Twice Two (1933)
May Wallace: Mrs. Laurel
Quotes
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Mrs. Laurel : Where's the ice cream?
Stanley : They didn't have any.
Mrs. Laurel : Why didn't you go somewhere else?
Stanley : Well I spent the fifteen cents calling you up.
Mrs. Hardy : That's the dumbest thing I ever heard of.
Mrs. Laurel : You keep out of this.
Mrs. Hardy : I won't. I won't. I won't. I won't. I won't.
Mrs. Laurel : [to Stan] Sit down. "Spent the fifteen cents calling me up." Hmph!
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Stanley : Fanny.
Mrs. Laurel : What?
Stanley : Would you go to the kitchen and get the horse's radish?
Mrs. Laurel : You go get it yourself. "Horse's radish"! Hmph!
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Mrs. Hardy : Why don't you leave him alone. You're always picking on him. Pick pick pick pick.
Mrs. Laurel : You keep your big mouth out of this!
Mrs. Hardy : [gasp] Did you hear what she said?
Oliver : [gives a little nod]
Mrs. Hardy : [crying] I haven't got a big mouth have I?
Oliver : [shakes his head]
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Delivery boy : Does Mrs. Laurel live here?
Mrs. Hardy : Mmm-hmm.
Delivery boy : Will you see that she gets this cake?
Mrs. Hardy : I certainly will.
[takes the cake and goes to her]
Mrs. Hardy : The man said to be sure you got this.
Mrs. Laurel : Thank you.
Mrs. Hardy : [slams the cake into her face]
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Stanley : Fifteen cents for the strawberry ice cream.
Soda Jerk : We haven't any.
[Stan looks dumbfounded for a moment, then looks at the fifteen cents in his hand and goes to use the payphone near the counter]
Mrs. Laurel : [at the house, the phone rings] Hello? Stanley says they haven't any strawberry ice cream.
Mrs. Hardy : Well, get tutti-fruitty.
[playfully giggles]
Mrs. Laurel : [to Stan] Well, get tutti-fruitty.
[playfully giggles]
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Stanley : Give me tutti-fruitty.
Soda Jerk : We haven't any!
Mrs. Laurel : [phone rings] Oh, there it goes again!
[answers it]
Mrs. Laurel : Hello? Well, get chocolate.
[hangs up]
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Mrs. Laurel : [to Mrs. Hardy] Just because you wear the pants in your family, that's no sign you're going to wear them in mine.
Oliver : Oh, well I wear my own pants in this family.
Mrs. Laurel : Yes, and I wear mine.
[Stan takes that literally and lifts her dress to see if she's wearing pants, and she slaps his hands away]
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Mrs. Hardy : [to Stan] Don't pay any attention to her. It serves us right for marrying into such a family.
Oliver : Wait a minute. What's the matter with my family? I'll have you know that my family's just as good as your family.
Mrs. Hardy : Oh yeah?
Oliver : Yeah.
Mrs. Hardy : After all our family's done for your family...
Oliver : [slaps the table repeatedly] Let's stop this arguing and get dinner over so I can find out what the surprise is.
[Stan spits out his drink. Mrs. Laurel glares at him while Ollie looks down sheepishly]
Mrs. Laurel : Oh, so you told him, didn't ya?
[looks upward. Stan follows her gaze, only for her to smash a dish on his chin]
Mrs. Laurel : Now let that be a lesson to ya.
Mrs. Hardy : If I wasn't a perfect lady, I'd bust you in the nose.
-
Mrs. Laurel : You get that hussy out of here!
Mrs. Hardy : Don't call me a hussy!
Oliver : Sit down.
Mrs. Hardy : I'm not a hussy, am I?
Oliver : No.
Mrs. Laurel : Get that dame out of my house before I go nuts!
