- [Last lines]
- Ollie: That Laurel is the dumbest thing I ever saw.
- Bert Hardy: The other one is too.
- Ollie: You're absolutely right, Bert. Neither one of them can see any further than the end of their nose.
- [Ollie and Bert walk off the pier into the bay. Fade out]
- Stan: What would you like Bubbles?
- Mrs. Betty 'Bubbles' Laurel: Now, don't rush me, lover. I think I'll have a nice Welsh Rarebit.
- Joe Grogan: One Welsh Rarebit.
- Stan: With cheese.
- Joe Grogan: With cheese.
- [Double-take stare at Stan]
- Bert Hardy: Garcon? Garcon?
- Joe Grogan: What do you mean Garcon? Grogan's the name. What'll you have?
- Bert Hardy: Why, I'd like a nice, large, cold flagon of beer.
- Joe Grogan: What's yours?
- Alf Laurel: Bring me two nice, clean straws that haven't been used.
- Joe Grogan: [comes back to the table with beer and straws] That'll be a quarter.
- Bert Hardy: A quarter? What for?
- Joe Grogan: Ten cents for the beer and fifteen cents for the straws.
- Finn: [hands Hardy a bill] Here, have yourselves a fling.
- Bert Hardy: A dollar? We can't do much flinging on a dollar.
- Alice: [At Denker's Beer Garden] Joe, who are these men?
- Joe Grogan: When they were here before, they called themselves Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy.
- Mrs. Daphne Hardy: [Slaps the table] That's all I want to know!
- [to Ollie]
- Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Pay the check and let's get outta here.
- Alice: Yes, pay it! We've been waiting two hours for you to bail us out. Bye-bye, baby face!
- Mrs. Daphne Hardy: So, you went to a Punch and Judy show, huh!
- Mrs. Daphne Hardy: [Stops the desert cart] Pardon me.
- [to Laurel]
- Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Hey you, give me a hand.
- [They each pick up a side of a giant birthday cake]
- Mrs. Daphne Hardy: One, two, three.
- [... and drop it on Hardy's head]
- Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Happy Birthday, to you.
- Alf Laurel: This isn't his birthday?
- Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Never the less - Many Happy Returns. Come on, Betty, this is final!
- [Storms off with Betty Laurel]
- Bert Hardy: What did you want to go help her for?
- Alf Laurel: Well I didn't know what she was going to do.
- Bert Hardy: That's right, you wouldn't.
- Ollie: I think I'll have...
- Joe Grogan: I know what you two guys are gonna have...
- [walks off]
- Mrs. Betty 'Bubbles' Laurel: That's an awfully fresh waiter.
- [Grogan returns and places a beer between Stan and Ollie. The throws two spoons and two straws on the table]
- Alf Laurel: Did you see what I saw?
- Bert Hardy: Certainly, You know who they are? They're our twin brothers, Stan and Ollie
- Alf Laurel: What are they doing here?
- Bert Hardy: I don't know.
- Alf Laurel: What's in the package, Cappy?
- Captain of SS Periwinkle: None of your business what's in it! Go on, get outta here. And don't call me Cappy!
- Bert Hardy: Hey, Finn! Are you coming back?
- Finn: I wouldn't say yes and I wouldn't say no. Oh, and if I see Alice and Lily, I'll give 'em your love. Maybe I'll give 'em a kiss for you!
- Alice: [to Ollie] Say, listen big boy, I don't think much of your taste. Ditching us for a couple of old frumps like these!
- Mrs. Daphne Hardy: I beg your pardon! Do you know who you're talking to?
- Alice: Ah, sit down old lady, before you fall apart.
- [Sits down on Ollie's lap]
- Alice: Now listen, cutie, I don't think that was very nice of you to walk out and leave us sitting here.
- Ollie: [Stands up] I beg your pardon, madame, but just what do you mean?
- Lily: What are you looking so innocent about?
- Stan: I'm not so innocent.
- Mrs. Betty 'Bubbles' Laurel: You bet you're not! And if you're as guilty, as I think you are, you ought to be ashamed of yourself!
- Finn: The last time I saw them they had no clothes on.
- Mrs. Daphne Hardy: They had no clothes on? Who is this man?
- Ollie: I don't know, Mommy, he's an absolute stranger to us, isn't he?
- Stan: He certainly is! Who am I - eh, you?
- Ollie: But, Momma, let me explain.
- Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Don't ever speak to me again - you overstuffed Casanova!
- Drunk: Hello, buddies. What's the trouble now?
- Ollie: Oh, we just had a little argument with the wives.
- Stan: Yeah, you see, they don't understand us. So we're going to teach them a lesson. Aren't we Ollie?
- Ollie: Yes and we're going to stay out - all night!
- Stan: Yeah, till nine o'clock.
- Drunk: You know that's funny. I'm in the doghouse too!
- Ollie: Well, we're all in the same boat!
- Alf Laurel: Well, what do you think we better do?
- Bert Hardy: That's entirely up to you. You thought of a way to get us into this mess. Now, think of a way to get us out of it.
- Bert Hardy: [Stranded in a hotel with no clothes, Laurel suggests they dress up like the "fellas that look like Eskimos" in "Singapore" - using bed quilts and towels as their set of clothes] That sounds screwy to me. But, any old port in a storm.
- Alf Laurel: It might be a good idea.
- Bert Hardy: You've gotta be right once in your life!
- Mrs. Betty 'Bubbles' Laurel: Stan and Oliver have been arrested. And they haven't any clothes on! And they've taken them to the police station. Oh!
- Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Oh, this is a fine state of affairs!
- Alf Laurel: What'd he say?
- Bert Hardy: I don't know?
- Man wearing a Turban: Don't you speak Arabic?
- Bert Hardy: Oh, no sir. We're a couple of Singapore Eskimos.
- Alf Laurel: Funny looking dames, aren't they?
- Bert Hardy: I don't know. I kinda like that big, fat blonde.
- Alf Laurel: The little one wasn't so bad.
- Bert Hardy: They're cute.
- Bert Hardy: What's the matter? We can explain everything?
- Alice: You can't explain those two old cronies!
- Alf Laurel: They're not old cronies. They're a couple of old welfare workers.
- Alice: Well, sit down and have a drink.
- Bert Hardy: We will as soon as we get rid of these two old battle-axes.
- Alf Laurel: Yeah, we'll soon get rid of them.
- [the two old battle-axes walk up behind them]
- Alice: Is that so!
- Bert Hardy: Oh, we want you to meet the two girls we met this afternoon.
- Alf Laurel: Yeah, Lily and Alice.
- Mrs. Daphne Hardy: I know all about them - you ungrateful hound!
- Captain of SS Periwinkle: You double-crossing swab, give me that ring.
- Ollie: Are you trying to frighten me? Go ahead, little boy, and peddle your fish.
- Finn: Before, it was two to one. Now, it's three to two. That makes it even.
- Alf Laurel: You must be balmy. We haven't seen you since...
- Finn: Balmy, am I! At 'em boys!
- Alf Laurel: You're sure lookin' good, Stanley. But, how you have altered.
- Stan: You've altered too, but, you haven't changed a bit.