Disorder in the Court (1936)

James C. Morton: Court Clerk

Quotes 

• Court clerk : [as Curly come up to him]  Take off your hat.

  [Curly does with his right hand] 

  Court clerk : Now, raise your right hand.

  [Curly put his hat back on and does] 

  Court clerk : [points to the Bible]  Now put your left hand here.

  [Curly goes to do so but can't because his cane is in that hand, so he switches it to his right hand then does so] 

  Judge : [to Curley]  Take off your hat.

  [Curly does again with his right hand] 

  Court clerk : Raise your right hand.

  [Curly put his hat back on again and does so] 

  Court clerk : [Points to the Bible again]  Now put your left hand here.

  [Again, Curly switches hands with his cane to do so] 

  Judge : Please take off your hat.

  [Curly does again with his right hand and the same charade happens] 

  Court clerk : [Getting increasingly impatient]  Raise your right hand! Now put your left hand here.

  Judge : [Getting annoyed]  Will you please take off your hat!

  [Again, the same charade happens] 

  Court clerk : [Through clenched teeth]  Raise your right hand!

  [Curly shows annoyance as well as he does so this time] 

  Court clerk : Now put your left hand here!

  Judge : [Yells]  Take off your hat!

  [Curly does so this time with his left hand and sticks it on top of his cane] 

  Court clerk : Raise your right hand!

  [Curly does holding the cane and hat, the clerk grabs the hat and shoves it back at Curly] 

  Court clerk : Will you get rid of that hat?

  Curly : [Hangs his cane on the pocket of the clerk, then puts his hat on the clerk]  Raise *your* right hand.

  Court clerk : [He does, then realizes what he's doing, takes off the hat and places it under the Bible, then to Curly]  Raise your right hand.

  [Curly finally does] 

• Judge : Take the stand.

  Curly : [picks the chair up]  Where'll I put it?

  Judge : No, no, take the stand!

  Curly : I got it! Now what'll I do with it?

  Court clerk : [angrily sets it back down]  SIDDOWN!

• Court clerk : I'll SUE you for this.

  Moe : Oh, sue-perstitious eh?

• Court clerk : [speaking to Curly rapidly]  Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

  Curly : [confused]  Huh?

  Court clerk : [rapidly]  Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

  Curly : Are you trying to give me the double talk?

  Court clerk : [rapidly]  Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

  Judge : [exasperated]  Why don't you answer him?

  Curly : He's talking Pig Latin. I don't know what he's saying.

  Judge : He's asking if you swear...

  Curly : No, but I know all the words!

  Judge : He's asking if you'll swear to tell the truth!

  Curly : Truth is stranger than fiction, judgie wudgie.

  [titters] 

  Judge : [impatiently]  Kindly address this court as "your honor" and take the oath!

  Judge : [rapidly]  Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

  Curly : Certainly. What have I got to lose?