Things I Watched in 2018
Because I have nothing better to do with my life.
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- StarsJessica BardenAlex LawtherSteve OramJames is 17 and is pretty sure he is a psychopath. Alyssa, also 17, is the cool and moody new girl at school. The pair make a connection and she persuades him to embark on a road trip in search of her real father.not nearly as cringe as i thought it would be. actually quite enjoyable and funny.
- CreatorBruce MillerStarsElisabeth MossYvonne StrahovskiAnn DowdSet in a dystopian future, a woman is forced to live as a concubine under a fundamentalist theocratic dictatorship.the most bleak and depressing show on television. 8/10 would punch aunt lydia in the face if i had the chance.
- DirectorDamien ChazelleStarsRyan GoslingEmma StoneRosemarie DeWittWhile navigating their careers in Los Angeles, a pianist and an actress fall in love while attempting to reconcile their aspirations for the future.pretty to look at and objectively well made, but idk. i didn't get much out of it story-wise.
- DirectorMartin McDonaghStarsFrances McDormandWoody HarrelsonSam RockwellA mother personally challenges the local authorities to solve her daughter's murder when they fail to catch the culprit.really great performances and a compelling story. my only issues were the score and that weird cgi deer????
- DirectorMatthew VaughnStarsCharlie CoxClaire DanesSienna MillerIn a countryside town bordering on a magical land, a young man makes a promise to his beloved that he'll retrieve a fallen star by venturing into the magical realm.this movie is all over the place and ridiculous, but it's just so much fun. honestly kind of boring at the start, but it is SO worth it after like 20 mins or so.
- DirectorShane MeadowsStarsThomas TurgooseStephen GrahamJo HartleyA young boy becomes friends with a gang of skinheads. Friends soon become like family, and relationships will be pushed to the very limit.just a really good character study. and i didn't even hate the child actor. he was pretty great
- CreatorChris CarterStarsDavid DuchovnyGillian AndersonMitch PileggiTwo F.B.I. Agents, Fox Mulder the believer and Dana Scully the skeptic, investigate the strange and unexplained, while hidden forces work to impede their efforts.obviously the '90s effects are hilariously bad, but they do a really good job of masking it and working around the technical limitations most of the time. it's just a fun and interesting show, and the dynamic between the two characters is what sells the whole thing.
- DirectorBenny SafdieJosh SafdieStarsRobert PattinsonBenny SafdieJennifer Jason LeighAfter a botched bank robbery lands his younger brother in prison, Connie Nikas embarks on a twisted odyssey through New York City's underworld to get his brother Nick out of jail.wild and exciting and all over the place, and the music and the performances are so fantastic. such a good film
- DirectorDavid Robert MitchellStarsMaika MonroeKeir GilchristOlivia LuccardiA young woman is followed by an unknown supernatural force after a sexual encounter.it's weird to see a modern horror film that's actually good. it's so rare. this wasn't scary in the slightest, but i've seen it twice now and still really enjoyed it both times.
- DirectorJames WanStarsPatrick WilsonVera FarmigaRon LivingstonParanormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren work to help a family terrorized by a dark presence in their farmhouse.tbh i wasn't paying much attention. i mostly found it kind of boring.
- StarsNeil Patrick HarrisPatrick WarburtonMalina Pauli WeissmanAfter the loss of their parents in a mysterious fire, the three Baudelaire children face trials and tribulations attempting to uncover dark family secrets.the child actors are pretty bad and the script is really repetitive and kind of annoying in the second season, but neil patrick harris is a joy, and it's still fun to watch.
- DirectorJordan PeeleStarsDaniel KaluuyaAllison WilliamsBradley WhitfordA young African-American visits his white girlfriend's parents for the weekend, where his simmering uneasiness about their reception of him eventually reaches a boiling point.a couple of things annoyed me, but most of it was good. i don't know why it's been marketed as a horror, though, because it's more thriller/drama/mystery than anything
- DirectorPhil LordChristopher MillerStarsChris PrattWill FerrellElizabeth BanksAn ordinary LEGO construction worker, thought to be the prophesied as "special", is recruited to join a quest to stop an evil tyrant from gluing the LEGO universe into eternal stasis.honestly pleasantly surprised. i was expecting a dumb kids film, and it is to a degree, mainly regarding the cliche story, but it's really well done. the animation is so good and it's genuinely funny, even to me as an adult
- DirectorHenry JoostAriel SchulmanStarsStephen DunhamKatie FeatherstonMatt ShivelyIt has been five years since the disappearance of Katie and Hunter, and a suburban family witness strange events in their neighborhood when a woman and a mysterious child move in.bad. hilariously bad. oh my god it's so bad. if it weren't for the stupid characters and bad acting, it would just be boring, but they make it funny.
- DirectorJennifer KentStarsEssie DavisNoah WisemanDaniel HenshallA single mother and her child fall into a deep well of paranoia when an eerie children's book titled "Mister Babadook" manifests in their home.it was just kind of average. some aspects were good and others not so much. i can barely remember it now.
- DirectorRobert EggersStarsAnya Taylor-JoyRalph InesonKate DickieA family in 1630s New England is torn apart by the forces of witchcraft, black magic and possession.hard to understand and ugly to look at. who knew there were so many shades of grey and brown.
- DirectorAndy MuschiettiStarsBill SkarsgårdJaeden MartellFinn WolfhardIn the summer of 1989, a group of bullied kids band together to destroy a shape-shifting monster, which disguises itself as a clown and preys on the children of Derry, their small Maine town.way overrated in my opinion. the characters were all annoying, and although it had some good moments, most of it was either boring or cliche or just okay.
- DirectorTaika WaititiStarsJames RollestonTe Aho Eketone-WhituTaika WaititiBoy, an 11-year-old child and devout Michael Jackson fan who lives on the east coast of New Zealand in 1984, gets a chance to know his absentee criminal father, who has returned to find a bag of money he buried years ago.i'm probably biased because every time i see a kiwi film i like it instantly slightly more than foreign ones just because of the familiarity and inside jokes. but this movie is genuinely a really good coming-of-age story.
- DirectorBryan GoeresStarsDean CainLucía JiménezArnold VoslooWhen a Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter is killed in a mass murder in a Barcelona hotel room, maverick reporter Dan Kovaks, the dead journalist's brother, launches an investigation all his own. But now he and his hard-driving producer, Alejandra Velor, are being hunted by the killers and a vast network of government agents on both sides of a military conflict brewing in North Korea. But who's working for whom and who can be trusted? Those are the questions troubling Dan and Alejandra as they fight to stay alive and unravel the mystery of a super-secret item dubbed the "Mega-Bill."the very definition of a tv movie. you might as well sit on the lawn and watch the grass grow for 90 minutes.
- DirectorScott DerricksonStarsEric BanaEdgar RamírezOlivia MunnNew York police officer Ralph Sarchie investigates a series of crimes. He joins forces with an unconventional priest, schooled in the rites of exorcism, to combat the possessions that are terrorizing their city.4/10 would not be jumpscared by a lamp again.
- CreatorSam EsmailStarsRami MalekChristian SlaterCarly ChaikinElliot, a brilliant but unstable cyber-security engineer and vigilante hacker, becomes a key figure in a complex game of global chaos when he and his shadowy allies try to take down the corrupt corporation his company is paid to protect.this is the best tv series in recent history, and no one can convince me otherwise. the casting is fucking perfect, the music and cinematography are awesome, and the story is really exciting. the only criticism i have is that sometimes it gets a bit too "we live in a society", which can be slightly embarrassing. but other than that, literally every aspect of it is great.
- DirectorStephen DunnStarsAaron AbramsJack FultonJoanne KellyA creative and driven teenager is desperate to escape his hometown and the haunting memories of his turbulent childhood.just meh. very... whatever. i forgot everything that happened as soon as the credits rolled.
- DirectorM.J. BassettStarsAdelaide ClemensKit HaringtonSean BeanWhen her adoptive father disappears, Sharon Da Silva is drawn into a strange and terrifying alternate reality that holds answers to the horrific nightmares that have plagued her since childhood.i fucking adore this film. it is so awful but so funny i don't know whether to rate it a 2 or a 10. neither sean bean nor kit harrington can do an american accent to save their lives. the effects were godawful. just every single thing about it is ridiculously bad but so, so funny.
- DirectorSteven SpielbergStarsTye SheridanOlivia CookeBen MendelsohnWhen the creator of a virtual reality called the OASIS dies, he makes a posthumous challenge to all OASIS users to find his Easter Egg, which will give the finder his fortune and control of his world.a world in which everything is referenced yet nothing makes sense, nothing is consistent and also nothing matters and everyone is annoying. way overhyped and overrated. a circle jerk for nerds who just want to feel special for recognising like master chief and tracer in a mainstream movie. but i could forgive it for being pointless, nonsensical drivel if they didn't shit all over the iron giant like they did. the way they used him was just insulting.
- DirectorJoe WrightStarsLevi MillerHugh JackmanGarrett HedlundTwelve-year-old orphan Peter is spirited away to the magical world of Neverland, where he finds both fun and danger, and ultimately discovers his destiny: to become the hero who will be forever known as Peter Pan.just really, really uninspired and boring. and why was tiger lily white lmao