- Dreams have but one owner at a time. That is why dreamers are lonely.
- I once told a graduation class that fame is Madonna; success is Helen Keller. Know the difference.
- Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
- The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've seen that I didn't have to clean.
- Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
- If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
- Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving.
- The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
- I do not participate in any sport that has ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
- When you start looking like your passport photo, it's time to go home.
- The suburbs were discovered quite by accident one day in the early 1940s by a Welcome-Wagon lady who was lost.
- On mothering: It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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