Reviews

I decided to watch The Woman King 1st, then make up my own mind how I felt about it. It's an exhilirating, heartfelt, beautiful movie. I'd recommend it to anyone looking for something entertaining to watch. Fantastic acting, great action, lots of awesome African location shooting.

To everyone on both sides of the accuracy debate: When you watch a historical epic, you should already know you get a lot of of epic and very little history. That holds true whether the movie is white, black, Asian, or Indian, or anything else. Gina Prince-Bythewood and Viola Davis and all the cast set out to make a spectacular, stirring, inspirational drama, and they succeeded brilliantly. Lots of great scenes, but my own personal favorite was when Nanisca defied the King and set off trotting down the road all alone to confront the slave traders by herself, but then she looked around and saw all the Agojie trotting behind her, willing to follow her anywhere. Great cinematic moment that the whole film has built up to.

Just watch the movie and judge it on its own merits. You won't be disappointed.

Once Upon a Time in the West is obviously Charles Bronson's best movie, but Hard Times is my favorite. The role of Chaney and the movie itself fits him like a glove and he does great work with it. He seems like a myth or a character from folklore, rolling into town, invincible and fearless, saving the people he befriends, then rolling back out of town at the end. He's almost mute and reveals nothing about himself, but we get tiny clues here and there. At the start, we see him glance at some poor children, then look away painfully. Did he lose his family to bad circumstances or death itself? When he meets Speed (James Coburn), Speed senses something about Chaney and asks him if he's been in prison. Chaney brushes off the question, but the point is made. Later on, in Cajun country, Chaney passes a bear imprisoned in a tiny cage, stands dumbstruck and stares at the bear with empathy and recognition and commiseration. Chaney goes on about his business with a melancholy air, but he befriends Speed and Poe (Strother Martin)

I'm old, so I was the same age as Henry the first time The Big Tall Wish was broadcast. It was deeply touching to me, but then I didn't see it again for many decades. It's a sad, melancholy, bittersweet story, very different from Rod Serling's other scripts. Bolie is an aging has-been prizefighter who has nothing but facial scars to show for a courageous life devoted to the fight game. Most of the outside world considers him to be just another insignificant bum, but his 6-yr-old neighbor Henry knows he's someone special and idolizes him. Bolie has a match that night with a young contender, but we find out later that he's just a guaranteed win for the high-ranking fighter to destroy.

But Henry promises Bolie he will protect him with his most special wish, The Big Tall Wish, and Bolie will win without coming to any harm. We then meet Henry's mother Frances, who tells Bolie that Henry believes greatly in his wishes and one recently did in fact come true. But Bolie's too cynical and stubborn to accept or believe in Henry's gift and he heads to the arena.

When he finds out that his sleazy manager has set him up and bet against him, he swings at the manager but misses and hits the cinderblock wall, breaking his right hand. So he marches bravely into the ring with only one hand and absorbs a frightful beating. When he gets knocked to the canvas, Henry hugs the TV screen and makes his Big Tall Wish. A bewildered Bolie suddenly changes places with his opponent and is standing with the referee holding his right hand high in the air in victory. Plus his broken hand now feels fine.

Bolie knows something otherworldly has happened and that Henry holds the answer. He questions the boy, who admits that his wish caused it all. A sobbing Henry then tells Bolie he must believe or the magic won't work. The boy pleads with him with all his heart, but Bolie is too bitter and too disillusioned to believe in magic and accept Henry's wonderful gift.

Suddenly, the spell is broken and Bolie is back in the ring being counted out and his hand is throbbing again. The Big Tall Wish is now gone forever, but Bolie still remembers all of it. He returns to Henry, who tells him he is very proud of him and that he is still Bolie's good and close friend. Then Henry says he is too old for magic and he won't make any more wishes, ever again. Bolie then realizes that Henry has forgotten the results of his wish and it is now his secret alone. He tells Henry that maybe there just aren't enough people who believe in magic, and that's why it doesn't work anymore. An exhausted Henry falls asleep and Bolie leaves.

It's a very heartbreaking ending, but necessary. This episode works on several different levels, and it's partially about the end of childhood innocence and the need to grow up and face harsh reality. But Serling has softened the blow, because we also realize that Bolie still has Henry as his one true friend. So he's really a winner, not a loser.

Serling used black actors and actresses for the three main characters and the people in Bolie's neighborhood. This was a rarity in 1960 and everybody turned in excellent performances, as did the white actors playing the trainer and the manager. Ivan Dixon, Steven Perry, and Kim Hamilton all made the most of their extremely rare opportunity. They provide very moving portrayals.

Anyway, The Big Tall Wish is a sadly overlooked and forgotten Twilight Zone episode, but it clearly deserved a far better fate. Watch it and you'll see for yourself.

Most excellent rock documentary. Almost all the criticism seems to be about the Stones keeping their commentary off-camera and how it basically ends around 1981, with only brief snippets of concert footage and whatnot from the next 30 years or so. They just wanted to reminisce about the old days without viewers comparing their youthful selves to their current appearance. We all get old, no way around it. Except for the path that Brian took. They basically stopped the story after about 20 years because they wanted the focus to be on their beginnings and how turbulent and extraordinary those times were. There's also a surreal, electrifying, eerie segment on "Midnight Rambler", which Keith feels is the ultimate Rolling Stones song. At any rate, after 20 years things had calmed down quite a bit, and the Stones themselves had settled very comfortably into their exalted status as a touring juggernaut who could enjoy their private lives without public scrutiny. In between tours, they pretty much drop out of sight. Intermittent fame that can be turned off and on like a faucet must be a great blessing indeed. Also, after the 1981 tour the resentments between Mick and Keith completely boiled over and the Stones didn't tour again until 1989. They obviously didn't feel like digging up all those hard feelings, and Mick and Keith can't ever be forced to do anything they don't want to do. What possible purpose would that accomplish anyway? They wanted a 2-hr enjoyable movie and not an 8-hr bathos, so they did some necessary trimming. Anyway, we're seeing what the Stones themselves felt was most important to tell. What's wrong with that?

Extras: The DVD has about half an hour of concerts from 1964 and 1965, when they were just starting their meteoric rise. Of course, there's a lot of Brian Jones, which I guess is their tribute to him. There's a commentary by director Brett Morgen, but he keeps it mercifully brief.

Mick Jagger says the Stones aren't the least bit sentimental and have little interest in looking back. But in this case he said they had to make this film only because it was their 50-yr anniversary, and if they hadn't, then the BBC would've slapped together a boring opinion-fest about them. They didn't want the BBC to have the last word on them, so we got this very solid work instead.

So there you have it. Crossfire Hurricane is well worth the time for Stones fans and those who are curious about them.

I always liked Maya Rudolph, so I saw this flick and enjoyed it a lot. Miss Rudolph was great as the Smiley Emoji who was also the ruthless dictator of Textopolis. She did lots of evil with that huge grin permanently affixed over her entire body. The CGI was excellent and the plot was entertaining and I had a good movie-going experience. Not exactly a classic, but quite good by my standards.

Then I read some critics' reviews and I wondered if I had seen the same movie. It was unrelenting bashing and a competition to see who could be the most insulting. Critics are frequently stampeded into Groupthink and are often simply afraid to go against the general consensus for fear of appearing to be less hip than all their associates, so I didn't think much of it.

Then I saw some of the IMDb user reviews. Wow! Everybody was clearly on the edge of suicide just from watching a cartoon. Or else they were contemplating poking their own eyes out with barbecue forks in order to avoid the chance of ever seeing "The Emoji Movie" again, or anything else even close to being that horrendous.

So anyway, I thought I'd throw my own thoughts out there just for the heck of it. like I said, "Emoji" gave me a lot of laughs and a good time. To me, it doesn't even remotely resemble the reviews I read, and I recommend you give it a try if you're interested and are not scared away by all the negativity.

Denzel's 2004 version is one of my favorite one-man-army revenge flicks, so when I saw this title at the truck-stop $1 bin, I grabbed it. It's a most excellent take on the same story and well worth watching. Scott Glenn is a top-notch tough-guy actor who never got his big break, but he always does a great job and this is clearly some of his best work, IMO (also check out "The Challenge", 1982). This French/Italian 1987 version had only a small fraction of the budget of Denzel's film and it quickly sank out of sight in America, but it works on different levels and is very entertaining in its own peculiar way.

Glenn's Creasy is a great version of the burned-out, PTSD-suffering, haunted, depressed former Special Ops bad*** soldier who has seen and done too much and has totally given up on life. Yes, this character is an action movie stereotype, but Glenn breathes a lot of life into him. He starts out bedraggled, but unlike Denzel he stays shabby-looking when he gets hired for his ultimately redemptive bodyguard job. After all Hell breaks loose, then he shaves and gets a haircut and the audience knows he means business from that moment on.

Jade Malle was a 12-yr-old French actress, so it's a very different dynamic from Dakota Fanning's little girl, but it's interesting in a special way. Glenn's Creasy still sees her as the daughter he never had, but being older she's more of a pain in the butt than a sweet little girl would be. Some people always put a Lolita angle on these types of stories, but anyone who's ever been a father or an uncle or a big brother to a needy tween girl knows it's far more likely to just feel protective towards these girls. Miss Malle does some very nice, naturalistic, unaffected acting while depicting a lonely, neglected girl who fixates on Creasy as a down-and-out loner well worthy of salvage and her friendship, even though he initially has no desire whatsoever to be her reclamation project or her friend. But Samantha is determined to pull this poor lost soul back into the world of the living, and she gradually brings him around.

Of course, we all know Creasy's not going to stay a cheerful guy who's found a reason for living and is glad to be alive again. There's trouble right around the corner and when it hits, Glenn is extremely effective as an obsessed, highly-skilled, heavily-armed vengeance-seeker unconcerned with his own survival. Also, among many other great actors and actresses in the supporting cast, we have Joe Pesci in the Christopher Walken role and he's fantastic as usual.

Anyway, for fans of the one-man-army revenge films, this is a fine example of the genre. I also highly recommend my own personal favorite, the Korean "The Man From Nowhere", made in 2010. Don't be afraid of the subtitles or you'll miss out on a classic film.

I stumbled onto this film because of insomnia. AMC used it as filler about 3:30AM on a weeknight and I was mightily impressed. Extremely high-quality movie all the way around and it takes its time building up a big head of steam, then it delivers a deeply satisfying and emotionally moving payoff. The only problem it has, and several reviewers commented on this, is the complexity of the plot and all the different characters intertwining and converging. This is really only an issue because of the language barrier, and it is difficult to read the subtitles and also keep track of the many characters and plot points at the same time. So I bought my own DVD. It was cheap and I was able to easily untangle the whole story. The DVD also has a dubbed-in English version if anyone is so inclined. Believe me, the entire script is quite intelligent and very logical and it all fits together seamlessly once you catch on. (***SPOILER ALERT!!!***) For example, some reviewers couldn't figure out how So-mi was spared near the end. Ramrowan had a private sense of warrior's honor (or the Samurai code or whatever you want to call it) in him the whole time and he adored So-mi despite himself. So he ended up killing the surgeon at the very last instant and cutting his eyes out, instead of letting the surgeon cut So-mi's eyes out. He also could've easily shot Cha Tae-shik during the climactic battle scene, but he believed it would've been a great dishonor if he and Cha Tae-shik didn't settle matters man-to-man.

Anyway, this is one of the very finest one-man-army revenge films that you'll find anywhere. I put it right up there with Denzel Washington's "Man on Fire", it's that good.

This is an extremely high-quality made-for-TV movie that's as good as any theatrical film. Research revealed that this story stuck very closely to the facts and was as true-to-life as a movie can get. Robert Mitchum has an undeserved reputation for sometimes being indifferent about a movie after he cashes his paycheck, but I can guarantee that he has in fact given this movie and this part his full attention. His Gary Tison is an extremely scary psychopath who only sees other people as tools to be manipulated for his own benefit. Nobody else trusts him anymore, so he uses his three sons to help him escape prison, and to throw their own lives away in the process. Mitchum is my favorite actor, and this role is as good as anything I've ever seen him do. He's very creepy in a real-life way. I saw this film when it was shown back in 1983, and I've never forgotten it. The entire cast is also top-notch. Stuart Margolin usually supplies comic relief in his roles, but watch for him as Tison's co-conspirator in this one. He and Mitchum perfectly embody prison lifers, and it's not a pretty sight. It's a horrible, tragic story but the acting is unparalleled.

I only saw this one because I always watch anything with Elizabeth Taylor, and she never disappoints. It's an odd little movie with a typical screwball comedy gimmick that also veers in and out of social commentary. The gimmick is that Van Johnson was a WWII Army Air Corps pilot who got wounded and had to recuperate in an Alpine monastery basement that was filled with barrels of brandy. The Luftwaffe bombed the monastery and Johnson spent 14 hours being literally up to his nose in brandy. The experience gave him psychological issues with alcohol. If he drinks even the tiniest amount he instantly gets falling-down, hallucinating, blind drunk; but in a comical way. After the war, he becomes valedictorian at his law school and gets hired by an upper-crust law firm owned by Elizabeth Taylor's father. Liz is an eye-popping 18-years-old at this point, and she plays yet another headstrong daughter of a rich guy. It's a role she could play in her sleep, but Liz was the consummate professional and she always gave great value, no matter what the part. Here she's a hawk-eyed meddler who immediately appraises Johnson as possible husband material, but first she has to fix his alcohol problem. She used to work for one of New York's top psychiatrists, so she takes it upon herself to provide Johnson's therapy.

Meanwhile, the social commentary comes in when the law firm is retained by a big-time real estate company to prevent a Chinese doctor from moving into one of their apartments. Johnson gets accidentally entangled in this situation and he feels very strongly about helping the doctor out. There's some drunken slapstick throughout the film, and it alternates jarringly with the racial injustice aspects.

At any rate, Liz comes through with another radiant performance, same as always. Also, she wears another top-shelf wardrobe, again same as always. She even does some reaction shots where she arches her eyebrows and makes her entire hairline move up and down. I never noticed her do that before.

Anyway, if you're a Liz fan, you'll appreciate this flick. It's only 82 minutes long and it zips right along. A top-notch cast gets a lot of crisp dialogue which they all deliver with admirable aplomb. All that, plus an 18-yr-old Elizabeth Taylor. It can't get any better.

Nobody should ever complain after watching a Robert Redford movie. After all these years, we know exactly what he's about and what he will show us. A lot of magnificent scenery with fantastic cinematography, and an old curmudgeon unaware that he's just waiting on a chance at redemption. Redford cares deeply about his movies and he always makes them high-quality and totally out of step with the current fashion. This is a good thing if you're not particularly enthusiastic about still more comic-book flicks and space fantasies and remakes and movies based on old TV shows, along with explosions and crazy driving.

This time around, Redford is in fine form as always, and he has skillful backup, again as always. He's not interested in hogging the screen and insists on having perfectly-tuned performances from the other characters. There's really nothing left to say about Morgan Freeman, but Jennifer Lopez is the big surprise here. De-glammed from a magazine cover goddess to a naturally pretty, stressed-out, mistake-prone woman in her mid-30s and at the end of her rope, JLo fits right in with her esteemed colleagues and in fact holds her own with them. She's rarely praised for her acting, but she certainly deserves it for this role. These three hold down the center of the film, but everybody else in the cast also does superb work. Not a single dud in the bunch.

Redford's Einar has let himself many years ago. He's unshaven, his hair sticks out in all directions, he's not clean nor does he wear clean clothes. He clearly just doesn't give a bowel movement. When I was little, I had a great-uncle who looked the same way and visits to his house were always guaranteed to be an experience. So Einar is an archetype, and a very good one. He and Morgan Freeman's Mitch are two very badly damaged men; Einar psychologically and Mitch physically. Meanwhile, JLo's Jean has run out of options and she's forced to turn to the one man and to return to the one place that she swore she'd never go near again. At first glance, the unfinished life in the title seems to refer to Einar's long-dead son, but it turns out that it's also about Einar and Jean and Mitch. All three had their lives stopped by some tragedy and they learn to finally move on with the help of the other two.

Anyway, "An Unfinished Life" is an enjoyable, leisurely, easy-going movie experience and I highly recommend it. Especially if you're looking for a break from our routine movie options, like I said earlier.

It's all a gag, and it really is expertly done. Kudos to all concerned. It's a goof on every Lifetime movie ever made in particular, and on TV drama in general. Everybody plays it totally straight. There's no hipster attitude or ironic distance from the material; the entire cast plays along, even the little girl. It probably only took a week or so to film, so it looks like everybody had a fun time of it. Its tone-perfect re-creation is its greatest strength and its worst weakness. It's such an authentic Lifetime copy that it also includes the boredom and the flat, lifeless, soap-opera-like quality. Sitting through a real Lifetime movie is difficult work at times. Every possible Lifetime cliché is thrown in, nothing gets left out. Just in case someone might miss the joke, it helpfully adds the "Based On a True Story" claim at the beginning. Then at the end, we see the happy-ending epilogue ("Six Months Later"), where the family clumsily dances together to a fake, ersatz-rock song and uses wooden spoons as microphones. If anyone is looking to kill two hours, this flick will do the trick, just like any real Lifetime movie, but with the added subtext of some extremely subtle humor.

I saw this film when it first came out, at the drive-in from the back of my parents' station wagon. I was very small and the ideas behind it were way over my head, but I always remembered it reverently over the years, although I forgot its name. My favorite character was the Deacon, who I thought was just the coolest gunfighter ever. Many, many years later it surfaced on TCM as part of an Asian tribute. I was totally amazed to discover that the Deacon was Mel Torme! He also sang the theme song.

Anyway, WLAD is some excellent, heartfelt, moving social commentary hidden in a B-western. It was written and directed by James Clavell and featured acting that's second to none. That's because parts for Asians were almost non-existent at the time, and these Asians made the very most of their rare opportunity. I mean that in the most complimentary fashion possible. There's no hambone over-emoting, just some dignified, highly skilled, restrained performances by all of them.

Nobu McCarthy is gorgeous and heartbreaking, and James Shigeta is enormously powerful. These two are Japanese, but they play Chinese immigrants and their performances are quite moving. Benson Fong and Kam Tong play much smaller, but still vital roles. Both the older men are first introduced as being servile, pidgin-English-speaking, scurrying stereotypes around whites. But they're something else entirely around their fellow Chinese. It's a nice touch, and Clavell uses it in the opening scene to great effect.

The white cast are all perfect fits for their roles and turn in some fantastic support for the stars. Jack Lord is right on the money for his rigid, stubborn, hot-tempered Linc Bartlett character. Josephine Hutchinson is his mother and Lilyan Chauvin is his French girlfriend. Both are outstanding. The bigoted townspeople are all excellently portrayed as well. This is an obviously low-budget B-western but the actors are all superb. Not a single dud in the bunch.

WLAD takes place in 1870 California and Linc is a former Union Army captain. He's in San Francisco on business and he agrees to let Cheng Lu (James Shigeta) ride back with him to his hometown of Jericho. Then he's outraged when he happens upon a slave auction of Chinese girls who are being sold into prostitution. The youngest is 19-yr-old Kim Sung (Nobu McCarthy), and when she's forced to strip in front of the crowd of bidders, Linc is overwhelmed by her humiliation and her shame and her shy nature. So he bids $750 in gold coins for her and then closes the bidding by drawing his gun and pointing it at the auctioneer. Linc then tries to set Kim free, but Cheng Lu explains to him that it's not that simple. She is helpless and can't speak English and has nowhere to go, so she will just end up right back where she started. So Linc takes both Kim and Cheng Lu back to Jericho with him and sets an epic tragedy in motion.

I can't recommend this film highly enough. If you watch it, I guarantee you'll be deeply impressed. I saw it on TCM, but it can now be seen for free whenever you want on YouTube on "The Pilar Seurat Channel". If you want something unusual and touching, try it. You'll be glad you did.

I saw this flick when it first came out and I absolutely loved the visuals. Then I pretty much forgot about it, but the other day I saw it in the $1 bin and grabbed it. "The Cell" has some incredible cinematography that brings the hallucinations of disturbed minds to vivid life. Very imaginative and extremely creepy. Sadly, it also passes up a chance for one of the greatest visuals of all. It's quite disappointing when there's not even a glimpse of Jennifer Lopez's famous butt. Why hire JLo and then not have her turn around even once? What a waste. Anyway, "The Cell" bombed big-time, both critically and box-office-wise, but it's an exquisitely made film that really delivers in all departments. An original concept, a clever script, some fine acting, and the aforementioned visuals that are astounding and striking and imaginative. No CGI, it's all amazing sets and spooky lighting and skillful makeup. It deserved a far better fate than what it got.

This flick was in heavy rotation on TCM recently; I guess because it was Steve McQueen's big break. He does a fine job, as does Charles Bronson, but "NSF" is a perfect unintentionally funny, entertainingly bad movie. When Frank Sinatra was genuinely interested in playing a sympathetic and vulnerable character in a top-notch movie, he was most excellent. "The Manchurian Candidate" is one of the best films ever. But most of the time his ego was totally out of control, and that's definitely the case here. He looks like the 98-lb weakling "before" in Charles Atlas's body-building cartoon ads, and is laughably unconvincing as a jungle warfare commando. Frank weighs about 120 lbs here, and there's good reason why he never took his shirt off in his flicks. He's skinny, but not in shape. Don't get me wrong, he went through an entire telephone book of gorgeous women, so he clearly had what it takes in real life. But watching him play a Lee Marvin-type guy just doesn't work, not even for a second. He looks very scrawny in his fatigues and wears an immaculate bush hat with one brim turned up on the side, Australian-style, along with possibly the worst beard in movie history.

Frank's romance with Gina Lollobrigida is pretty comical, although it's not meant to be. Gina plays a kept woman being employed by a wealthy war profiteer, but he conveniently drops out of the picture whenever Frank's around. Gina is stunning, but is a terrible actress. Luckily, she knows how to breathe deeply while wearing low-cut bodices. Frank's romantic patter is no more convincing than his tough-guy banter: "I'll keep you barefoot and pregnant and living on the edge of town." Of course, a world-class beauty steeped in luxury would immediately fall head-over-heels for such a smooth line. Frank was one of Hollywood's greatest ladies' men, so he fully realized the silliness here, but he played it straight and never winked at the audience. Throughout the entire movie, Frank is able to frequently switch back and forth between the jungle and Gina's hotel suite. Not a bad deal.

"NSF" is based on a WWII novel written by Frank's character, and it's probably an interesting book, but the movie fails to do it justice. He's a U.S. military adviser training Burmese Kachin tribesmen to wage guerrilla warfare on the Japanese. There's a lot of great exterior shots of the Burmese countryside and cities and temples and monuments, but everything else was filmed on Hollywood sets, presumably so the Chairman of the Board could hit the LA bars immediately after completing his scenes for the day. So the combat scenes are excruciatingly and distractingly fake-looking. One big moment is when Frank and his men paddle silently downriver to a huge Chinese encampment in broad daylight. Hundreds of soldiers, and every last one of them is in a deep and restful sleep, including the sentries. They're all piled up on top of each other, even though they have plenty of room all around, and seem to enjoy napping in an enormous cluster. Frank's men surround them and they meekly surrender when Frank orders them to. Much to their regret, because Frank later orders them all shot as a demonstration of his ruthlessness.

The Kachin are appropriately servile and grateful to their Great White Saviors. They actually apologize to Frank when they get shot and have to die in his spindly arms. One of them gets badly wounded and the unit doesn't have any medicine or a doctor, so Frank shoots him to put him out of his misery; just like you'd do to a loyal dog. At least the poor guy doesn't say "Thanks, Frank" before the Chairman pulls the trigger. Even Mr. Sulu from "Star Trek" is there and plays pretty much the same part as he later does in "The Green Berets", another inadvertent howler.

Anyway, this flick is well worth the time, although not for the reasons its makers intended. I only gave it a 6, but for entertainment value it really rates much higher. Bad-movie fans are guaranteed to find every moment enjoyable in a perversely satisfying way.

I'm just a tired old man, but I love Tyra Banks, so I watched "Life-Size" a few times when it was in rotation on the Disney Channel back in 2000. It's a very sweet-natured, well-made, deftly-acted fantasy with some startling cast choices. I'm a long-time sap for sentimentality and I loved this flick.

The aforementioned Tyra is probably a crazy, conceited, difficult witch in real life, but here she plays an absolutely adorable, appealing, luminous character. Supermodels make a living by already fulfilling that illusion of portraying dolls come to life, so it could very well be that this is not such a terrible stretch for Miss Tyra. It's a nice touch that the Barbie clone "Eve" is played by a black woman, but with no attention called to her race. Tyra just cruises comfortably through her role, and she's funny and touching and sad in all the right places. She's Miss Perfect, with all her many careers and beautiful outfits and makeup. The humor comes in when she discovers that all her make-believe skills are non-existent in reality, but she determinedly soldiers on anyway. "Policewoman Eve" leaps in front of a speeding truck to save a fallen Lindsay Lohan, but it's pure luck that the driver has excellent brakes. "Homemaker Eve" just makes a terrible mess of the kitchen instead of whipping up a delicious meal. "Secretary Eve" looks fantastic in a business suit and a bun, but she can't type or operate office machinery. And so on.

The other casting surprise is a very young Lindsay Lohan. She's about 13 or 14 here, and shows no signs of the horrible future that awaits her. She plays her part skillfully, and is impressive as a young girl who's understandably upset by her mother's death and her father's inability to supply the attention she wants and needs. The rest of the cast is likewise superb, and all the acting neatly fits into the light-hearted tone of this flick.

Now, to the present. Tyra recently tweeted that a sequel is in the planning stages, and might be made later this year. I hope so, and I will definitely watch it if everything works out. Tyra herself will be right on the money. At 40, she doesn't look all that different from 26 or 27, and will easily make an awesome Eve. The other actors can still fit in just fine if the story includes a passage of time aspect. I highly doubt that Disney will hire Lindsay Lohan this time around. She has become way too unreliable and erratic, and might ruin the whole project. Another mid-20's actress could play Casey quite well without all the off-screen headaches. Anyway, the original "Life-Size" is a fun little movie that Disney has expertly aimed at children, but adults will also find plenty to entertain them if they just relax and let it carry them back to their own childhood for a couple hours.

TCM showed this the other night, and I hadn't watched it from start to finish in decades. It's just a fantastic flick, with so much going on, both on the surface and deep underneath. I'd even forgotten how incredible the beginning is. After the opening credits, the very first thing we see is a beautiful, naked, bored, irate, frustrated, horny, desperate Faye Dunaway. She angrily flounces around her bedroom, slamming things, then happens to look out her second-floor window just in time to spot a dapper Warren Beatty lurking by her mother's car. Wearing only a dress and shoes, she rushes out to confront him. Clyde sweet-talks her and takes her downtown to buy her a "Co-Cola". She uses her bottle as a phallic symbol, and when Clyde pulls out his pistol (no, not that one), she caresses the barrel lovingly and dares him to use it. Which he does, and they're off and running, together to the end. That's only the first few minutes. "B&C" gets better and better and gathers more and more momentum until the shocking finish. Clyde is everything Bonnie was hoping for, without her even realizing it at the time. He's handsome, reckless, spontaneous, blithely unconcerned with rules and laws, and lives totally in the moment. In fact, he's constitutionally incapable of thinking even ten minutes ahead. Anyway, these two are both extremely stupid and completely lost in the world, as well as being an ideal match for each other, however temporary and tragic their union may be.

So that's on one level. They're small-time crooks who manage to capture the national media's attention with their lawless escapades and become early versions of tabloid/reality stars. An interesting treatise on fame, because their habit of photographing each other and Bonnie's poetry adeptly feeds the American public's voracious appetite for heroes to worship, as well as our avid fascination with and envy for those same heroes. We live vicariously through them to escape our humdrum existence because it all seems so romantic to be young lovers on the run, doing whatever they want, constantly one step ahead of the law. It's fun for us to read and fantasize about, but Bonnie and Clyde eventually have to pay the ultimate price for our long-distance enjoyment. Hillbilly Christ-figures, in a strange way.

The real Bonnie and Clyde only lasted about two years after they started their crime spree, but they must've packed a lot of life into that short time. Modern crime sprees only last a few days, so just imagine one that went on for over two years. Warren and Faye capture our absolute sympathy, but the real couple killed a lot of people; some lawmen, some innocent citizens, as well as destroying a lot of property that regular folks worked hard for. But make the desperadoes great-looking, and we'll follow them straight to Hell.

The cast is utterly fantastic, and "B&C" was the big break for a list of long-time Hollywood heavyweights. But my favorite was Michael J. Pollard, who was absolutely and precisely right on the money, and that was exactly his problem. He could never be a leading man or a romantic lead or a hero or even an antihero because of his odd appearance and small stature. So all the others rose to the heights and left him behind, although his contribution was at least as vital as all the rest. Also, Dub Taylor, who played his father, was one of the all-time greatest and most magnetic character actors. His performance is so natural and so real, it's like watching one of your crazy relatives, not a movie character.

All these towering talents came together to create one of the most essential American films of all time. In fact, it's so good and so intense, it's hard to watch at times. Later flicks stole the gory violence and amorality and ambiguity, but "Bonnie and Clyde" was there first. A true original.

Sadly, we all know that poor Liz didn't age very well, but in her prime she was second to none. She's absolutely luminous in this one, and she looks fantastic in every scene. Not a hair out of place, perfect makeup and a flawless wardrobe. Her character, Louise Durant, also seems to be pretty close to the real-life Elizabeth in some ways. There's an unintentionally funny scene where Louise blithely informs her father that she intends to divorce her new husband because he has become an inconvenience to her constant scheming. She also tries out for an exclusive music academy, but when her lifeless piano playing is revealed at her audition, she immediately and calmly switches tactics: "Professor, I want to be a student here. I will pay double what everyone else pays." Superb realization of her character and herself in just a few seconds.

This is an Elizabeth Taylor star vehicle, so she expertly and effortlessly inhabits the center of all the action, but the supporting cast is fantastic as well. Louis Calhern, Vittorio Gassman, John Ericson, Michael Chekhov and many others turn in beautifully natural performances. Mr. Gassman and Mr. Ericson actually seem to be playing their instruments in a quite realistic fashion.

Finally, last but certainly not least, the music itself is awe-inspiring. There's a LOT of gorgeous music frequently interspersed throughout the film, and it's tremendously impressive, to put it mildly. The soundtrack features Claudio Arrau on piano and Michael Rabin on violin, covering for Mr. Ericson and Mr. Gassman, respectively.

IMO, Miss Taylor was the ultimate movie star and this film gives ample evidence of all her beauty and femininity and talent and skill as well as her surefooted acceptance of and expertise in every one of those qualities. A woman who was perfectly comfortable in her own skin from Day One. "Rhapsody" is an excellent, well-made film. You won't regret seeing it.

TCM just showed it this afternoon and I have to comment. I saw it at the drive-in when I was very small, from the back of my parents' station wagon. It was a double feature with Steve Reeves in "The Thief of Baghdad". I hadn't seen either flick since, but TMS has stuck in my mind for all these years and it was a lot of fun to watch again. To me, way before CGI and state-of-the-art FX, this was a great epic. I didn't realize how low-budget and corny it was, I loved it. There are many comments about that very same low budget, but it looks to me like Bert Gordon spent every dime wisely. All those monsters and costumes and sets seemed vivid and real to me at the time. Estelle Winwood was greatly likable and funny and Basil Rathbone was excellently evil. They probably only got one take per scene, but they were true professionals and made the very best of it. This time around, I realized the rest of the cast was many miles behind Miss Winwood and Mr. Rathbone. But that's not the point. TMS was designed for kids, although with a crafty adult sense of humor behind it all. For example, when Lodac shut off Sybil's magic mirror, it went haywire exactly like a malfunctioning TV screen. There's even a brief glimpse of a nude princess. Wow! Can't possibly describe the effect that had on me back then. Anyway, the cast was playing knights and witches and kings and princesses and wizards and freaks and monsters and bad guys and creatures of all descriptions. What kid could ask for anything more? Yes, the ogre was a guy wearing a costume that he could barely move in. But to me at the time, it was a thrilling battle between him and the seven brave knights. The point is, this is a flick to watch with young eyes and it will reward you with a fun time. Now, will TCM ever show a Steve Reeves movie? I'd like to see "The Thief of Baghdad" again.

Someone mentioned this flick the other day and boy, did it bring back memories! "Che!" clearly deserves a place all its own in any discussion of entertainingly bad movies. It's totally unconscious though, because this is a genuine and heartfelt liberal tribute to good old Ernesto, with lots of Hollywood contrivance mixed in. I'm biased because I never bought a Che T-shirt or admired Fidel Castro. I'm pretty sure that without the USSR's timely checkmating of the USA, these two clowns would've been consigned to history's garbage heap in a couple years at the most. Years ago, I read an excellent book about the guy (Max Gomez) who tracked Che down so that the Bolivian Army could shoot him. He was a Cuban expatriate who ended up in the US Army and the CIA. He had quite a different take on Che and Fidel than all those drug-addled American/European teens and intellectuals did. Apparently, Communist revolutionaries have an extremely ruthless viewpoint and a very unsentimental way of doing business. Che looked great on a poster, but his spoiled admirers would not have enjoyed him in person. Or he them. When production of "Che!" was announced, right-wingers and Che-worshipers were both infuriated, albeit for opposite reasons. The hard right was upset that Communists would be glamorized, and Che fans were positively livid that the legend of their sainted icon would be desecrated. But the story goes that when the flick came out, it was so bad and so boring that both sides immediately lost interest in their indignation.

Anyway, back to the movie. Jack Palance is the greatest, but his portrayal of Fidel must be seen to be believed. Mr. Palance never had a reputation for being fun-loving, but I swear he's always on the verge of cracking up and is struggling to keep it together the entire time. He probably didn't have a choice, because the script is so absurd that it was impossible to take seriously. Omar Sharif just wheezes and gasps during all his screen time, in order to emphasize Che's real-life asthma. Seriously, that's it. He just pants like an obscene phone caller the whole movie and displays zero charisma, which I assume the real Che must've had at least some of. I guess the filmmakers thought that scenes of Che struggling to overcome his asthma and still being so dynamic added tremendous drama to Omar's role. "Che!" also features the inimitable Woody Strode and the immortal Sid Haig as henchmen, and they both do their usual fine work. The funny thing is, nobody even attempts a Hispanic accent, or else they give it a half-a***d try and waver back and forth. There are some odd "interviews" interspersed throughout, which are meant to imply a documentary feel, but they're as disconcertingly comical as the rest of the flick. One character gives a long speech and then actually looks directly into the lens and implores: "Please don't tell anyone I said any of this!" Good stuff.

It's available on Amazon instant video, but DVD's are almost certainly non-existent. It's still pretty hilarious, same as I remembered. But I bet it's even better in a group setting, with inebriated viewers. I gave it 1 star, purely on face value, but as unintentional comedy it deserves 10 stars.

This film made a HUGE impression on me as a small child while I watched it on the family TV, lying on the floor. So I have a very sentimental attachment to it. At that time I was a big fan of all Sir Walter Scott's novels - well, the Classic Comics versions, actually. Anyway, I was completely in awe of "Ivanhoe" and I enjoyed very second of it. The only thing I couldn't grasp was how Ivanhoe could prefer Rowena over Rebecca! I was only 6 or 7, but the 19-year-old Elizabeth Taylor made a deep, incomprehensible-at-the-time impression on me. She was literally incredible. How could anybody possibly turn her down? But, that's what happened for the sake of the story.

I've watched "Ivanhoe" many times since, and my older, cynical self spotted a lot that I missed that first time. Robert Taylor was way too old and too stiff and was a very wooden actor. Put Tyrone Power in there and you'd have an all-time classic epic. But I also noticed the inimitable George Sanders. Wow! What a great villain he was! I thought his Sir Brian was actually far more realistic than Ivanhoe because he fell really hard for Rebecca, which made a lot more sense to me.

But anyway, this is a great swashbuckler, very entertaining and colorful. I am now so old that I can just let it carry me along and take me back to my childhood for a couple hours. No matter what though, it's still impossible for me to comprehend someone not taking Liz when he had the chance. After it's over, I picture Ivanhoe in his castle being nagged by Rowena and kicking himself in the butt, over and over and over.

Elizabeth Taylor was my favorite actress and a true original, so I felt compelled to watch this flick. Her public speaking voice was the same as her movie voice: Unhurried, dramatic, slightly breathy and girlish, but also mannered and precise and contrived; and it served her perfectly over all those years. A skilled actress could've nailed that unique yet easily-parodied diction with some hard work, but Lindsay Lohan didn't even try. She just used her regular hoarse voice and performed at about the same level as a fine arts student in a community college production. This tells us all we need to know about "Liz & Dick". Lindsay was used for stunt casting and she knew it oh so well. Since she was hired to be a sideshow freak, I guess she didn't even feel like exerting herself: "If everyone's going to laugh at me anyway, I'll give them something to laugh at just to prove that I'm in on the joke." In her defense, the writing is so (deliberately?) awful, there's not a lot she can do with it. Her flat line readings, interspersed with unconvincing hysterics, inability to connect meaningfully with her cast mates, and all-around bored demeanor just spotlight a completely unprofessional distance from this project. By way of contrast, Elizabeth was the consummate professional from head-to-toe and was constitutionally incapable of giving an unconvincing performance despite her own personal, occasionally negative feelings toward the character or the script or the movie itself. Also, Elizabeth had luminous alabaster skin in her youth, although she developed an unfortunate predilection for suntans later on in life, which rendered her incredible complexion merely ordinary. Lindsay is a pale redhead who has scorched her skin unmercifully over her own lifetime, and there's no attempt to cover her freckles as she essays the younger Elizabeth. Just like her voice, Elizabeth's body language and her stride were painstakingly crafted to create the maximum effect, which was extremely sensual and an overwhelming display of feminine power and awareness and authority. Lindsay simply stands around and only walks to get from place to place. Some of the wigs and makeup and camera angles give Lindsay a fleeting resemblance to Elizabeth, but the faint likeness dissolves as soon as she speaks or moves.

Grant Bowler seems like a good actor who's doing his best and he projects a reasonable similarity to Richard Burton, but his wigs are way too distracting and he also faces the same horrible dialogue and outlandish situations. And there's no electricity or attraction whatsoever, sexual or otherwise, between him and his co-star; they're not convincing for an instant as larger-than-life personalities fulfilling an all-time Great Romance. Like I said, he appears at least to be trying, but Lindsay seems to be actually pushing him away and being totally uncooperative in all their scenes together.

In their defense, they both have some monumental absurdities to cope with from start to finish. The black-clad ghosts narrating the goings-on from the Afterlife while seated on black directors' chairs and enjoying cigarettes and cocktails, the inference that they kept their "Cleopatra" costumes and makeup on while having sex in their trailers, Lindsay retaining a lean appearance despite frequent complaints and comments regarding her character's weight, Lindsay projecting the older Elizabeth as a Joan Collins clone, and so on and on and on...

Is all this the "hipster" attitude? Does hipster mean staying constantly ironic and deliberately removed and untouchable and uncaring and subtly mocking? If so, then "Liz & Dick" is definitely and flagrantly hipster. Only watch it if you want a strangely funny viewing experience, not a good entertainment vehicle. Some people used it as a backdrop for drinking games, and it's well suited for them. Everyone should take a drink whenever Lindsay throws something or utters one of her unforgettably disastrous lines, or a supposedly serious scene causes laughter, or a character makes a stiff and stilted speech, or whatever. Just have transportation arranged or let the guests sleep it off at the viewing location, because all the attendees will get really drunk.

This movie has a lot of factors to recommend it and here they are:

1) The bullet train battle. One samurai and his wife take on a dozen ninjas aboard a passenger train. This scene must be seen to be believed, trust me. Which brings up another great feature: The samurai's wife loyally stands by his side no matter what he does, right or wrong, until the bitter end. She's just as capable and brave as he is, and is always right in the middle of all the action. He's not the stereotypical loner; he has a woman he can always count on. Also, the villain himself has a perverted version of this relationship; he too has a steadfast wife that he relies upon.

2) There's a lot of very adept writing throughout the film. Among some other excellent concepts, it also pays tribute to the Iliad (honest, it does) by using two major plot points from the ancient masterpiece. There's a skillfully done version of Hector killing Patroclus, who's disguised as Achilles; and of course the old Trojan Horse shows up at the end.

3) It subverts a lot of Hollywood clichés. The white hero is injured, helpless and physically outmatched for almost the entire film, and he requires a lot of rescuing by some of the Japanese characters. When the white hero fights the villain, it's the villain who's badly wounded and exhausted, not the other way around as it usually is. For a change, the hero is the one who resorts to dirty tricks and improvisation to win. So it actually seems somewhat realistic that the hero could come out on top in this case.

4) The sword fights are quick and brutal and gruesome. It's all stabbing and slashing; not that constant parrying with the swords clanging off each other for ten minutes and no one gets hurt until the finish.

5) There's a distinct element of Japanese mysticism and superstition, but it's all very subtle and not obvious at all. There's a little bit of reference to curses and legends and so forth, but it isn't laid on too thick. The samurai picks up the wrong sword during the penultimate battle, and it costs him his life. Joan Chen's character supernaturally guides and aids the hero after her death, but it's never blatant. A young Japanese girl who is certainly her in spirit form (Lambert even refers to this girl as his "angel") saves him at the Pachinko arcade and later on she shows up as herself in a hallucination, which stays the villain's deadly hand just in the nick of time. Same as she watches over the hero, she also hexes the villain before her death and haunts him until his own end. It's a nice touch.

6) There's a faint undertone of attraction between the samurai's wife and the hero. The samurai even seems to give it his blessing as he's dying, when he orders her to survive her own wounds. Of course, she and the hero are the only ones still alive after the big battle sequence and it sure looks like they will hook up quite soon.

7) The acting is uniformly outstanding and exceptional by all the Asian actors and actresses. Christopher Lambert is one of the oddest movie stars ever; his acting is wooden and his accent is distracting, but he does somehow pull it off and makes a fine hero this time around.

Anyway, this is a classic action flick and I can't recommend it highly enough. If you're like me and are fascinated by the concept of ninjas and samurai still secretly lurking about in the modern world, and of course doing battle with each other, then you need this one in your collection.

This was on TCM the other night and I only watched it because of George Sanders - he's the epitome of an upper-crust snake. To this day, I don't think there is an actor that's better at portraying wealthy, powerful, manipulative sadists that literally ooze smooth sliminess and snobbery. His characters are always convincing and authentic and scarily real, never fake or two-dimensional or overplayed. Good old George doesn't disappoint this time around, either. He's at his usual heartless, self-serving, cold-blooded best here.

The big surprise was how fantastic the rest of the cast is. Tyrone Power is impossibly handsome and kind-hearted, but he somehow pulls it off. Frances Farmer is his gorgeous, but not-so-innocent, first cousin. She and Tyrone are passionate lovers despite this being Merry Olde England, not West Virginia.

Things get really interesting when Tyrone ends up on a South Pacific island diving for a fortune in pearls with his partner, John Carradine. I kept waiting for Mr. Carradine to double-cross Tyrone, but he's actually a good guy on this occasion. This island is an adolescent boy's fantasy, complete with Gene Tierney as the ideal girlfriend. She's awesomely beautiful, falls madly in love with Tyrone right off the bat, and is unfailingly compliant and worshipful of her white boyfriend, although she's entirely unconvincing as a native island girl. She's so perfect that she doesn't even get pregnant! That's a development which would really complicate things tremendously for old Ty! And when Ty has to leave to return to England to set things aright, she's still supportive and loving and even gives him absolution for deserting her: "I can never be happy unless you are happy, too. You must go!". So Ty goes back, gives everybody involved (good and bad) their just due, and then very wisely returns to his island paradise and Miss Tierney, thank God.

I only mentioned a few of the actors, but "SOF" is packed with great cast members who all deliver top-notch performances. This film zips along with no dull spots and has a fresh energy that overcomes the constant clichés and incredible implausibilities. It's very enjoyable to watch and hits all of the audience's buttons, and indeed hits them dead-center. It's built to please and does so with great skill. For pure entertainment value, "SOF" and its ilk are far superior to a lot of the remakes and comic-book-inspired, CGI-laden, bloated blockbusters being cranked out today.

All Marilyn Monroe fans need this flick in their collection. To me, she's never been better than this. Her scheming, crafty, gorgeous young wife radiates sexiness and treachery with every move, expression and word she makes or speaks. Her body language is impeccable and pitch-perfect in servicing her portrayal. This is a woman who has always known how stunning she is and automatically uses her beauty to her advantage in all circumstances. In fact this movie, as fine as it is, loses a lot of steam after her final scene. It's a nice touch that she can always easily and routinely manipulate the world around her, but in a physical, life-or-death situation she's totally helpless.

There are a few significant loose ends in this flick: What's the significance to George and Rose of the song "Kiss"? Why does Rose want George dead? Is it his life insurance policy or just sadism on Rose's part? Or is she an insatiable control freak who only wants to see how far she can manipulate her young stud into doing her bidding? All these questions are left to the audience's imagination, which greatly heightens the intrigue and mystery of Rose.

The cinematography, the writing, the intense use of imagery employing the awe-inspiring Canadian side of Niagara Falls and the other actors are all right on the money from start to finish. It ends up being Jean Peters's movie, since she's the main character and heroine and she does a fine job. Marilyn's Rose is in fact a supporting role, but she adds so much to the proceedings that she effortlessly dominates the film in her every moment of screen time.

Marilyn was famous for her comedic roles, but I preferred this part that presented her sinister side, which never got enough credit. Similarly, her part in "The Asphalt Jungle" is an excellent, albeit very brief, example of what her acting capabilities really were. She could've added some of the greatest femme fatale characters of all time to her repertoire, and "Niagara" is a tantalizing glimpse of her potential in that direction.