Movies I have masturbated to
This stuff gets the engine all rumblin'. Best believe these movies have led to many a ruined couch and/or kitchenette (guys out there, you know what I mean).
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- DirectorTim HillStarsBreckin MeyerJennifer Love HewittBilly ConnollyJon and Garfield visit the United Kingdom, where a case of mistaken cat identity finds Garfield ruling over a castle. His reign is soon jeopardized by the nefarious Lord Dargis, who has designs on the estate.Now there's some pussy! You know what I'm sayin? I'm always purring for Bill Murray!
- The sequel to Galaxian (1979), the player controls a spaceship and faces waves of enemy aliens that try to destroy, capture, or collide with the spaceship.I'd be a very rich man if I hadn't doused my original cabinet with my plentiful manchowder.
- DirectorJohn MurlowskiStarsHulk HoganDon StarkRobin CurtisA heartless millionaire believes he is Santa Claus after an accident renders him amnesiac.You all know what's up ;)
- DirectorIngmar BergmanStarsMax von SydowGunnar BjörnstrandBengt EkerotA knight returning to Sweden after the Crusades seeks answers about life, death, and the existence of God as he plays chess against the Grim Reaper during the Black Plague.Playin chess wit my own self. AAAAWWW YEEEEAH
- DirectorWolfgang ReithermanStarsPhil HarrisEva GaborSterling HollowayWith the help of a smooth talking tomcat, a family of Parisian felines set to inherit a fortune from their owner try to make it back home after a jealous butler kidnaps them and leaves them in the country.See first entry. This one is self explanatory.
- DirectorMorgan SpurlockStarsMorgan SpurlockDaryl IsaacsChemeeka WalkerWhile examining the influence of the fast food industry, Morgan Spurlock personally explores the consequences on his health of a diet of solely McDonald's food for one month.Chubby action
- DirectorHal NeedhamStarsBurt ReynoldsSally FieldJerry ReedThe Bandit is hired on to run a tractor-trailer full of beer over state lines, in hot pursuit by a pesky sheriff.Smokin!
- DirectorBennett WhiteStarsBennett WhiteSage is my #1. I love you man. I'd dump my load all over your neckbeard.
- DirectorRobert C. RamirezPatrick A. VenturaStarsThurl RavenscroftDeanna OliverEric LloydThomas M. Disch's sequel, based on the book sequel, has our heroes zooming off to, of all places, Mars.This takes me to mars. Ya git it?
- DirectorJeff CrookJosh CrookStarsDaniel OutlawParis CampbellJanisha FaithAfter the brutal murder of his brother, Donte decides to seek revenge against the perpetrators; a vicious Dominican gang of dog-fighters led by a psychotic ex-con named Angel.WOOF WOOF
- DirectorChris RobertsStarsMark HamillMalcolm McDowellJohn Rhys-DaviesIt is several years after mankind's war against the Kilrathi. Col. Christopher Blair is called back into duty by the Terran Confederation to help stop acts of terrorism that appear to be taking place against Confed by Border Worlds forces.Joystick required
- DirectorTony KayeStarsEdward NortonEdward FurlongBeverly D'AngeloLiving a life marked by violence, neo-Nazi Derek finally goes to prison after killing two black youths. Upon his release, Derek vows to change; he hopes to prevent his brother, Danny, who idolizes Derek, from following in his footsteps.Love it when they show some skin
- DirectorSeth GordonStarsSteve WiebeBilly MitchellMark AlpigerDie-hard gamers compete to break world records on classic arcade games.Grabbin my fistful and gittin it on like DIDDY KAWWWNG
- DirectorRobert StevensonWard KimballStarsAngela LansburyDavid TomlinsonRoddy McDowallAn apprentice witch, three kids and a cynical magician conman search for the missing component to a magic spell to be used in the defense of Britain in World War II.Gittin my knob on. Angela Lansbury gets me all hot underneath SEVERAL collars
- DirectorRuggero DeodatoStarsDavid HessAnnie BelleChristian BorromeoTwo low-life punks invite themselves to a party at a posh villa and after being taunted by their snobbish hosts, hold everyone hostage and subject them to various forms of torture and mayhem.I like the trees
- DirectorAdam ShankmanStarsSteve MartinBonnie HuntHilary DuffThe Bakers find themselves competing with a rival family of eight children while on vacation.Baker's dozen all the muzzen. OOOOOHHHHHH
- DirectorSteven SoderberghStarsMatt DamonKate WinsletJude LawHealthcare professionals, government officials and everyday people find themselves in the midst of a pandemic as the CDC works to find a cure.I think there was some sideboob. Matt Damon is one hot slice a pound cake.
- DirectorRobert StevensonStarsAlbert SharpeJanet MunroSean ConneryA wily old codger matches wits with the King of the Leprechauns and helps play matchmaker for his daughter and the strapping lad who has replaced him as caretaker.I love the welsh. And midgets.
- DirectorSteve SessionsStarsLucien EisenachJeff SamfordEric SpudicDead Clowns revolves around ordinary people in a small town in Florida. A hurricane has just slammed into the area, causing torrential downpours, whilst also awakening the clowns that died in the bay of the town. These clowns have only revenge on their mind since everyone had tried to erase their memories of the horrific accident. The clowns not only kill, but resort to cannibalism and slaughter the people one by one. Can there be an end to this mayhem or will the town be doomed?Nuff said
- DirectorAlfred HitchcockStarsJames StewartJohn DallFarley GrangerTwo men try to convince themselves they've committed the perfect murder by hosting a dinner party after strangling a former classmate to death.Auto erotic.
- DirectorClint EastwoodStarsHilary SwankClint EastwoodMorgan FreemanFrankie, an ill-tempered old coach, reluctantly agrees to train aspiring boxer Maggie. Impressed with her determination and talent, he helps her become the best and the two soon form a close bond.Dem muscles
- DirectorJohn Erick DowdleStarsChris MessinaCaroline DhavernasBokeem WoodbineA group of people are trapped in an elevator and the Devil is mysteriously amongst them.BUTTAH
- DirectorPeter BaldwinStarsBenny BakerVivian BonnellHamilton CampArthur is asked to pick up a bird for Thanksgiving dinner, so he brings home a 266-pound chicken named Henrietta. The family welcome her with open arms, but the neighbors are not so sure and then Henrietta escapes...Nothing like a woman in costume
- DirectorSteven BrillStarsOwen WilsonJosh PeckAlex FrostThree kids hire a low-budget bodyguard to protect them from the playground bully.I'd like to OWEN That WILSON
- DirectorDennis HopperStarsPeter FondaDennis HopperJack NicholsonTwo bikers head from L.A. to New Orleans through the open country and desert lands, and along the way they meet a man who bridges a counter-culture gap of which they had been unaware.I only ride when it's easy
- CreatorKevin O'DonnellStarsMatt HillBen HurCusse MankumaThe adventures of a trio of crimefighting sumo wrestlers.THEY'VE GOT GUTS
BIG OLE BUTTS - DirectorMark LucasStarsDavid AbbottBruce BeckScott BessacBUFFALOOOOOOOOOOOOO
- DirectorJohn Alan SchwartzStarsMichael CarrSamuel BerkowitzMary Ellen BrightonA collection of death scenes, ranging from TV material to homemade super 8 movies.150 minute orgasm
- DirectorFrank PinnockStarsRudy Ray MooreJerry JonesJames EvansFrom the baddest black action hero of all time; more bone-breaking, more name-taking, more booty-shaking and more love-making. Dolemite is back from Africa with his all-girl kung-fu army.STAND UP IN IT
- DirectorBen StassenMimi MaynardStarsTrevor GagnonPhilip BoldenDavid GoreThree young houseflies stow away aboard the Apollo 11 flight to the moon.Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On a, Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby, kiss me
Fill my heart with song
And let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you
Fill my heart with song
Let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, in other words
I love you. - DirectorMichael TollinStarsCuba Gooding Jr.Ed HarrisDebra WingerThe story of a high school coach and the developmentally challenged man who he took under his wing.I'd tune into that!
- DirectorPaul HaggisStarsDon CheadleSandra BullockThandiwe NewtonLos Angeles citizens with vastly separate lives collide in interweaving stories of race, loss and redemption.BRENDEN FRASER
- DirectorSam WeismanStarsBrendan FraserLeslie MannThomas Haden ChurchA man raised in the jungle by apes falls in love with a wealthy American heiress.BRENDEN FRASER
- DirectorStephen SommersStarsBrendan FraserRachel WeiszJohn HannahThe mummified body of Imhotep is shipped to a museum in London, where he once again wakes and begins his campaign of rage and terror.BRENDEN FRASER
- DirectorDonald PetrieStarsChristopher LloydJeff DanielsElizabeth HurleyA Martian lands on Earth and makes friends with a reporter.Nothing more exotic than alien porn amarite?
- DirectorRobert AltmanStarsRobin WilliamsShelley DuvallRay WalstonThe adventures of the famous sailor man and his friends in the seaside town of Sweethaven.Can't have a good night without some Olive Oil.
- DirectorTina GovicBursting onto the scene in 2005, Soulja Boy Tell?em has made huge waves with his signature rap style and dance moves. Now that he is turning 18, he is throwing a Super Swag 18th Birthday bash.SUPAMAN
- CreatorShotaro IshinomoriStarsAkiji KobayashiShinji NakaeGorô NayaA grasshopper-like, motorcycle-riding cyborg (joined by another one later in the show) fights the evil organization that transformed him for their evil deeds.See #25
- DirectorCatherine HardwickeStarsKeisha Castle-HughesShohreh AghdashlooOscar IsaacA drama that focuses on the period in Mary and Joseph's life where they journeyed to Bethlehem for the birth of Jesus.A little young, but alright in my book
- DirectorFumito UedaMasanobu TanakaStarsTatsuki IshikawaHiroshi ShirokumaMasaki AizawaThe tale of a young boy's friendship with a griffin-like creature who escaped captivity.Stop keepin' me waitin' baby.
- DirectorJoel SchumacherStarsMatthew McConaugheySandra BullockSamuel L. JacksonIn Canton, Mississippi, a fearless young lawyer and his assistant defend a black man accused of murdering two white men who raped his ten-year-old daughter, inciting violent retribution and revenge from the Ku Klux Klan.A Time to Fap
- DirectorWillard HuyckStarsLea ThompsonJeffrey JonesTim RobbinsA sarcastic humanoid duck is pulled from his homeworld to Earth where he must stop an alien invasion with the help of a nerdy scientist and a struggling female rock singer.DUCK TITS! WOOHOO!
- DirectorBrad PeytonStarsJosh HutchersonDwayne JohnsonMichael CaineSean Anderson partners with his mom's husband on a mission to find his grandfather, who is thought to be missing on a mythical island.I love mystery ;~;
- DirectorJohn BoormanStarsSean ConneryCharlotte RamplingSara KestelmanIn the late 23rd century, a savage trained only to kill finds a way into the community of bored immortals that alone preserves humanity's achievements.
- DirectorClint EastwoodStarsMorgan FreemanMatt DamonTony KgorogeNelson Mandela, in his first term as President of South Africa, initiates a unique venture to unite the Apartheid-torn land: enlist the national rugby team on a mission to win the 1995 Rugby World Cup.TWO FO THE MONEH
- DirectorBrendan McNamaraStarsAaron StatonMichael McGradyAdam J. HarringtonCole Phelps, a war hero and rookie cop, moves up the ranks and solves dark cases in 1940s Los Angeles.Dem faces. Thanks to Will for tellin me what a hot gaem this is.
- DirectorCurtis HarringtonStarsEdward AlbertKate JacksonRoger DavisA strong-willed woman not only dominates her family of California winegrowers, but also has a strange hold on a colony of bees in her vineyard.Sting so good
- DirectorTrent CooperStarsLarry the Cable GuyDavid KoechnerMichael PapajohnA slovenly cable repairman becomes a big city Health Inspector, and is tasked with uncovering the source of a food poisoning epidemic.Inspect me! :D
- DirectorDavid ScottStarsAnthony DanielsNika FuttermanPhil LaMarrA young boy named Ian, Commander Cody, and Yoda must go to rescue secret battle plans. However, when substitute teacher C-3PO and a class of padawans go too, things become more complicated.Menace 2 mah dick
- DirectorAlan CroslandStarsAl JolsonMay McAvoyWarner OlandThe son of a Jewish Cantor must defy the traditions of his religious father in order to pursue his dream of becoming a jazz singer.INTERRACIAL ACTION
- DirectorJason BloomStarsPauly ShoreStephen BaldwinWilliam AthertonMoronic best friends get themselves locked inside the Bio-Dome, a science experiment, along with a group of environmental scientists for one year.DAT TENACIOUS D
- DirectorJorma TacconeStarsWill ForteKristen WiigVal KilmerFormer special operative MacGruber is called back into action to take down his arch-enemy, Dieter Von Cunth, who's in possession of a nuclear warhead and bent on destroying Washington, D.C.GRUBIN IT!
- DirectorPaul McGuiganStarsJosh HartnettBen KingsleyMorgan FreemanA case of mistaken identity lands Slevin into the middle of a war being plotted by two of the city's most rival crime bosses. Under constant surveillance by Detective Brikowski and assassin Goodkat, he must get them before they get him.Slevaininating!
- DirectorCharles S. DuttonStarsCharles S. DuttonKatt WilliamsVanessa Bell CallowayA serious health scare ignites John Thomas, an insurance salesman in his 50s, to take a closer look at his life. Motivated by a misguided obsession with getting Barack Obama elected, John takes an overwhelming involvement in the Presidential campaign. While John becomes obsessed with the ideal of change that Obama represents for Americans, he has in turn neglected to create positive change in his own life, particularly with regard to his health and familial relationships. John hides his health problems from his strong, yet supportive wife, Molly, creating a strain on their marriage. John seeks the support of a Republican relative, MLK, who initially starkly resists supporting a Democratic candidate. John's son, Kalil, rebels against his father's avid support of Obama by supporting the Republican candidate as well. John neglects to support his daughter, Tamika, at a crucial moment in her life, as she has recently fallen in love and become engaged to be married. John faces additional discord with his other son, Jamel, an up-and-coming boxer, who gets mixed up with a shady manager, Slim, as he rises toward a professional boxing career. Joshua, John's recently-paroled brother, also struggles as he attempts to find work in a tough economy and to maintain his new marriage. When Molly discovers that John has been hiding his health scares from her, she urges him to take positive action to improve his bad habits. John works to get back on the right path with his health and family as Obama soars to success in the campaign.This uplifting tale of courage and redemption put a hole in my pants. I salute you.
;_;7