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Reviews
Stargate Universe (2009)
Not one likeable character
This really taxed my nerves. First of all the character played by Jamil Walker Smith really put my back up: he just seemed to want to shoot anyone. The aggression coming from him really put me off.
This is a purely scientific and the military should have been there as an afterthought l. And should be taking orders from the scientists. As for the communication stones what a joke. Taking over someone's body in earth millions of light years away is ludicrous. One scene where two of them go out clubbing in bodies they have taken over with these communication stones. Not one person wanted to be in that ship. WTH flying through space and discovering new planets, new technology. And it seems not one person in this show wants this. Ugh.
Shirley (2020)
Annoying and boring
I would rather drop a
Contact lens in a gas petrol station bathroom and put it syraitback in my eye than suffer anything like this again. I spent the first half of the film trying to figure out what was going on. But all I wanted to do was punch Shirley in the face. And kick her supercilious husband of a cliff. The story made no sense so I started to Google who this woman really was. This film is not based on her life story. Just a well wired creepy film that DRAGGED ON AND ON AMD ON. I have neck ache from looking at my phone which provided some respite. The only reason I kept it on was for mum who seemed bored but determined to get to the end.
On a Wing and a Prayer (2023)
Bible thumping rubbish
As a non believer I stay away from overly religious films. I even watched the film Noah with an open heart and enjoy it thoroughly. As I knew what I was walking into. But this film I abandoned due to the religious aspect being pushed down my throat. I expected an edge of your seat experience. Plane crash. Survival at all cost. But the typical tedious ungrateful daughter being crappy to her parents and hillbilly barbecue contests. I don't understand how a nation as the USA is so great with all this religious clap trap. Now IMDb want another 55 characters to describe how this film offended me. ..
The Lost Symbol (2021)
Does this ever end
The first 2 episodes were mildly intriguing however after that the story makes no sense and becomes so utterly confusing to the point it's hard to follow (and no I'm not an idiot) thank goodness I downloaded the whole thing for free of a dodgy website. I love Eddie izzard but I can't contain my disappointment with is so called America accent.
If this had been a film, even a three hour movie it would've been bearable.
I guarantee by episode 5 you're ready to never entertain a Dan brown movie ever again. Who even gives a F about his porthole or what's it's for and dor why. My final advice is that if you have to pay for it DONT. It's not worth a quid.
Possessor (2020)
My grandma would have loved this pile of crap
Omg this is just a hardcore porn film with murder gore. And I love both of those genres (SEPARATELY) so why did this film offend me so much......
The gore part wasn't really well executed, especially when you compare it with say a Quentin Tarantino movie. Didn't have the style. Just made us say out loud okay love that's enough he's dead already.
But the porn scenes took the biscuit. I still can't get that woman's growler out of my mind. Full on erections and vaginal scenes and penetration. (Hetro sex) which we were not warned about. But wow if there a film or tv show where two same sex people even kiss, then there's endless warning to the point of apology. So do you understand the unfairness of it. Also it felt endless and boring after the first half hour. Just googled this cronenburg creep and he looks just like the type of freak to make such rubbish. Ugh and vomit.
Men (2022)
What kind of men hating piece of dirt wrote this
Sickening reel of crap.........I am so surprised that a man wrote this revolting film. I am all for ending the tyranny that the lead actress portrayed quite well. However the synopsis led me to believe that it was a supernatural horror story and not some weird film where there are 10 Rory kinnears all EXPLICITLY giving birth. Extreme vaginal scenes as they extrude.......well I dont know what as I covered my eyes. But what really got me was the fact she could have left that village at any point, or at the first sign that she could be in danger. Not saying women should run all the time but natural common sense would have had me behind that steering g wheel ASAP. Vile and weird and the wrong message being sent by comparison of the synopsis.
The Raven (2012)
Excruciatingly boring
This film has all the trappings of a Tim burton film of the 1990s in the respect that it's overtly dramatic. But this film lacks that's special touch. It says it's a horror, well it's horrific alright but not in the scary sense. And it's not tense or a thriller. So that's the synopsis shot to buggery. Cheap makeup scares. A lot of really fake gore. There are a lot of dodgy American actors from the two bit British actors (apart from Luke Evans)
And now IMDb wants another 200 characters from me out of this review. What a stupid platform that dictates how much you should write. No wonder people on here drone on and on and on!
Lair (2021)
Absolute crap
This film was so terribly acted it wasn't even corny. The two parents of the girls were like nails down a chalk board whenever they opened their mouths to moan shout and argue the whole time. The American lead fella isn't likely to nominated for any awards any time soon. But he did come out with a few good be liners. It also bored the backside clean off me. In short there were ZERO likeable characters in this so called horror film. I've had bowel movements more frightening than this annoyance. Zero scares but just satisfaction at the end result. Every horror flick on prime and Netflix is rated no higher than 5.1. It's like no one can come up with a truly scary horror. More from the likes of insidious and the conjuring.
The Haunting of Margam Castle (2020)
This film takes the biscuit
Thank you Netflix for yet another crap film. There's nothing intelligent to say about this film. Partly because we only lasted 20 mins into it. It gave the impression of a 1970s hammer house of horror with the ridiculous acting. Really bad cinematography. This film should be shelved in an archive that's to be never opened! When I checked out IMDb and say the 2.6 rating I was fuming with Netflix as recently it had gone down hill. 8 times out of ten the films are foreign with no warning. So you get some dubbed crap with some two bit actors reading their lines. And now I've got to use 600 characters with this review so sorry I've digressed.
Tenet (2020)
Confusing boring with obnoxiously loud background noises
This film is an insult to anyone with a basic grasp of physics. Even a physics lecture would be easier to follow than this crap. I had to nurse the Bluetooth speaker in my hand because the dialogue was impossible to hear but any other noises like a gun going off or a car door slamming were absolutely deafening and a complete assault of our senses. As everyone has said it's beyond difficult to follow making it boring boring boring!! I've been a die hard fan of sci fi my whole life but this made no sense at all. If it had been 2 hours or less I'd have seen it through but the last 25 mins we just cut our losses and shut it down like a roach infested cafe. Oh and check out when one guy described the grandfather paradox saying there is no right answer. What utter nonsense.
Moonfall (2022)
Where to start / avoid this as you would a covid ridden tissue
This film was total and utter cliché rubbish. In the same vein as Independence Day. The annoying sad sack that saves the world (could see that coming a mile off) and dragging an old space shuttle out of a museum and got it working in a day. The fact that if the moon ever got that close the earth would be a ball of liquid rock and no one left to save it. The typical storyline spin off with the kids making it hundreds of miles through death defying Obstacles where you couldn't have gotten that far on a good day! Also that fact that the sat phones still worked even though real life would say that all the satellite would have been well destroyed before the earth started to perish. And unfortunately I could go on and on with an endless life of inaccuracies. At least Star Trek is based on real science.
Michael Clayton (2007)
All over the place
Honestly it took an hour into it before we had a clue what the hell was going on. Something about clooneys failing restaurant owing 75K the law firm boss off his meds and having a bi polar episode. Nothing to do with any courtroom or class action law suit . It took nearly to the end to find out Tilda Swindon was on the side of the baddie's. Totally disjointed. We can only deduce that the people being sued are killers. What an awful waste of two hours based on the idiots that gave this film such a high rating.
Hillbilly Elegy (2020)
Glen close wow just wow
I total feel good film but very emotional. I just could take my eyes off glen close and just what a Stella actress she has always been. It's been on my watch list for ages and I didn't think I'd like a film about a bunch of hillbilly's but I'm so glad I watched it. Lovely film!
The Nan Movie (2022)
Not the Nan Taylor I know and love
I couldn't get over just how different she played Nan in this. She was calm and sedate. She never raised her voice I don't think at all. Barely any swearing.
Stupid scenes such as her going to a rave and doing shots. And then there's the immeasurable sadness at the end with the sister. Sorry but I only like her when she's ranting and raving.
Florence Foster Jenkins (2016)
The Bouquet residence, the lady of the house speaking
Any one who's seen the BBC comedy 'keeping up appearances' will be doubly amused to see Streep playing a similar character to Hyacinth Bouquet. The film itself wasn't laugh out loud because she was quite a pitiful person. So I personally found it quite sad that she had no idea that people were laughing at her rather than with her. I'm
Insure weather a film ridiculing her is appropriate. But it also celebrates her too.
Coherence (2013)
Would be brilliant but the characters are a little irritating
This is a good little sci-fi film. And very thought provoking. But sometimes when you have a dinner party scene turning into an evening the actors can seem like they're talking over each other and incessantly. I think it was the fault of the script trying to make the dialogue natural and flowing and clashing with two bit actors that also didn't have the experience for such a difficult and long scene, meaning that it takes place in one house.
Detective (2005)
As soon as the scene introducing Sybil Shepard I knew
I'm a huge fan of Annabelle Gish but this really was a made for tv Saturday afternoon stinker. It felt like it was shot in soft focus (probably for Shepard's sake) but It just lacked the grab you and reel you in. Very soft and tame affair.
Ammonite (2020)
Nicely done. If not a little slow or should I say understated
Mind blowing performances from Kate winslet and Saoirse Ronan. In places there is very little dialogue and this would have put me off, but the acting from the whole cast kept my attention and respect. By comparison to other films it may seem uneventful but the story is simple and told with emotion and facial expressions. Stick with it!
The Little Stranger (2018)
WHEN DOES THIS FILM END
Is what we kept saying whilst watching this inordinately boring film. We are hard fans of period drama and supernatural. But there are no ghosts or scares in this crap fest. Just some dr who has delusions of grandeur about living in the Manor House . Give this a miss if your looking for a supernatural ghost type of a film. And cancel your sleeping pill prescription, all you need is watch this before bed.
A Haunting at the Rectory (2015)
What an absolute joke
I feel embarrassed in particular for the lead actress. She is the worst out of the 3 so called actors. Real amateur dramatics caught on film. Is this why we pay so much for streaming services for them to insult us with this crap.
Orlando (1992)
Confusing and boring
We are avid followers of period dramas so we're happy to find what we thought to be a hidden gem. Not so: it is utterly confusing and profoundly boring. It's unclear as to why his/her gender changes half way through or the hows and whys she travels through time. Thanks IMDb for the high rating lulling is into a false sense of security. I'm saying give this a miss.!!!!!
The Royals (2015)
Utterly ridiculous
Aaron spelling couldn't even come up with something this cheesy. Switched off after 10 minutes in absolute disgust. I love a cheesy American soap opera but this is something else.
Queen of the Desert (2015)
Visually stunning and incredibly boring
Whom ever this Bell woman was this film failed to highlight any redeeming features. From my pov she came across as a rich woman who flees to formally known as Arabia. Her Archaeology lasted 3 mins as she camped outside some ruins. She just went from Bedouin tribe to the next. The film didn't bother to highlight any of the achievements listed in the synopsis. Film portrayed her in such a boring light I can't even be bothered to Google her and find the real story! James Franco's English accent was just laughable and nails down a chalkboard.
Despite the Falling Snow (2016)
A pleasant story.
Not the most brilliant film I've ever seen. But the fabulous Charles dance was mesmerising as per usual. Ferguson also played a good role too. And it has a lovely ending. Slightly dark feel good movie.
The Luminaries (2020)
Impossible to follow
We are not a household of dullards but this was ridiculous. The timelines shift without warning. Take the great film cloud atlas. Which was complicated but easy to follow the alternate timelines. We were trying to guess the whole time by judging what costumes they were wearing. Impossible!! We ditched this pile of crap by the end of episode 4.