My opinion on horror movie remakes.
I'm giving my thoughts on a number of horror movie remakes. Some of them are good, and others are downright horrible.
And I'm going to give them my own title, just for fun.
And I'm going to give them my own title, just for fun.
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42 titles
- DirectorSamuel BayerStarsJackie Earle HaleyRooney MaraKyle GallnerThe spectre of a disfigured man haunts the children of the parents who murdered him, stalking and killing them in their dreams.I hate the new Freddy Krueger, the teens are boring, and the film makes unnecessary references to the original that suck.
My title: A Raping on Elm Street - DirectorMarcus NispelStarsJared PadaleckiAmanda RighettiDerek MearsA group of young adults visit a boarded up campsite named Crystal Lake where they soon encounter the mysterious Jason Voorhees and his deadly intentions.Some teens are awful, Jason Voorhees and his mom's backstory is underdeveloped, and there is a bit too much nudity. Plus, Jenna dies because apparently Whitney is more important. WHY COULDN’T THERE HAVE BEEN 3 SURVIVORS (Clay, Jenna, Whitney)?!
I'll be honest though, I enjoy watching this. I just don't like a few qualities.
My title: Friday the 13th Part 12, Again - DirectorRob ZombieStarsScout Taylor-ComptonMalcolm McDowellTyler ManeAfter being committed for 15 years, Michael Myers, now a grown man and still very dangerous, escapes from the mental institution and immediately returns to Haddonfield to find his baby sister, Laurie.While I like the backstory of the new Michael Myers, some characters are awful and annoying. In the Director's Cut, there's a rape scene which is the new start of Michael's escape sequence in the sanitarium.
This is only for the Director's Cut
My title: Hillbillyween Director’s Cut - DirectorRob ZombieStarsScout Taylor-ComptonTyler ManeMalcolm McDowellLaurie Strode struggles to come to terms with her brother Michael's deadly return to Haddonfield, Illinois; meanwhile, Michael prepares for another reunion with his sister.Some characters are good in this film and this film tells its own story, but other characters aren't developed enough and Laurie is just annoying. In the Director's Cut, Michael Myers says "Die!" which is dumb.
This is only for the Director's Cut
My title: Hillbillyween II Director’s Cut: Laurie the obnoxious bitch and a white horse - DirectorGus Van SantStarsVince VaughnAnne HecheJulianne MooreA young female embezzler arrives at the Bates Motel, which has terrible secrets of its own.The film is a shot by shot remake of the original with almost nothing new and Norman Bates is perverted.
My title: Psycho: now in color - DirectorZach LipovskyStarsDylan PostlStephanie BennettAndrew DunbarNot related to the previous Leprechaun films. Two young couples backpacking through Ireland discover that one of Ireland's most famous legends is a terrifying reality.1. This is not a prequel, remake, or origin story to the Leprechaun series.
2. The only thing that makes this a Leprechaun film is the title.
3. The characters are really horrible. Like Ben the stupid prick who just runs instead of helping. I used to hate Sophie, but she, David, and Seamus are actually decent characters. The rest can go fucking die.
4. The villain looks nothing like a Leprechaun and isn't a Leprechaun.
5. A lot of shots in the film look like sh*t.
My title: Generic: The Movie - DirectorJohn MooreStarsLiev SchreiberJulia StilesSeamus Davey-FitzpatrickAn American official realizes that his young son may literally be the Devil incarnate.This is a mostly shot by shot remake with bad acting and writing, and bad effects.
My title: The (Rehashed) Omen - DirectorAlexandre AjaStarsTed LevineKathleen QuinlanDan ByrdA traveling family falls victim to a group of mutated cannibals in a desert far away from civilization.Although I prefer the original, I recommend this. It's honestly a pretty good remake that changes up some things while keeping true the original style.
My title: The Hills Have Blood - DirectorMartin WeiszStarsDaniella AlonsoJacob VargasMichael Bailey SmithA group of National Guard trainees find themselves battling against a vicious group of mutants on their last day of training in the desert.It's its own story, but it's ruined by the bad characters, and it has to rely on gore and shock value.
My title: The Hollywood Hills Have No Brains - DirectorKimberly PeirceStarsChloë Grace MoretzJulianne MooreGabriella WildeA shy girl, outcast by her peers and sheltered by her religious mother, unleashes telekinetic terror on her small town after being pushed too far at her senior prom.Some characters are more developed than some characters in the original, but the film isn't unique and copies a lot from the original. I don’t hate it, I just wish there was more creativity
So MGM, when's that Extended Cut coming to Blu ray and DVD? Hmm?
Link for that petition here: http://chng.it/5R8tfLwx
My title: Carrie Grace Moretz - DirectorDonald P. BorchersStarsRobert GerdischJordan SchmidtDavid AndersWhile traveling, an unhappy married couple encounter a cult of murderous children who worship an entity called He Who Walks Behind the Rows.Awful acting, characters, and writing is all I will say.
- DirectorDennis IliadisStarsGarret DillahuntMonica PotterTony GoldwynAfter kidnapping and brutally assaulting two young women, a gang unknowingly finds refuge at a vacation home belonging to the parents of one of the victims: a mother and father who devise an increasingly gruesome series of revenge tactics.Annoying remake with uninteresting characters.
My title: The Last annoyance on the Left - DirectorGil KenanStarsSam RockwellRosemarie DeWittKennedi ClementsA family whose suburban home is haunted by evil forces must come together to rescue their youngest daughter after the apparitions take her captive.The family is lame, the action is mostly stupid jump scares, and I could say that any other haunted house film like Insidious are better remakes of the original Poltergeist than the actual remake of Poltergeist.
My title: Poltershite - DirectorAndrew DouglasStarsRyan ReynoldsMelissa GeorgeJimmy BennettNewlyweds are terrorized by demonic forces after moving into a large house that was the site of a grisly mass murder a year before.I don't hate this film, but it relies on jump scares and isn't interesting.
My title: The Amityville Boredom - DirectorSteven R. MonroeStarsSarah ButlerJeff BransonAndrew HowardA writer who is brutalized during her cabin retreat seeks revenge on her attackers, who left her for dead.I thought the original wasn't horrible, and to be honest, I don't hate this. I'm just not a big fan of either films with their.. um.. interesting story. The sequels are crap though imo.
My title: I Spit on My Career - DirectorAdam GrossmanStarsBobbie PhillipsShawnee SmithLarry MillerA young girl witnesses the brutal rape and murder of her mother by a circus clown and begins to have nightmares when the carnival comes back to town when she is an adult.This is a stupid film. It relies on scares rather than a good story.
I can't believe Wes Craven, (A Nightmare on Elm Street 1 & 3, New Nightmare, Scream series, the original The Hills Have Eyes, Dracula 2000, People Under the Stairs, etc.) was involved with this.
My title: Carnival of Dull - DirectorGlen MorganStarsMichelle TrachtenbergMary Elizabeth WinsteadLacey ChabertOn Christmas Eve, an escaped maniac returns to his childhood home, which is now a sorority house, and begins to murder the sorority sisters one by one.Billy's character is ruined by the overwhelming backstory. Not only that, but the characters absolutely suck. Just when you think the movie will finally end, another fight scene goes on for about 10 minutes! And then the trailer had false advertising which could have been in the film.
Also there’s a scene where Billy’s mom rapes Billy as a teen.
My title: Eyeball Christmas - DirectorAlexandre AjaStarsKiefer SutherlandPaula PattonAmy SmartAn ex-cop and his family are the target of an evil force that is using mirrors as a gateway into their home.Like a lot of horror movies, this one relies on gore and scares instead of a good story.
My title: Mirrors: reflecting the problems with this film - DirectorEric ValetteStarsEdward BurnsShannyn SossamonAna Claudia TalancónSeveral people start receiving voice-mails from their future selves - messages which include the date, time, and some of the details of their deaths.This film is dumb, stupid, and pointless.
My title: One Not Missed Remake - DirectorNelson McCormickStarsBrittany SnowScott PorterJessica StroupDonna's senior prom is supposed to be the best night of her life, though a sadistic killer from her past has different plans for her and her friends.This film is dumb and unnecessary. End of discussion.
Future me: Also, I have to add in that this is a PG-13 remake of an R rated classic. And the characters are so unlikable.
My title: PG-13 Night - DirectorSimon WestStarsCamilla BelleTommy FlanaganKatie CassidyDuring a babysitting gig, a high-school student is harassed by an increasingly threatening prank caller.As usual, the story and the characters suck.
My title: When a Stranger Decides to Hang Up - DirectorAlfonso Gomez-RejonStarsAddison TimlinVeronica CartwrightAnthony Anderson65 years after a masked serial killer terrorized the small town of Texarkana, the so-called "moonlight murders" begin again. Is it a copycat or something even more sinister? A lonely high-school girl may be the key to catching him.Who asked for a remake of this film? It's basically the original dumbed down into this lazy film.
My title: The Town That Dreaded this Remake - DirectorNeil LaButeStarsNicolas CageEllen BurstynLeelee SobieskiA sheriff investigating the disappearance of a young girl from a small island discovers there's a larger mystery to solve among the island's secretive, neo-pagan community.Mediocre but complicated story, combined with terrible acting (Nicholas Cage, you suck in this film) just makes this bad and very laughable.
My title: Not the bees - DirectorJaume Collet-SerraStarsChad Michael MurrayParis HiltonElisha CuthbertA group of teens are unwittingly stranded near a strange wax museum and soon must fight to survive and keep from becoming the next exhibit.The teens aren't completely terrible, but they aren't that good. I only liked Carly and Wade.
I hated the villains because they are weak and dumb as f*ck. The part where I lost respect for this film was when Wade was tortured. Vincent injured him, knocked him out, healed his wounds (Vincent is very stupid), and sprayed wax on him while he was still alive! He should have killed him then turned him into wax. Vincent is a dumbass.
Also, they killed Wade first. Wh- why? Why kill off a more likable character? Is it to make the others seem more likable?
My title: Hilton of Wax - DirectorAlexandre AjaStarsElisabeth ShueJerry O'ConnellRichard DreyfussAfter a sudden underwater tremor sets free scores of the prehistoric man-eating fish, an unlikely group of strangers must band together to stop themselves from becoming fish food for the area's new razor-toothed residents.I don't hate this, but I find this film to be kind of dumb. Entertainingly stupid though.
- DirectorJohn GulagerStarsDanielle PanabakerVing RhamesDavid HasselhoffAfter the events at Lake Victoria, the pre-historic school of blood-thirsty piranhas make their way into a newly opened waterpark.I found this film to be annoying and stupid. I hated it more than Piranha II: The Spawning. That's really saying something.
My title: Piranha Swims Away from this - DirectorJan de BontStarsLiam NeesonCatherine Zeta-JonesOwen WilsonDr Marrow enlists Theo, Luke and Nell for a study of sleep disorders at the Hill House. As soon as the terrifying truth about the mansion is revealed, everyone is found fighting for their lives.Too many cliches, bad CGI, and bad acting.
- DirectorJeff BroadstreetStarsBrianna BrownJoshua DesRochesSid HaigBoth an homage to and a re-imagining of the original 1968 film, this update follows a group of survivors trapped in a farmhouse battling a siege of undead zombies....in 3D!Solve this equation: The original film being copied and dumbed down + awful characters and story + terrible 3D effects
Answer: This film
My title: Night of the Cheap looking Dead 3D - DirectorSteve MinerStarsMena SuvariNick CannonMichael WelchWhen a small Colorado town is overrun by the flesh hungry dead a small group of survivors try to escape in a last ditch effort to stay alive.Instead of trying to connect to Dawn of the Dead (2004), this film starts from scratch instead of somewhat picking up after the previous film. The characters are annoying and the effects are awful.
Also this film is called Day of the Dead, yet most of the action takes place at night!
My title: Night of the ceiling crawling Dead - DirectorWilliam MaloneStarsGeoffrey RushFamke JanssenTaye DiggsAn amusement park mogul offers a group of diverse people $1,000,000 to spend the night in a haunted house with a horrifying past.
- DirectorKenneth BranaghStarsRobert De NiroKenneth BranaghHelena Bonham CarterWhen the brilliant but unorthodox scientist Dr. Victor Frankenstein rejects the artificial man that he has created, the Creature escapes and later swears revenge.
- DirectorDave MeyersStarsSean BeanSophia BushZachary KnightonA couple from college get caught in a dangerous game of cat and mouse with a psychopathic hitchhiker and the police after witnessing a murder and being framed.This film is just a copy of the original mixed with elements from its direct to video sequel, only it rushes itself too much and adds in Nine Inch Nails music (wtf).
My title: The Nine Inch Nails Hitcher - DirectorTravis ZariwnyStarsGage GolightlyMatthew DaddarioSamuel DavisWhile staying at a remote cabin for a week-long vacation, a group of five college friends succumb to an infectious, flesh-eating disease.Ugly beat for beat remake.
My title: I'd rather have a Fever - DirectorJoe JohnstonStarsBenicio Del ToroAnthony HopkinsEmily BluntUpon his return to his ancestral homeland, an American man is bitten and subsequently cursed by a werewolf.
- DirectorMitchell AltieriPhil FloresStarsTaylor ColeJosh HendersonScout Taylor-ComptonA year after an April Fool's Day prank which resulted in the death of one of their set, a group of friends find themselves targeted by someone who is out for revenge.The characters are very very terrible, the story is bad, the score sucks, and the film is depressing instead of fun and scary.
Also, this is a 91 minute film, but the party in the beginning that sets up this film takes up 22 minutes of this film.
And the music and cheap look make this film feel like a soap opera. I actually laugh when that cheesy music plays.
My title: April Fool’s to the person who actually watched this shit - DirectorRupert WainwrightStarsTom WellingMaggie GraceSelma BlairA thick mist full of vengeful spirits haunts a prosperous island town off the coast of Oregon, as its inhabitants try to learn their town's dark secret in order to stop it.PG-13 remake of an R rated film with unlikable characters
- DirectorCraig GillespieStarsAnton YelchinColin FarrellDavid Tennant"Fright Night" - A new neighbor moves in next to Charley, who discovers that he is an ancient vampire who preys on the community. Can he save his neighborhood from the creature with the help of the famous "vampire killer", Peter Vincent?The characters are dumbed down and underdeveloped, the effects are horrible, and the story is just the original with less content. I honestly don't know why a lot of people like this film. Maybe it’s because Twilight was annoying people, idk
My title: *Sigh* Night: wow that sucked - DirectorPatrick LussierStarsJensen AcklesJaime KingKerr SmithTom returns to his hometown on the tenth anniversary of the Valentine's night massacre that claimed the lives of 22 people. Instead of a homecoming, Tom finds himself suspected of committing the murders, and it seems like his old flame is the only one that believes he's innocent.The characters are horrible, the CGI effects are worse, and the twist still is annoying and painfully obvious. And the climax is so boring and Tom is an idiotic asshole in this one. That’s me accurately describing Tom.
I don't understand why a lot of people like this one either.
My title: My Bloody God that was awful - DirectorSophia TakalStarsImogen PootsAleyse ShannonLily DonoghueA group of female students is stalked by a stranger during their Christmas break. That is until the young sorority pledges discover that the killer is part of an underground college conspiracy.I consider this film to be one of the worst films of all time. This is a PG-13 remake of an R rated classic.
Also, the villains (yeah, no more Billy) are a cult of men who want women to submit to them and even rape them. And this has been a tradition of the college for many years. How fucking stupid is this movie?!
And speaking about rape, there’s more rape then death in this one! And I thought Black Christmas 2006 was awful with Billy’s mom raping him when he was a teen!
And the characters are so damn unlikable. Also there’s this black goo that possesses the person it touches.
THIS MOVIE IS FUCKING AWFUL! EVEN WORSE THAN CATS!
Maybe not that bad idk
Title: Black Goo Christmas - DirectorKevin KölschDennis WidmyerStarsJason ClarkeAmy SeimetzJohn LithgowDr. Louis Creed and his wife, Rachel, relocate from Boston to rural Maine with their two young children. The couple soon discover a mysterious burial ground hidden deep in the woods near their new home.I do not like THIS PIECE OF SHIT!
This film has a million stupid jump scares, the characters are really stupid to the point where they are unlikable, the subplots are bad, and the ending is shit.
My title: Hollywood’s Sematary - DirectorRob ZombieStarsScout Taylor-ComptonMalcolm McDowellTyler ManeAfter being committed for 15 years, Michael Myers, now a grown man and still very dangerous, escapes from the mental institution and immediately returns to Haddonfield to find his baby sister, Laurie.
- DirectorRob ZombieStarsScout Taylor-ComptonTyler ManeMalcolm McDowellLaurie Strode struggles to come to terms with her brother Michael's deadly return to Haddonfield, Illinois; meanwhile, Michael prepares for another reunion with his sister.