One Good Turn (1931)

Oliver Hardy: Ollie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Oliver : Now I see it all.

  Stanley : What?

  Oliver : "What". Don't try to alibi. You know you stole this money from that old lady. Why guilt is written all over you.

  Stanley : What do you mean?

  Oliver : I mean that you're going to give this money back and make a full confession!

  Stanley : A confession of what?

  Oliver : And to think after all these years I've been fostering a common theif. A viper in my bosom!

  Stanley : Whose bosom? What are you talking about?

  Oliver : Don't try to bluff me! To think you would bite the hand that was feeding you. You snake in the grass. You traitor! You sheep in wolf's clothing. You double-crosser. You Judas! You... You...!

  Stanley : Stop! Don't call me a "You-you".

• Oliver : My friend and I are victims of the Depression. We haven't tasted food for three whole days.

  Old lady : Fancy, not eating for three whole days!

  Stanley : Yes ma'am. Yesterday, today and tomorrow.

• [after Stan throws their soup on their tent that is on fire] 

  Oliver : Well, our earthly possessions are slowly getting less and less. No place to sleep and no food. What could be worse?

  [Stan and Ollie look over at the clothes line and see their shrunken under garments] 

• Old lady : [Ollie shoves Stan through the door]  What on earth is the matter?

  Oliver : Madam, my one-time friend Mr. Laurel has a confession to make.

  [Stan whimpers and squeals] 

  Old lady : Confession?

  Oliver : Yes. He's the one who stole your money and left you at the mercy of that villain!

  Old lady : There must be some mistake.

  Oliver : There's no mistake. It's all too true. Why I caught him red handed.

  Old lady : There hasn't been any money stolen. We were just rehearsing a play for the community players.

  [She laughs. Ollie blinks. A play? He looks aside and narrows his eyes, bemused, as he processes the revelation. His eyes then widen in astonished distress as he realizes the damage he's caused, but smiles nervously and twiddles his tie] 

  Oliver : I must have made a faux pas.

  [He laughs; Stan glances at his fist, grimacing, and angrily decks Ollie in the face] 

• Stanley : I don't know anything about cutting wood.

  Oliver : Well, you ought to. You once told me your father was in the lumber business.

  Stanley : I know he was, but it was only in a small way.

  Oliver : What do you mean small way?

  Stanley : He used to sell toothpicks.

  Oliver : Well, go ahead and make some toothpicks. Be a chip off of the old block.

• Oliver : One good turn deserves another.

  Stanley : So do I neither.

  Oliver : What do you mean, "so do I neither"?

• Stanley : What can we do?

  Oliver : We've got to raise a hundred dollars.

  Stanley : A hundred dollars?

  Oliver : Yes!

  Stanley : We couldn't even raise a thousand.

• Stanley : Where are we going?

  Oliver : Do I have to tell you everything?

  Stanley : Not everything.

  Oliver : Well, if you must know, we're going to humiliate ourselves by begging for food.

  Stanley : What? Again?

  Oliver : Crank the car.

• Oliver : Why don't you be careful.

• [first lines] 

  Oliver : What are you doing back there?

  Stanley : I was tasting the soup.

  Oliver : Well, stay away from that soup. Do something to help me!

• Stanley : Come out of there!

  Oliver : I won't! Now, you better leave me alone.

  Stanley : Come out of there, you big bozo.