Our Relations (1936)

Oliver Hardy: Oliver 'Ollie' Hardy, Bert Hardy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Stan : Shakespeare.

  Ollie : Longfellow. What goes up the chimney?

  Stan : Santa Claus.

• [Last lines] 

  Ollie : That Laurel is the dumbest thing I ever saw.

  Bert Hardy : The other one is too.

  Ollie : You're absolutely right, Bert. Neither one of them can see any further than the end of their nose.

  [Ollie and Bert walk off the pier into the bay. Fade out] 

• Bert Hardy : Garcon? Garcon?

  Joe Grogan : What do you mean Garcon? Grogan's the name. What'll you have?

  Bert Hardy : Why, I'd like a nice, large, cold flagon of beer.

  Joe Grogan : What's yours?

  Alf Laurel : Bring me two nice, clean straws that haven't been used.

  Joe Grogan : [comes back to the table with beer and straws]  That'll be a quarter.

  Bert Hardy : A quarter? What for?

  Joe Grogan : Ten cents for the beer and fifteen cents for the straws.

• Finn : [hands Hardy a bill]  Here, have yourselves a fling.

  Bert Hardy : A dollar? We can't do much flinging on a dollar.

• Mrs. Daphne Hardy : [Stops the desert cart]  Pardon me.

  [to Laurel] 

  Mrs. Daphne Hardy : Hey you, give me a hand.

  [They each pick up a side of a giant birthday cake] 

  Mrs. Daphne Hardy : One, two, three.

  [... and drop it on Hardy's head] 

  Mrs. Daphne Hardy : Happy Birthday, to you.

  Alf Laurel : This isn't his birthday?

  Mrs. Daphne Hardy : Never the less - Many Happy Returns. Come on, Betty, this is final!

  [Storms off with Betty Laurel] 

  Bert Hardy : What did you want to go help her for?

  Alf Laurel : Well I didn't know what she was going to do.

  Bert Hardy : That's right, you wouldn't.

• Ollie : I think I'll have...

  Joe Grogan : I know what you two guys are gonna have...

  [walks off] 

  Mrs. Betty 'Bubbles' Laurel : That's an awfully fresh waiter.

  [Grogan returns and places a beer between Stan and Ollie. The throws two spoons and two straws on the table] 

• Ollie : Stan took me to see and Punch and Judy show; I haven't seen one of those since I was a kid.

• Alf Laurel : Did you see what I saw?

  Bert Hardy : Certainly, You know who they are? They're our twin brothers, Stan and Ollie

  Alf Laurel : What are they doing here?

  Bert Hardy : I don't know.

• Stan : Shakespeare.

  Ollie : Longfellow.

  Stan : Needles.

  Ollie : Pins.

• Ollie : Come in, Mrs. Avaquist.

  Stan : It wasn't Mrs.Twiddlepass.

  Ollie : Not Twiddlepass, Addlequist, eh, Ataquist, eh, never mind who it was, who was it?

• Stan : Shakespeare

  Ollie : Long - Not now!

• Bert Hardy : Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into!

• Bert Hardy : Hey, Finn! Are you coming back?

  Finn : I wouldn't say yes and I wouldn't say no. Oh, and if I see Alice and Lily, I'll give 'em your love. Maybe I'll give 'em a kiss for you!

• Stan : Shakespeare.

  Ollie : Longfellow.

  Stan : What goes up the chimney?

  Ollie : Smoke.

• Alice : [to Ollie]  Say, listen big boy, I don't think much of your taste. Ditching us for a couple of old frumps like these!

  Mrs. Daphne Hardy : I beg your pardon! Do you know who you're talking to?

  Alice : Ah, sit down old lady, before you fall apart.

  [Sits down on Ollie's lap] 

  Alice : Now listen, cutie, I don't think that was very nice of you to walk out and leave us sitting here.

  Ollie : [Stands up]  I beg your pardon, madame, but just what do you mean?

• Finn : The last time I saw them they had no clothes on.

  Mrs. Daphne Hardy : They had no clothes on? Who is this man?

  Ollie : I don't know, Mommy, he's an absolute stranger to us, isn't he?

  Stan : He certainly is! Who am I - eh, you?

• Ollie : But, Momma, let me explain.

  Mrs. Daphne Hardy : Don't ever speak to me again - you overstuffed Casanova!

• Ollie : Do you realize what you've done?

  Finn : I don't care what I've done. Serves you right for not introducing me. Besides, they weren't so hot anyway. Where did you pick them up? Did you win them on a punch bowl?

• Ollie : I'm going to teach them a lesson.

  Stan : How do you mean?

  Ollie : We are going to stay out all night! And we are not going home until they come to us and apologize!

  Stan : That's a good idea. We'll give them enough rope so we can hang ourselves.

• Drunk : Hello, buddies. What's the trouble now?

  Ollie : Oh, we just had a little argument with the wives.

  Stan : Yeah, you see, they don't understand us. So we're going to teach them a lesson. Aren't we Ollie?

  Ollie : Yes and we're going to stay out - all night!

  Stan : Yeah, till nine o'clock.

  Drunk : You know that's funny. I'm in the doghouse too!

  Ollie : Well, we're all in the same boat!

• Stan , Ollie : All for one and one for all!

  Drunk : All!

  Stan : Shakespeare.

  Ollie : Longfellow.

  Drunk : George Washington.

  Ollie : What goes down the flue?

  Drunk : A good slug of liquor!

  Ollie : Right!

• Alf Laurel : Well, what do you think we better do?

  Bert Hardy : That's entirely up to you. You thought of a way to get us into this mess. Now, think of a way to get us out of it.

• Bert Hardy : [Stranded in a hotel with no clothes, Laurel suggests they dress up like the "fellas that look like Eskimos" in "Singapore" - using bed quilts and towels as their set of clothes]  That sounds screwy to me. But, any old port in a storm.

  Alf Laurel : It might be a good idea.

  Bert Hardy : You've gotta be right once in your life!

• Alf Laurel : What'd he say?

  Bert Hardy : I don't know?

  Man wearing a Turban : Don't you speak Arabic?

  Bert Hardy : Oh, no sir. We're a couple of Singapore Eskimos.

• Alf Laurel : Funny looking dames, aren't they?

  Bert Hardy : I don't know. I kinda like that big, fat blonde.

  Alf Laurel : The little one wasn't so bad.

  Bert Hardy : They're cute.

• Bert Hardy : Hey, listen, sailor. Lay off of the blonde! I saw her first!

• Bert Hardy : What's the matter? We can explain everything?

  Alice : You can't explain those two old cronies!

  Alf Laurel : They're not old cronies. They're a couple of old welfare workers.

• Alice : Well, sit down and have a drink.

  Bert Hardy : We will as soon as we get rid of these two old battle-axes.

  Alf Laurel : Yeah, we'll soon get rid of them.

  [the two old battle-axes walk up behind them] 

  Alice : Is that so!

  Bert Hardy : Oh, we want you to meet the two girls we met this afternoon.

  Alf Laurel : Yeah, Lily and Alice.

  Mrs. Daphne Hardy : I know all about them - you ungrateful hound!

• Captain of SS Periwinkle : You double-crossing swab, give me that ring.

  Ollie : Are you trying to frighten me? Go ahead, little boy, and peddle your fish.