Tit for Tat (1935)

Oliver Hardy: Ollie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Oliver : [Escorting Grocer's Wife down the stairs from the bedroom]  I've never been in a position like that before!

  [laughs] 

  Oliver : But, it's certainly a pleasure to have seen you again.

  Grocer's Wife : Oh, it's my pleasure!

• Oliver : I remember you!

  Grocer : And I remember you too. Now get out of my store and stay out!

  Oliver : Oh, don't be like that. Let bygones be bygones. Let's help each other. You have a business, and we have a business. We'll send people to your store, and you send people to our store. What do you say?

  Grocer : You mind your business and I'll mind my business. Now get out before I throw you out!

• Oliver : My reputation: It has been ruthlessly dragged through the mud and mire. Never let it be said that a Hardy's spotless reputation to be so maliciously tread upon.

  Stanley : You're right, Ollie; he who filters your good name steals trash.

• Oliver : [scolding Stan for operating the sidewalk elevator while a cop was standing on it]  Do you wanna get us arrested before the customers arrive?

  Stanley : What time are they going to be here?

• [Oliver is on the windowsill on the second story of a store] 

  Stanley : What are you doing up there?

  Oliver : I'm waiting for a streetcar.

  Stanley : Where are you going?

• Oliver : Tit for tat.

  Stanley : What?

  Oliver : Tit for tat.

  [Stan tips his hat] 

  Oliver : What's that for?

  Stanley : I thought you said, "Tip me hat".

• Policeman : [breaks up a fight between Stan, Ollie and Charlie]  Just a minute. Don't you think this thing has gone far enough? Who started this anyway?

  Oliver : [he and Stan point to Charlie]  He did.

  Grocer : I did not.

  Oliver : Why he did too. Why this little upstart, in the presence of my friend, slandered my character, for which I demanded an apology. He refused to give it, hence this petty little argument.

  Policeman : Slandered your character?

  Stanley : Yes, sir. He filtered his good name, didn't he?

  Policeman : Filtered his good name?

  Oliver : Why you know what he did? He accused me of a clandestine meeting with his wife.

  [Mae gasps] 

  Oliver : For which I was wholly, and absolutely, innocent.

  Grocer : Then what were you doing coming downstairs with my wife?

  Grocer's Wife : Oh, what nonsense. There was nothing to it.

  Stanley : Nothing to it, Officer. He was waiting for a street car...

  Policeman : [to Charlie]  Well it looks like you're to blame. You better apologize to this gentleman.

  Grocer : I will not.

  Policeman : Oh yes you will, or I'll run you in.

  Grocer : Well, alright. But don't let it happen again.

  Oliver : [They shake hands]  No hard feelings.

• [first lines] 

  Oliver : Good morning officer.

  Policeman : Good morning. Well, open for business, eh?

  Oliver : Yes, sir. We would have opened yesterday; but, my partner had a nervous breakdown.

• Oliver : Why don't you be more careful?

  Stanley : Well I didn't know he was on top of that thing.

  Oliver : Do you want us to be arrested before the customers arrive?

  Stanley : What time are they going to be here?

  Oliver : Why, they'll be be here about a half - "what time are they going to be here?" Why, customers come at any time!

• Grocer : [to Ollie]  Hey, just a minute you! What is the secret between you and my wife?

  Oliver : I have nothing to say.

  Stanley : Neither have I.

• Oliver : [to the Grocer]  I shall take this up with my barrister.

  [turns to leave] 

  Oliver : Come, Stanley.