- Carmelita Lindsay: I will find my Uncle Matt and your plum dumpling and I will tell you where they are and everything will be hunky dory!
- Lt. Pierre Gaston de la Blanc: Where is she? Where is my little plum?
- Carmelita Lindsay: Who's a plum and where's who?
- Lt. Pierre Gaston de la Blanc: My Fifi. My queen pigeon. My adored one. I'm expiring. And, furthermore, I'm slowly annoying.
- Carmelita Lindsay: I think maybe you got the wrong house by mistake. We got no pigeons or plums around here. What do you think this is? A blue plated special?
- Carmelita Lindsay: I'll get the evidence; even though I'd die blushing.
- Rudolph - the Hotel Clerk: You hope.
- Carmelita Lindsay: You put Lord Epping to bed and I go and help Aunt Della give Uncle Matt a piece of her brain!
- Dennis Lindsay: I got an idea. It's a cinch. We'll tell her the truth!
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: The truth? Women never believe the truth!
- Carmelita Lindsay: I just found out it wasn't Uncle Matt who was stepping around. It was Dennis - who was cross-doubling me!
- Dennis Lindsay: Listen, Fifi, you've got me and Uncle Matt into a lot of trouble.
- Fifi: But, it is not my fault Daddy.
- Dennis Lindsay: Where do you get this Daddy stuff?
- Fifi: You are my sweet Papa and in America a sweet Papa is a Daddy.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: If she sees me with you, she'll smell a rat.
- Carmelita Lindsay: Do I smell like a rat?
- Carmelita Lindsay: Oh, you want your plum pudding? I bring her to you.
- Lt. Pierre Gaston de la Blanc: I have found my plum pudding. She is here.
- Carmelita Lindsay: Uncle Matt, you got to disappear, out of sight, right now!
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Why? What's wrong?
- Carmelita Lindsay: I can't tell you hear. The ears have walls.
- Carmelita Lindsay: What about? You want to fight my Uncle Matt?
- Lt. Pierre Gaston de la Blanc: Because he has come here with my little plum. Because my honor has been disgraced. Because I am disgusting!
- Carmelita Lindsay: I can see that.
- Lt. Pierre Gaston de la Blanc: Thank you. You know where I can find him, no?
- Carmelita Lindsay: I think so. I go look for him.
- Lt. Pierre Gaston de la Blanc: Thank you. Madam has been a great service to me.
- Miss Emily Pepper: Are you wacky?
- Lt. Pierre Gaston de la Blanc: Wacky? No, I'm Pierre. Pierre Gaston de la Blanc.
- Miss Emily Pepper: Oh, you are.
- Miss Emily Pepper: He has two wives.
- Sheriff Judson: Oh, he's a bigamist!
- Miss Emily Pepper: Of the worst sort. He's a Peeping Tom, too. I caught him on the roof.
- Carmelita Lindsay: I'm gonna call the police and tell them Lord Epping is fighting a duel.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: So what?
- Carmelita Lindsay: You go ahead and pretend to start it. Then, the police arrive to stop it just in the nicotine.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Nico - nicotine? Nick of time!
- Carmelita Lindsay: Well, what's the difference? As long as they show up before you get the nick in the neck.
- Carmelita Lindsay: This is no more monkey polish, is it?
- Dennis Lindsay: No more monkeyshines, I swear.