Helpmates (1932)
Oliver Hardy: Ollie
Photos
Quotes
-
Ollie : Do you realize that this is the only suit that I've got left? It's enough to make a man burst out crying.
Stan : [Stan starts to cry] Well, I couldn't help it. I was doing the best I could...
Ollie : Shut up and get this mess cleaned up! Do you know that my wife will be home at noon?
Stan : Say, what do you think I am? Cinderella? If I had any sense I'd walk out on you.
Ollie : Well, it's a good thing you haven't any sense!
Stan : It certainly is!
-
Ollie : Why weren't you over to the party last night?
Stan : I couldn't make it. I was bitten by a dog.
Ollie : You were what?
Stan : A dog bit me.
Ollie : I can't understand you. Spell it.
Stan : A dog bit me. B-I-it me. Bit me.
Ollie : Where?
Stan : [Rolls up sleeve and puts the telephone to the injured area] There! And they took me to the hospital.
Ollie : Get closer to the phone, I can't understand you.
Stan : I said they--I said they took--They took me to the hospital.
Ollie : Was it serious?
Stan : Yeah. The doctor said I might get hydrophosphates.
Ollie : Hydrophosphates? You mean hydrophobia.
-
Ollie : [to himself in a mirror] There were times when I had high hopes for you. But, that time is past. I'll tell you what's wrong with you in two words: im-possible!
-
Ollie : Listen, I'm in a slight predicament. My wife's coming home at noon today, unexpectedly. And just look at this house.
Stan : [sees the mess] What's the matter with it?
Ollie : What's the matter with it? You never met my wife, have you?
Stan : Yes, I never did.
Ollie : What do you mean "Yes I never did"?
[shows him wedding photo of a frowning bride]
Ollie : That's my wife.
Stan : Isn't she sweet.
Ollie : Charming.
Stan : Where is your wife?
Ollie : She's in Chicago with her mother.
Stan : Is she having a nice time?
Ollie : Sure, she's having a nice time, she's been gone for more than a week, I-I don't care whether she's having a nice time or not!
-
Ollie : [shouts] Hello!
Mrs. Hardy : Don't you yell at me. I'm not deaf!
Ollie : Oh, hello, honey baby. Where are you?
Mrs. Hardy : Where am I? I'm down here at the railroad station. And if I stay here much longer they'll put me in the roundhouse.
-
Ollie : If she comes home and sees this house like this, she'll know that I've been having a wild party!
Stan : I've never known it to fail.
Ollie : What?
Stan : When the mice are away, the cats are always playing around, thing, and--doing something. If the mice run...
Ollie : I want you to help me clean this house. I'd do the same for you!
Stan : No, you wouldn't.
Ollie : Yes, I would!
Stan : Oh, no, you wouldn't.
Ollie : How do you know I wouldn't?
Stan : 'Cause I'm not going to get married.