The Cinematic Hall of Shame
If there is a hell, these films are surely screening there. These few, select, bottom-feeding bombs are not merely bad but define what it means to be a failed film. I don't mock to feel good about myself but out of genuine outrage that filmmakers can get this crap made and widely distributed while legitimately interesting scripts and directors are ignored (or worse languish in t.v.).
To attempt to rank the list from most irredeemable to merely stupefyingly awful is beside the point, each film is horrendous in its own unique way, all deserving of their rare "one star" rating. They are not "so bad they're good," they just suck. This is a crash course in incompetence.
To attempt to rank the list from most irredeemable to merely stupefyingly awful is beside the point, each film is horrendous in its own unique way, all deserving of their rare "one star" rating. They are not "so bad they're good," they just suck. This is a crash course in incompetence.
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- DirectorDavid A. PriorStarsCameron MitchellTroy DonahueTed PriorA group of sadistic mercenaries kidnap people off the streets and set them loose on the grounds of their secret camp, so the "students" at the camp can learn how to track down and kill their prey.Written as a dumbed-down Rambo rip off, Deadly Prey is comical when it should be serious and painfully awkward when it is aiming for levity or connecting to our emotional side. When the protagonist's wife is brutally executed I chuckled. It fails consistently at everything it attempts even having its actors fall down convincingly. Though, it might be somewhat entertaining as throwaway schlock if it weren't so redundant and flat. The film consists mostly of increasingly emotionally-detached, blood-curdling violence and jogging, intermittently broken up with bad acting. If there was a message it is: violence is morally wrong, and violence can solve everything.
As an extra-depressing factoid, one of the 'stars' of the film was one of the founding members of The Actor's Studio, and had second-billing beneath the likes of Brando, Gable, Cagney, and Beery. You heard me. - DirectorWilliam LewisStarsGeorge W. BushDick CheneyRudy GiulianiWhat "In Plane Site" accomplishes that no other video expose' on September 11th has to date, is it exposes the viewer to a barrage of news clips from a majority of the mainstream news outlets. The official story of that day was told on live TV by reporters, policemen, firefighters, and other on-the-scene eyewitnesses, however, that footage was shown only once on live television broadcasts in the first hours of the attacks and then... it was never repeated. The stories changed, information was enigmatically omitted, and what can only be described as officially prescribed propaganda took the place of indisputable reality.A major pillar of the film's thesis is debunked in three minutes using Google image search. In its own way an instructive example of the manipulative power of hearsay. In its defense, it had the good grace to vanish into thin air unlike the Loose Change franchise.
- DirectorJean-Luc GodardStarsWoody AllenFreddy BuacheLeos CaraxA descendant of Shakespeare tries to restore his plays in a world rebuilding itself after the Chernobyl catastrophe obliterates most of human civilization.Cannon Films (aka Golan-Globus) found their niche in the Eighties financing washed-up directors (Frankenheimer and Cassavetes), ambitious wannabe power-players (Luciano Pavarotti and Norman Mailer), and low-budget action vehicles for D-listers (Van Damme, Chuck Norris, etc,). Jean-Luc Godard represented the prestige-project wing of the corporate strategy. Needless to say there is a reason you've never heard of this film outside of an aside in a New Yorker article, and Cannon itself is no more.
- DirectorLeigh ScottStarsMatthew WolfAmy WeberShaley ScottA race of alien robots have conquered Earth and forced humanity underground. After 400 years, a small group of humans develop a plan to defeat the mechanical invaders in the ultimate battle between man and machine.Somebody felt the need to make a dumber, more pretentious (yes, that is a T.S. Eliot allusion, though I think they obliviously ripped it off from Apocalypse Now), cheaper version of a film originally based on a defunct line of kid's toys, with a plot element ripped off from Demolition Man. It sums up 'The Asylum' company that its business model banks on a segment of the population being too careless or impaired to realize they had just obtained the wrong movie on eBay or in the Wal-Mart bargain bin or off NetFlix, etc. The Razzie Awards presumably failing to honor this nauseatingly inane thing (to call it a movie seems distasteful) either because it was too obscure, direct-to-video, or not worthy of the free advertisement. But we all know this was likely the true 'least respectable film of the year.'
If you can make it through a half-hour of the 'film's' acting, CGI, and dialogue you are a better man than me, or insane. - 19641h 22mNot Rated2.3 (5.3K)DirectorRay Dennis StecklerStarsRay Dennis StecklerBrett O'HaraAtlas KingJerry falls in love with a stripper he meets at a carnival. Little does he know that she is the sister of a gypsy fortune teller whose predictions he had scoffed at earlier. The gypsy turns him into a zombie and he goes on a killing spree.Cult movies often garner critical curiosity and even genuine affection from film fans decades after their release, but no one is fondly gathering in cinemas or viewing parties in their living rooms to see this Z-level clot of celluloid pus.
- DirectorPaul WeilandStarsBill CosbyTom CourtenayJoe Don BakerSecret Agent Leonard Parker (Bill Cosby) is called out of retirement to save the world from evil genius Medusa Johnson (Gloria Foster).1987 was not a good vintage for movies it seems. Leonard Part Six, the pun -- based on the gimmick that parts 1 - 5 were classified or something -- revealing a convoluted plot and inexplicable rationale for existence, is also the closest this piece of crap comes to humor. In between his t.v. gig and hawking New Coke, Ford, Kodak film, and Jello pudding pops, Bill Cosby unfortunately found time to write, star in, and produce motion pictures. Cosby graciously recognized his own blunder and warned people to avoid this debacle, which sort of makes him the lone hero in this perverse tale. This is the epitome of what happens when a star has too much hubris, too much clout and creative control, and no one brave enough to call his bluff. And you thought Jerry Lewis was a terrible auteur.
- DirectorHarold P. WarrenStarsTom NeymanJohn ReynoldsDiane AdelsonA family gets lost on the road and stumbles upon a hidden, underground, devil-worshiping cult led by the fearsome Master and his servant Torgo.A grisly warning that making movies actually requires talent. It's easy to watch a Michael Bay movie and think anyone can do it, but some things are better left to professionals.
- DirectorAnthony DoublinStarsDaniel BernhardtRobert Z'DarTravis Brooks StewartA run-away human slave from Earth's future escapes to the present.Possibly the stupidest film ever made. Words fail to express the idiocy of a Terminator/ Jurassic Park/ The Thing mash-up starring a second-rate Van Damme lookalike and featuring a born-again subplot and streetwise whore-turned-nun. The Brother from Another Planet with a Swiss martial artist and the special effects of One Million Years B.C. What could go wrong?
- DirectorDavid KelloggStarsVanilla IceKristin MinterNaomi CampbellA rapper gets stuck in a small town and falls for a local girl whose family is in witness protection.If you were perplexed who Vanilla Ice was designed to be marketed toward, you'll be equally baffled trying to figure toward what audience this movie is supposed to appeal. Surely this could only have been green-lit out of financial interests. I prefer to think of this as a future anthropological study-piece or novelty in some cultural studies class not unlike the Fiji-mermaid or some piece of dung of a long extinct sub-species experts study under a microscope. This is what happens when uncreative minds with dollar signs in their eyes unite and jerk each other off. So bad you can't even really laugh at it.
- DirectorJason FriedbergAaron SeltzerStarsSean MaguireKevin SorboCarmen ElectraA spoof of 300 (2006) and many other movies, TV series/shows/commercials, video games and celebrities. King Leonidas of Sparta and his army of 12 go to war against Xerxes of Persia to fight to the death for Sparta's freedom.The absence of more Seltzer-Friedberg films upon this list is based on the fact I refuse to see one of their abominations ever again. Sold as a spoof or satire of pop culture, I'm not sure the writer-directors would even know what the word 'satire' means if you asked them.