- Professor Echo, the ventriloquist, aka Mrs. 'Granny' O'Grady: [to the sideshow crowd] That's all there is to life, friends - a little laughter... a little tear...
- Dime Museum Announcer: Hercules! The mighty... marvelous... mastodonic model of muscular masculinity!
- Dime Museum Announcer: Tweedledee! Twenty inches! Twenty years! Twenty pounds! The Twentieth Century Curiosity!
- Professor Echo, the ventriloquist, aka Mrs. 'Granny' O'Grady: You're makin' a play for that guy!
- Rosie O'Grady: Since when do you own me?
- Tweedledee, the dwarf, aka Little Willie: If you tip that boob off to who we are, I'll lay some lilies under your chin!
- Rosie O'Grady: Da-da! Da-da!
- Professor Echo, the ventriloquist, aka Mrs. 'Granny' O'Grady: Get rid of him! We're gonna pull that Arlington job tonight.
- Rosie O'Grady: Oh, I'm mad at Granny! She won't stay in bed!
- Hector MacDonald: Perhaps she wants to help us trim the tree.
- Rosie O'Grady: Yes, she'd love to do some trimming.
- Customer: [to her grandson after watching Hercules] Never smoke cigarettes and you'll be a big strong man like him.
- Professor Echo, the ventriloquist, aka Mrs. 'Granny' O'Grady: [At Midnight, talking to Hercules and Tweedledee] You see, my plan is so ridiculous... so simple... that it scares you. But... if you come with me, we'll clean up millions.
- [Tweedledee smiles]
- Hercules: It's spooky! It sounds... unholy!
- Professor Echo, the ventriloquist, aka Mrs. 'Granny' O'Grady: That's it! We'll be the Unholy Three!
- Hercules: [as the detective's about to find the stolen jewels in the toy elephant, he snatches it from the detective and gives it to Tweedledee] I hate to see anybody tease a baby.
- Professor Echo, the ventriloquist, aka Mrs. 'Granny' O'Grady: [about Regan] That dick has a line on us. We gotta think fast.
- Tweedledee, the dwarf, aka Little Willie: He's got a hunch Hector turned this trick. Let's plant the jewels in the boob's room!
- Hercules: That's it! Make him the fall guy!
- Professor Echo, the ventriloquist, aka Mrs. 'Granny' O'Grady: [as Mrs. O'Grady commenting on Tweedledee in the guise of a baby] He's always been so fond of beads!
- Dime Museum Announcer: [as the Dancer does the Shimmy] Now, folks - that's just a sample of the little lady's art! The show on the inside starts immediately! See her do the dance that broke the Sultan's thermometer.
- Title Card: 'Twas a balmy summer evening, And a goodly crowd was there.
- Hercules: That guy bossin' me... me and my strength!
- Tweedledee, the dwarf, aka Little Willie: He's too jealous to leave her with that boob. Come on... we'll turn this trick alone!
- Hector MacDonald: What's the matter? Don't you think my savings are enough for us to start out on?
- Rosie O'Grady: [goes into a rip roaring fit of laughter] If I loved a man, he wouldn't have to have a dime.
- Hector MacDonald: Oh, *if* you loved a man. Why have you been giving me hope all this time?
- Rosie O'Grady: Aw, I was just kidding!
- [Hector gets up and leaves]
- Professor Echo, the ventriloquist, aka Mrs. 'Granny' O'Grady: What a bonehead I was to overlook that!
- [shows Hercules and Tweedledee the newspaper which mentions the police investigating Hector's alibi at the store]
- Professor Echo, the ventriloquist, aka Mrs. 'Granny' O'Grady: That means an investigator coming back to the store, but there *won't* be a Granny O'Grady anymore.
- Hercules: You two can take off your makeup, but that dick saw me! I won't go to the electric chair alone.
- Rosie O'Grady: [storms into the room] Neither is Hector McDonald going to the electric chair. Now, laugh that off... you big stiff!
- Professor Echo, the ventriloquist, aka Mrs. 'Granny' O'Grady: [to Hercules, about the ape] He's the only thing stronger than you, and I may need him.
- Professor Echo, the ventriloquist, aka Mrs. 'Granny' O'Grady: You - filth! Do you not realize that you killed a man? This is why I always said we never carry a gun!