Don't be a goon, Take a look at that moon, Ready! Aim! Kiss!
- Monty Stephens: I get a feelin' we'll end up in New Guinea.
- Dan Arland Jr.: Yeah, that'd be a fine place to spend a leave. Jungles, swamps, mud...
- Monty Stephens: Faucet hose with hot and cold running malaria, mosquitos, 140 in the shade, no shade, and no *dames*. Only crocodiles.
- Jason: Mr. Dan, my, my.
- Dan Arland Jr.: How are you?
- Jason: You look just the same as you did when you left, only more so. I bet you gave them Japs some kickin' around, didn't you?
- Dan Arland Jr.: It felt good.
- Lucy Banning: Darling, what finely made up your mind?
- Jason: Well, I woke up one morning and decided your picture was the only one I wanted to look at.
- Lucy Banning: Lie to me some more, honey. It sounds just wonderful.
- Jason: With Miss Annabelle here, everything is gonna be just like it used to be.
- Dan Arland Jr.: Well, I'm afraid not, Jason.
- Jason: Well, it could be.
- Dan Arland Jr.: You've been a good cupid; but, I think I've worn out your bow and arrow.
- Orval 'Handsome' Martin: All my life I've wanted to kiss a - lady bass horn player.
- Monty Stephens: Boy, give me a saxophone. It's got more range.
- Mrs. Elizabeth Arland: We must get back to the house. You two have a whole week to spend together exactly as you please - and I have every moment of it planned. Come along.
- Monty Stephens: Look, I wanna talk to Dan Arland. There's two dames down here all set to tear him apart.
- Daniel Arland: I just wanted to clear up a few scientific facts about the natives.
- Dan Arland Jr.: Just like in the pictures, Dad.
- Daniel Arland: Oh, yes?
- Mrs. Elizabeth Arland: Jason, I want you to play Mr. Junior's song. You know, his *favorite*.
- Jason: His favorite? Oh, yes, I know. I know.
- [singing]
- Jason: Two silhouettes 'neath the starry sky, Lost in a dream together, So deep in their love, They weren't aware of, The sudden change in the weather, Time to reminisce, A raindrop and a kiss, Two hearts that seem to pound like thunder, Does a memory still remain? Apple blossoms in the rain, When you said goodbye, The blossoms wondered why, The rain began to fall like teardrops, Is there still an ember? Do you still remember? Apple blossoms in the rain...
- Dot Diamond: [singing] When Sioux City Sue, Starts rollin' those eyes of blue, You oughta see those local yokels, Pursue Sioux City Sue...
- Dot Diamond: [singing] Everyones doin' the samba, It's a dance that gets under your skin, There's no subduin' the samba, You've just got to give out and give in...
- Dan Arland Jr.: Snap out of it. It's a beautiful morning. The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming. We got six days left to go. What more do you want out of life?
- Orval 'Handsome' Martin: A lady baseball player.
- Annabelle Rogers: Why don't you girls draw straws for him?
- Carol Dean: Oh, that suits me, if the winner gets the pleasure of beating his brains out.
- Lucy Banning: What brains?
- Dan Arland Jr.: Well, isn't that about what it says?
- Orval 'Handsome' Martin: Well, if it is, she sure is beating around the bush.
- Monty Stephens: I'm gonna just sit over here awhile and brood over the girl that left me behind.
- Orval 'Handsome' Martin: Yeah, I should have stood on board ship with my pinup girls.
- Dan Arland Jr.: The poor little kids. I hate to think of them ruining their last pair of nylons crawling back to me.
- Dan Arland Jr.: You're my pals, aren't you?
- Monty Stephens: Well, recklessly speaking, yes.
- Orval 'Handsome' Martin: Now, I bet I don't even get a lady bugler.
- Dan Arland Jr.: I'm afraid that both girls are a trifle, shall we say, mercenary.
- Orval 'Handsome' Martin: Oh, go ahead and be vague. We're confused anyhow.
- Dan Arland Jr.: What did I ever do to deserve this?
- Annabelle Rogers: You fiddled with a couple of lady fiddlers.
- Dan Arland Jr.: Just what did you expect of me?
- Lucy Banning: Marriage, of course.
- Dan Arland Jr.: And you?
- Carol Dean: Marriage, of course.
- Dan Arland Jr.: Swell. We'll have a double wedding. I'll reserve the bridal suite at San Quentin.
- Carol Dean: [to Lucy] At least we'll know where he is, won't we.
- Annabelle Rogers: I've decided I want to stay. It's going to be a lot of fun watching the masterful male stew in his own juice - wolf stew. Sounds delicious!
- Annabelle Rogers: I just want to teach him a lesson. I think we can two-time the two-timingness out of that...
- Carol Dean: Sea-going Solomon. That...
- Lucy Banning: We've used up all the words. Now's the time to do something. Even if I don't get him, I intend to see him roped, branded, and broken to the saddle if its the last thing I do, so help me. Where do we go from here?
- Annabelle Rogers: To the branding corral.
- Orval 'Handsome' Martin: [on the phone] $500, 000? Look Hoskins, How many times have I told to not to bother me with truffles, eh, trifles. Certainly buy it! What do you think I pay you 5,000 a week for?
- [hangs up phone, to Carol and Lucy]
- Orval 'Handsome' Martin: That was my breaker.
- Monty Stephens: Broker.
- Orval 'Handsome' Martin: Broker.
- Dot Diamond: Boy, oh, boy, what a day. I was a bridesmaid, then a best man, flower girl, ring bearer, and witness. Everything but a bride.
- Monty Stephens: What do you suggest, Dan? Gee, I don't wanna lose Carol.
- Dan Arland Jr.: Get them hooked solid, then they'll forgive your deception. You've got to romance them a little more. More moonlight, more fun. Laughter, love!
- Monty Stephens: If cupid shoots you in the pants with an arrow, what have you got?
- Orval 'Handsome' Martin: Tail feathers?
- Dan Arland Jr.: Look, honey. When a wise guy trips over his own bright ideas, don't waste sympathy on him.
- Annabelle Rogers: It seemed like a funny joke when I started. But, I must have lost the punch line someplace.