- Vance Irby: Remember, when we meet, we've never seen each other before. Then the Federals can't suspect.
- Julia Hayne: Oh, I'm an expert at that now. Treating friends like strangers and enemies like friends.
- Confederate Sergeant Checking Passengers: What's your business, Sam? Goin' to visit your wife?
- Sam Moore - Black Driver: No, Suh! I's flyin' away from her - and fast too!
- Vance Irby: I'm sure I can make it.
- Jefferson Davis: Well, General Page?
- Confederate Gen. Page: If Captain Irby says he can, he will, sir. J. E. B. Stuart told me he was the smartest scout he ever had. And he added that Irby could lead a cavalry raid to Hades and back.
- Jefferson Davis: From what I hear, that's a pretty accurate description of Virginia City, General.
- 'Marblehead': Doggone that confounded, dadgummed, slab-sided, dad-burned, tarnation, doggone...
- Olaf Swenson: Quiet!
- Julia Hayne: Do you remember the last Christmas I spent here before the war? Frost was glistening in all the fields, holly wreaths were in all those windows, mistletoe in the hall. And Father standing in the doorway with the light behind him, so straight and proud and handsome. And now - wet leaves cover the ground at Shiloh, don't they, Vance?
- Vance Irby: Julia, why do you torture yourself with memories?
- Julia Hayne: What have I got left? The war's taken everything.
- Vance Irby: Not me, Julie.
- Vance Irby: Virginia City seems to be quite a Union stronghold, ma'am.
- Julia Hayne: Yes, it's red, white and blue all over.
- Kerry Bradford: All over?
- Julia Hayne: Of course there are a few copperheads here, but they're harmless.
- Gen. George Meade: What are their qualifications?
- Kerry Bradford: Well, sir, Marblehead there...
- 'Marblehead': Yes, sir!
- Kerry Bradford: He's probably one of the finest horse-thieves east of Chicago.
- 'Marblehead': You mean Kansas City, sir.
- Kerry Bradford: Oh, Kansas City. And Moose...
- Olaf Swenson: Yes, sir.
- Kerry Bradford: Well, he's had four wives, so he's had to learn how to keep undercover.
- Mr. Upjohn: Just to think, I tried to sell that ruffian life insurance.
- Olaf Swenson: Oh, he wasn't as tough as my last wife.
- Mr. Upjohn: Pardon, I didn't know you were married.
- Kerry Bradford: Married? Only four times.
- Olaf Swenson: Five!
- Mr. Upjohn: All insured, I hope.
- Title Card: LIBBY PRISON, Richmond, Virginia. The dreaded black-hole of the Confederacy, known to thousands of captives as "The Devil's Warehouse"
- Kerry Bradford: Don't reach for that. Put 'em up! I thought that little derringer of yours looked a little bit too well used to be a sample, Mr. Murrell. In any case, I didn't like your face. As a matter of fact, I still don't. See if he's got another gun, Moose.
- Mr. Upjohn: The war! The war! When I think of all those brave boys on the battlefields. So many of 'em! It's bad for business, you know.
- John Murrell: What is your business, Mister?
- Mr. Upjohn: Life Insurance! Perhaps I could interest you in a policy?
- Julia Hayne: I haven't said thank you. If you hadn't been here, Mr. Bradford...
- Kerry Bradford: But I had to be here. Don't you believe in predestination? You had to be here too, so did Murrell. There's probably a future reason for it.
- Olaf Swenson: What about you, little man? Will you have a drink?
- Mr. Upjohn: A drink? Moosehead, when I come out of that saloon I'd be so teetotally tight that if I live to be 108 years old I'll die with a hangover.
- Vance Irby: Hello, Cobby, what's on your mind?
- Cobby: Miss Julia came in on the stage last night, but she was afraid to come here, so she sent me. But, she wants you to meet her at the Sazerac tonight.
- Vance Irby: How did she look, Cobby?
- Cobby: Oh, swell! Happy as a colt in clover.
- Saloon Spieler: Step this way, folks, to the door of rum, riches and rapture. The one and only famous Sazerac Saloon, known from Philly to Frisco. See the Living Lily, the only person ever framed in the Sazerac. She inhales, she exhales. She does everything but talk, and she is liable to do that. Just look on the inside, folks. See and hear the most beautiful girls that ever escaped from a female seminary.
- Julia Hayne: Any friend of Mr. Bradford's is a friend of mine. I'm glad you're joining us. You know how it is: more drinks, more percentage.
- Kerry Bradford: Yeah. To the belle of the Sazerac!
- Olaf Swenson: What's he doing out here?
- Kerry Bradford: I don't know, but I imagine he's on the same business as we are.
- Sazerac Saloon Bartender: Ain't that your music, Miss Julie?
- Julia Hayne: [singing] As they march through the town, With their banners so gay, Well, I ran to the window, To hear the band play, I peaked through the blinds, Very cautiously then, Lest the neighbors should say, I was looking at the men...
- Kerry Bradford: I came back to ask you if you'd forgive me for...
- Julia Hayne: For - being disappointed in me? Well, I suppose you couldn't help it.
- Kerry Bradford: No, it wasn't that. But it was such a surprise seeing you up there. If things had been the other way around, you'd...
- Julia Hayne: I couldn't imagine you out there dancing the cancan.
- Kerry Bradford: No. That's a funny thought. I'd probably get mixed up in my skirts.
- Julia Hayne: No matter how much a man's in love he really wonders whether the woman's quite good enough for him or not. But when a woman's in love, well, she's just in love and that's the end of it.
- 'Marblehead': By golly. Ain't a man got time to get a little grog around here?
- Kerry Bradford: You're groggy enough, partner.
- 'Marblehead': So the Union forces retreat, huh?
- Kerry Bradford: Yes, sir. The third battle of Bull Run.
- Kerry Bradford: I can't depend on you any longer, I can see that. Serve you right if I knocked your bone-heads together!
- 'Marblehead': If I ever get my hands on that cow-hided Murrell again, I'll make him squall like a mashed cat.
- Julia Hayne: I was afraid you wouldn't see me, because I'm a Virginian.
- Abraham Lincoln: Why, I've got a lot of friends down south, Miss Hayne, and more relatives in Virginia than a Blue Ridge rabbit.