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Blood Warriors (1993)
And yet another disappointment from David Bradley
Blood Warriors is the last David Bradley film I acquired and watched and what can I say, another huge disappointment. What a real pity because both the film cover and its trailer which can be found on Youtube make it look like some fast and furious martial arts-action movie. Boy what a huge disappointment. This dude entered a sort of double phase in his B-movie career which began in the late 80s and came to an end in 2001 with his final movie, the atrocious "Expect to Die". Half this phase is a considerable extension of pretty enjoyable martial arts action movies (as far as B-films and martial arts fans go) which included "American Samurai" the third, fourth and fifth installments of "American Ninja", two hilarious action Z-movie sequels called "Cyborg Cop" and the pretty good "Hard Justice" (great combination of action, fighting sequences and decent B-actors). However the other phase is probably, in my mind, comprised of quite possible the 3 or 4 worst movies I have EVER had to sit through on video. Even worse than a Spanish 3.30 Saturday movie (if you live in Spain, you'll know what I'm talking about). I seriously don't know how "Crisis", "Expect to Die" and "Total Reality" can be labelled as movies; I'm pretty sure David needed the money and the director needed a good laugh. My last only hope was "Blood Warriors" which I hadn't seen. Purchased it on eBay, watched it and nearly died of boredom before the final credits rolled. What a waste of another movie that could've made for a decent action and fighting flick. Frankly, this guy's best assett was his physical fighting due to several years training in Karate, Kung Fu and swordsmanship. But I repeat once again, if you have to sit thru 90 minutes of B-movie crap with no fights and a stupid, boring story, you may as well just turn the video off. Bradley plays another ex-soldier whose brother has gone all nuts, building a military base on some small island which is just a cover for performing nasty deeds. Bradly has to go, try and convince him to quit that lifestyle and then rescue his girlfriend before things start to heat up. What follows is the hilarious action sequences commented on previous reviews such as Bradley's 100 ft-jump, riding on a motorcycle without a single bullet hitting him, and performing weird flying kicks (what the heck happened to the guy's Karate knowledgement??). As a real fan of David Bradley (I really liked the guy in his first movies) I just think it is such a pity for the fella to have ended his career like that... real shame. One thing I'd really love to know is what heart condition did he exactly suffer from, and what he's doing nowadays. As for this particular movie, don't even bother with it, I mean if as a true Bradley fan (and that's saying a lot!).
Expect to Die (1997)
I'm glad David Bradley stopped after this...
Wow, Jeez, I don't even know where to begin commenting on this thing they called a movie. I seriously don't know what the hell David Bradley began smoking after making Hard Justice, which in my opinion, was quite a good movie after the American Ninja features. I hadn't seen any of this guy's latter movies after Cyborg Cop. Lucky I saw them on Amazon for like 5 pounds each and I can safely say the following: if I had thrown down the drain the 5 pounds I spent on Total Reality, Crisis and Expect to Die, I would have ended up happier than having to sit through the 90 minutes that each of them lasted. My God, how the HECK can anybody label these as "movies" ??? And why do action/martial arts actors fall knee-deep into the smelliest horse-dung when they've like reached their peak?? I mean, David Bradley's no Oscar deserver but his first movies were pretty entertaining. Tough, cool guy with pretty good martial expertise who delivered corny lines but at least entertained action and martial arts fans to a certain extent. But I seriously would love to know what went through this guy's head after making Hard Justice. His final 3 movies have to frankly be the WORST I have ever had to sit through. As I mentioned before, I'd love to get my money back on the 3 DVDs I bought. Crisis was the epitome of sleepiness, Total Reality was harsh but this Expect to Die is just utter nonsense. I bet the director was either mega-stoned when he made this or he was just taking the pee out of every David Bradley fan who would sit through this heap of crap. The plot circles around a doctor (Bradley) who develops some type of Virtual Reality game in which he's just killing different people off one by one. Sorry but I just couldn't take this guy seriously playing a baddie with that posh hair-do, glasses and gray slacks and doing absolutely NO physical fighting whatsoever (frankly, his best asset). The film is even worse than any of those Saturday afternoon B-movies because the acting is laughable, the directing is horrendous and the few fights in the movie, well, what can I say... The actors look like they're training with their gym buddy. We get a dumb muscular cop who starts to show off his fighting stuff like one hour into the movie and fails heavily... a french hairy version of Van Damme who just can't fight, act or speak to save his freaking life and Bradley, the supposed protagonist, playing the evil doctor who I was really happy for when he stopped making this type of expendable rubbish. I even reckon he didn't throw a kick in this movie probably due to his heart condition already playing up on him. For a B-actor, I must admit I really liked this guy, his style, physique, fighting skills... But I'm really, really glad he stopped acting after this monstrosity because I honestly wouldn't have been able to sit through another ninety minutes of pee-taking material like this one. Avoid at all costs even if you're family of David Bradley, you'll be glad you did, word.
Total Reality (1997)
Calmly believe all the negative comments...
As I mentioned in other comments, I became a real big fan of David Bradley ever since I saw him in "American Ninja 3". The guy is great doing martial arts, has some kind of charisma and is a cool looking dude on screen. Sadfully, he went to the DTV department ever since his debut and has remained as one of the king of TV movies until 2001 where he apparently stopped making movies. Now, one thing is watching Cyborg Cop or Hard Justice which are crappy clichéd movies but real fun to watch (coz they're entertainingly bad if that has any sort of meaning) but another thing is watching a tasteless piece of boredom like Total Reality. I mean, this and Crisis are the two biggest pieces of horse-dung this guy ever did. I wouldn't recommend this not even to the biggest Bradly hardcore fans. If I had known this and Crisis were going to be so f*****g crap, I wouldn't have spent the 3 or 4 euros they cost me. Total Reality is just as boring as Crisis although funnily, it starts promising. A group of military prisoners in the future are given a chance to stop some kind of disaster in the past (I'm sorry, I didn't really pay much attention to this atrociousness) and they only have 24 hours to get back or something like that. If they don't, they're stranded there forever. The poor director who oversaw this, "tries" some humorous (?) clichés like the convicts arriving on Earth and not knowing what a truck is for example (wow, hilarious...). The movie follows up with David Bradley teaming up with some Earth girl for the rest of the flick. This bored me so much that I had to force myself to watch it in like 3 or 4 installments to at least make use of the 4 or 5 euros it cost me. That's coz every time I tried, I fell asleep. And if you get a movie with David Bradley with just one crappy 10-second fight scene in it, then that's the final touch which would contribute to you throwing it off a hundred foot cliff so as never to see it again. I wish I could meet the "director" of this pile of poo on the street and I swear to God I'd ask him back for mi 5 euros. I'd also love to meet David Bradley to ask him why in God's name did he choose to star in this poor excuse for a movie. Don't even bother with this film, I mean it from the bottom of my heart, not renting borrowing it and specially not buying it.
Crisis (1997)
Without a doubt, David Bradley's worst...
I'm a fan of David Bradley coz the guy makes decent B movies. He's no Robert Deniro or Jack Nicholson but the guy simply does what he does best: fight, shoot, show his physique and deliver corny lines. I had watched everything he did right upto Hard Justice (which was very good for a B-movie IMO) and when I saw the DVD cover of Crisis I thought "tank top, showing muscle... yep this looks like a pretty decent action flick". Boy was I wrong when I bought this from Amazon and watched it for the first time. This movie is, without a shadow of doubt, the WORST that this guy ever did (although I've still got to see Total Reality and Expect to Die but they can't possibly be as bad as this). I can't believe that audacity of the DVD cover the production company made which makes you think it's some fast, rough martial arts action flick and instead you get a stinky, boring and indigestible drama film about an ex-mob hit-man trapped inside a house with his brother and a gang of terrorists. I honestly don't know what the director of this movie smoked before making this because what could've made for a pretty cool action and fighting movie (like Bradley's previous flicks) ends up in this boring almost Z-movie of Bradley shooting off round after round with a Beretta and doing absolutely NO physical fighting whatsoever (ironic since it's the best thing this guy can do), apart from a couple of crappy short fights where his character is probably not supposed to be a martial arts expert since it looks like he can't even punch or throw a kick. Crisis left me with a bad taste in my mouth and veeeery sleepy, I'm still peed off that I actually spent 5 pounds on this on Amazon. I'm trying to collect all of Bradley's but I swear if I had known this movie was going to be so boring, I wouldn't have spent not even 10 pence on it, word. I reckon the two only good things in this movie were the hot milf, wife of the kidnapped big fish, and the cute brunette who befriends Bradley though strangely doesn't end up in bed with him like all his previous flicks. In a nutshell, I wouldn't recommend this movie not even to the most avid David Bradley fan, action fan, martial arts (?) fan, B-movie fan or even Z-movie for that matter, I kid you not.
Porno: Situación límite (1982)
Good quality Spanish eroticism of the 80s
Classic and very little known 80s erotic movie. Porno: Situación Limite is not a porno flick as its title seems to suggest. Porno is the leader's nickname of a band of armed robbers who take refuge in a plush hotel. The film has its action scenes and quite a few grizzly murders (although no gore or blood). However, taking refuge in the plush hotel is just a blatant excuse for the raunchy stuff to come on screen. The film features a beautiful erotic movie actress named Raquel Evans amongst others. As the robbers are trying to grab the rich guests from each room to hold them as hostages, they get a load of every raunchy scene that is taking place in every room. The movie features some of the most explicit and lovely erotic scenes ever seen in a Spanish flick. Explicit, yes. But done with very good taste. Not explicit as in these last year's mainstream movies, and we certainly do not get any pornographic footage in any of them. However the eroticism in certain scenes is very explicit. Some of these scenes include a beautiful mature girl engaging in a 69 position with a rich old fart and the camera pans from the man's point of view, where as one can imagine, we get to see the full thing. Other sex scenes include Raquel Evans and the other two or three actresses with legs wide open on the bed, exposing almost fully-opened vaginas. A bit vulgar taking the film's tension plot, but done in good taste, and accentuating the movies brief but strong eroticism. A good erotic movie, done with taste, with lovely women, famous actors (includes Emilio Gutiérrez Caba, a famous 80s Spanish actor) and spliced together with a pretty intense action story. Pity it's pretty hard to get on VHS and impossible on DVD or any website whatsoever.