Pardon Us (1931)

Tiny Sandford: Shields - Prison Guard

Photos 

Quotes 

• Oliver : We're not going to the mess hall. We're not going to eat.

  Prison Guard : You're not going to eat?

  Stanley : No, we're on a hunger strike.

  Oliver : Imfatically.

  Prison Guard : What? You're going to pass up that nice, big roast turkey with chestnut dressing, and sweet potatoes Southern style, great big pans of hot biscuits, and strawberry shortcake smothered in whipped cream, sprinkled with powdered sugar, with a nice, big maraschino cherry on the top of it. Course, followed by a... a nice, big slice of ice cold watermelon and a big, black cigar.

  Stanley : Any nuts?

  Prison Guard : All you can eat of them.

  Stanley : How about postponing the strike 'til tomorrow?

  Oliver : Well... But not one minute after tomorrow.

  Prison Guard : Come on, fall in!

  Stanley : [later; Stan sees their meal of gruel]  Hey! What about that turkey dinner?

  Prison Guard : [shouts]  Sit down, you!

• Warden : [seeing Stan and Ollie for the first time] 

  [sadly] 

  Warden : My, my, and still they come. Let us begin with a perfect understanding. I am just as sorry to see you here as you are to be here. Keep one thing in mind, it all depends on you yourselves just how you're going to fare during your stay here. Never forget that this is a prison, and in a prison, all the rules must be obeyed. Discipline is the one thing that must be observed. If you are good prisoners, everything will be okay. If you're not, if you break the rules, then it will be just plain hell on Earth. Do you understand?

  Stanley : Yes, sir.

  [tooth buzzes] 

  Warden : [begins to go ballistic]  Wha...!

  Oliver : It was his tooth...

  Warden : [shouts]  Shut up, you! Put them in cell 14!

  Prison Guard : But not in with The Tiger, sir.

  Warden : [shouts]  Put them in Cell 14! Get them out of here before I lose my temper!! Talking to the warden like that! A fine piece business. Convicts talking to the warden.

  [shouts] 

  Warden : Why, I'll take those men, I'll break them! I'll put them in Cell 14. I don't care who's in there! What I'll do with them.

• Stanley : [after getting their prison pictures taken]  If they turn out good, can I have one?

  Prison Guard : Come on, get out of here!

• Prison Guard : Clowning, eh?