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Charlotte in Sunderland (2023)
Well, it's kind of honest
Let's face it, after al that she's been through - from shagging her way from Georgie Shore to Pepper which was a disaster and Naked Lane which failed.
Her mother has anterior motives and almost as work done as her daughter, riding on her hair styles as her boyfriend does. With her fame and notoriety letting her ride the waves of fame as others siurf behind her shame.
Her Dad may only be the most real person on this show apart from Charlotte here who pours her heart out to the audience! How many characters left - look at the length of this review, and I still have 31 characters to go, it's ridiculous I know - posted elsewhere. You are not the only review site IMDB, Tomatoes and Reddit - just 2 for example - away from Google as you go onto the dark web with VPN and The Onion browser!
Play for Today: Blue Remembered Hills (1979)
One of the most crazy and disturbing comedies
Like the crazy world of The League Of Gentlemen as they batter squirrels to death in the forest.
It's a surreal journey into history when the BBC actually made great and challenging comedy, like The Comic Strip or the cast who went on to make great telly like The Young Ones, Bottom and French and Saunders with Ben Elton, Rik Mayall (RIP) and the family leading the charge.
Even now in 2024 it is a disturbing but fun way to spend a few hours, and will make you want to see more.
Only Julia Davies has come close to the darkness with Nighty Night or Sally4Ever in these days of political correctness, otherwise it's bland telly to distract the masses!
Shark Tank (2009)
It's Dragons Den!
In the uk we had Dragons Den a long time ago!
Why call it Shark Tank when it is exactly the same format? Do Dragons not exist in the USA? I will fly some over from Game Of Thrones if you need some.
They even use the same formula going though numbers with notebooks in a slightly more flashy loft.
What is the point? Just call it what it is? The Apprentice works on both sides of the pond! Be it Trump or Sugar- that is another matter, a tired format and completely out of touch with the real world.
But how much time do the dragons or sharks actually spend after the entrepreneurs have given up most of their shares of the company they love?
Ask yourself that!
Ralph Breaks the Internet (2018)
One of the best
The subtext behind the comedy is all about the century Alpha phone generation who are glued to their iPhones every second of the day. Like zombies looking down and needing likes to increase the endorphins that continue to kick a hit to the brain.
It's a quality film aimed at all ages that gives a cynical view of the Internet and viruses that a few in Silicon Valley have persuaded us to constantly upgrade our iPhones every year. Did you know that we now have chips in our brains?
I guess it's not long until we all become cyborgs, controlled by San Fransisco execs, resurrected from the dead. Is it?
The Longest Day (1962)
A classic off uh tv
Half in black and white, the D DY landings as filmed before Saving Zprivate Ryan. Showing the horrors of war as kids are given a gun and helmet and forced to endure the horrors which we see today in Ukraine still, 80-off years in and we nave not learnt from the lessons of the past.
Thee films keep on comingg, ffron Red sawn to War. Games, it's all the same story, no one can win in this game where commanders sup their gin, safe being d tge lines lines as they send men to their death.
One of true best war movies out there , jingoistic and biased, but gives equal fate to the German state, who are at equal odds to the Nazi regimes.
Quantum of Solace (2008)
Criminally underrated
Craig starts off driving in a high speed chase through the alps! I've driven those roads and it is a scary place to go.
It's a new Bond, for a new age, one we have not seen before with a different kind of villain that we have not seen before, a strangely named movie but still with the usual tropes as Craig travels the world.
Dench as M carries the role through to the end as 007 who obviously cares for his boss takes it through to the bitter end as Spectre takes its toll on his personal life.
He only got married twice, Dianna Rigg and in this one to Gemma Arterton - both died in assassination. Love isn't for him.
The Last House on the Left (2009)
Not sure we needed a remake?
The original as creepy as it is with Jennifer Hills in a female revenge invasion thriller.
A pretty little girl in a home invasion nightmare of rape and torture takes back the advantage in a way not seen since Nightmare or Halloween.
Creepy to watch through the back of your hands and she has to show them her teeth.
But she gets her revenge on the group of strangers who humiliate and rape her.
It's not a bad movie to take up a couple of hours while you struggle to make up more words to fill the 600 Characters requirement by IMDB.
Do they think we are columnists or journalists doing this for free?
Super Size Me (2004)
A scary expose of fast food!
Morgan Spurlock goes on a 30 day mission to only eat fast food to see what it does to his body!
The results are frightening as his body explodes and his waistline expands as his vegan girlfriend looks on at his diminishing libido.
McDonalds features more than any other joint, with the clown and Happy Meals with the toys that lure in your girls and your boys into a national epidemic that will kill more than COVID.
When you look at the evidence there is no defence as the world supersizes every portion from when they released the burger! From a mere 200 calories for a portion of fries to over 600 calories now?!
Four in a Bed (2010)
Come Dine With Me
Same format with the same narration as Com Dine With Me. It's lazy TV, distracting us from the reality of today, away from the biased news of the day.
Unbelievable setup by tv crews that do not give a crap what the contestants feel about their establishments that they love. As others lay them low and pay way below what they think it is worth is a game of girth.
It's stupid to think this kind of show format still exists in 2024 when Lamb et al still persists with their dry whit and et al.
100 characters left and nothing left to say, but this show can go away. It is no good, a shame to TV, that never should be.
Bad Lieutenant (1992)
One of the best
In an era when he played Mr White and collaborated with Tarantino and underrated movie of a crooked cop.
Endlessly high on coke, it has dark shades of Taxi Driver as the cops shake down the dealers in town to get high on their supply.
It's nasty and violent as Keitel is hell bent on keeping his stash. A scary reminder of what New York was like in the dark days of The Mob rule.
Still 200+ characters to go and I'm out of things. To say, apart from Keitel plays a blinder, naked as the day he was born and high as a kite. Where hookers and call girls might fear to tread, as they sleep in his bed. 2 characters to go, on with the show!
The Outlaws (2021)
It started so well.
Like a Guy Ritchie sitcom, coming up from the Asian rise against sitcom, Merchant plays a blinder in the arse of the BBC in the early days of colour TV with Walken a must see that you cannot unsee.
Once watched you can leave the rest of the day, to a binge of mayhem and destruction that is as good as any Ealing comedy you may see. As the gods of comedy scrape their way through 600 letters of random settlers. How. Ling does it take to write a review these days?
Oh my god it takes so long to write a long song, Hunter S took a gun to his head before he was allowed to have said the real truth that is censoried.
Bullseye (1981)
And bully's special prize?
Nothing in this game for 2 in the bed. You can win a speedboat or a sewing machine or for Bully's special prize - a speedboat for the land locked masses of northern Uk.
A tankard if you are lucky, filled with some arrows, pathetically useless. I could do better. In a show that is wetter than whatever the bbc, channel 4 or itv can do today in a bland world of the TV never ending series. That hits us with endless sequels.
There is no end to the sequels that appear on our screens, upsetting the scenes with adverts from our dreams, that haunt and distress, taking our minds off the mess that the world has become.
Come Dine with Me (2005)
No need to see, more cliches than ever
A bit of guilty tv , the producers do not want you to see what goes on behind the curtains of AI generated contents.
As Ai shows usc Alan Lamb at his worst, making us thirst for these 600 words that we must write. There are other options to express your opinion and feelings you knows?
IMDb is a scam, made up to make jam for some big wigs who just want some cigars and big fast cars to drive around Hollywood!
Seriously - still 200 characters to go? But with nothing to go? What am i supposed to say, at the end of the day? I guess I just have to waffle until the numbers count down to let me post.
Saturday Morning with James Martin (2017)
James Martin only cares about James Martin
He only cares when the camera is on him, overtaking overtone so he can get his words out.
Take a step back and see that he has no honesty, eager as a bee to send it all back to me, me, me.
With no honesty what are you supposed to believe? I feel sorry for the crew, and anyone who has to suffer through his bully of anyone he meets as he ignores their comments and puts his own spin on the elements.
Often subtitled it is clear that he just does not hear what the Italians are saying as there is no translation- in fact he is hardly even there to see what goes on in the kitchen! Passing passive agyjudgement.
Revolver (2005)
An underrated masterpiece
Criminally underrated by the masses who turn to lock stock for Ritchie news.
We have Mark Strong, Liotta and of course a bit of the cockney slap headed. Hason Statham to entertain you through a couple of hours in an ultra violet thriller.
Often overlooked as the world loos on to the snazzy thrillers, and Statham becomes increasingly edible to Hollywood in The Expendables.
One of a kind movie that has to be sat through to appreciate- but well worth the wait for the pay off in the end.
A stone cold gangster classsic, that everyone should see more than once. Along with The Godfather trilogy, it's a must see again and again.
It Follows (2014)
Unique horror
The idea that life is a terminal sexually transmitted disease. Infectious with the creepy unrelenting chase of the monster that is it makes this a mastery of modern cinema- in line with Scream.
It! Is horrific by turns, as Bea h scenes show bodies upturned and mutilated, as the waves gently lap through their.vaginal crack. As I I struggle to go through the 600 words that I know are needed to make this a review.
200 to go, but I have no more to give to this joke of a review, only 120 left so I guess I can give it a bit while IONOS is on this and spoiling the show, adverts on as we go?
Only 10 characters left firstly, every click gets you to install the Amazon heavy app - no free speach in this landscape.
Who is it made by? The opening credits have at least 10 hits! It's a masterpiece of the horror genre but so low budget, David Mitchell did not need to get all the sponsors and support. We just used to have MGM on the adverts?!
Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)
A smart and sexy thriller.
Pitt and Jolie as rival hit persons in a joint race to the top of the tree.
It's sexy and glamorous as we follow them across the globe in a bond-esque adventure as they begin to compete their skills to the kills.
Jolie may have peaked in Tomb Raider and Pitt in Fight Club but this is still worth 600 words of anyone's money as Angelina shows off her shooting skills in a circus, while Pitt looks on in disbelief as she knocks down countless targets.
150 words still to go, so I guess that I must go on until the end of the show, because there is no way to submit this review until I have fulfilled the remit.
Futurama (1999)
A futuristic sequel to The Sunpsons
An amazing journey into the future with the menacing Zoidberg. Leela as the love interest.
Fry, cryogenically frozen, awakes into a future he does not understand, populated by aliens that he does not understand- does that sound familiar to you?
Like The Simpsons, a commentary on modern society and where we are heading in a Trump based democracy which we are going back to slowly, or rather rapidly if he stays out of jail.
200 characters still to go before I can leave this review? Now just over 100, so I guess I can spin this review out a bit longer to fill the required character limit to zero..
P. S . You know Bart was voiced by a lady right?
Gordon Ramsay's 24 Hours to Hell and Back (2018)
Sweary Ramsay
Yes Chef!
Ramsay takes on more nightmare restaurants in a tv sensational series as he swears his way through the hours.
He shows. Tenderness while slapping his palm against the back of his hand, simplifying every menu in black T-shirt and whites as he is in the kitchen.
It's the same formula as nightmares and the other shows as he swears his way across an hour, if you have seen one chef Ramsay story, you have seen them all.
It makes you wonder what is the motivation for restaurants wanting to appear on the show? Is it to get a free makeover or to appear on a reality show for some free publicity and a makeover done quickly and cheaply- like a Vegas hotel that will collapse if knocked, the knock test being the gold standard of quality.
Rise of the Footsoldier: Vengeance (2023)
One of the better gangster flicks.
After a few dodgy sequels the football gangster movie is. Back with a punch below the waist that hurts.
Violent and sweary with plastic gangsters in Range Rover, dripping in blood as EastEnders as it comes.
Danny Dyer only needs to make an auto make this as good as any Guy Ritchie movie.
300 words still to go and I have little left to say than it is a great way, to spend a Bank Holiday afternoon in a warm room, cuddled up with your swoon Naked or in pyjamas, as Frankie. Goes To Hollywood ecchos Welcome To The Pleasure Dome throughout your suburban house as the kids rampage outside on their slides, and in the pool.
Tick tock, time is on the clock. An hour in and it barely begins.
Memento (2000)
A stone cold classica
Narrated by my namesake, Guy .... His memory messed up with Carrie Anne Moss, fresh from The Matrix reborn in a new twist on a classic thriller in a darkly twisty and turny they of madness.
Over 600?words needed to write a review these days? Do they think we are just paid journalists giving content to the masses as we plead four our passes, and the right to reply, as any Free Guy.
We go on on and on, 600 words long before we cum to a climax as the words tick to zero, who is the hero. Slowly ticking down, as your face hits the frown - if despair and defeat, as you turn to things to eat, getting fat in front of tv.
Tenet (2020)
It's not Nolan's best
Let's face it, it is not the multiple layered classic that is inception or the Dark Knight trilogy that he is famed for
A downturn in his amazing career that dissipates into needless action sequences of wanton violence without the suspense granted to us by films like Inception- a timeless classic.
Over 300 words still to write, but I have said all that I need to say about Nolan's movie, so I am not sure how to wrap up this review and make this review work into IMDB's format of overlong review wording?
So I guess I will go on and waffle until the characters count down to zero and I can commit the review, phew!
Dog Eat Dog (2016)
Cage at his worsrt
Dog eat dog, a gangster movie with Cage as the bad guy with a star studded cast, wasted on this movie of gangland USA which was bettered by Goodfellas and Casino!
Cage looking to return to Vegas in Con Air or Leaving Las Vegas, maybe his opus magnific of the Cagd series, but I still have 300 chatacters to write, and having run out of things to say about this movie, I guess I will have to make up some drivel to make up the final 100 or so words before time runs out and this gets censored by the powers at IMDB that will do doubt cancel this post Becky it appears online. But there are other ways to submit opinion.
South Bank Sky Arts Awards 2022 (2022)
How do you write a review for Sky Arts?
It's impossible to write a review for a channele? Let alone leave under 600 words these c days.
Leading to endless waffles and hyperbole as we struggle to fill up the empty space required as the red numbers count slowly down into the green - see what I mean?
Only halfway there and I have said all that needs to be said. But I have to go on to allow the app to let me proceed, a ridiculous waste of finger tapping that makes absolutely no sense and does not work in today's succinct communities.
100 to go, so let us finish with a bang shall we? Santana it is on the BBC, 26 to go, so just watch the show😀
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
A stone ccild classic?
Bloody and violent from the start. A brutal description of the horrors of war.
From the D Day landings to the hand to hand fighting with 50 calibre weapons as The Airbourne attack the nazis with graphic violence.
Hanks at his best as he leads his troops to the end, fighting hand to hand in the streets as we see equal compassion and death as the soldiers kill each other. Brutal scenes of heart stopping madness prevail throughout the movie as it comes to a climax.
A bombastic soundtrack underlies the movie, turned up to 10 it surrounds you with the terror of war, still going on in Ukraine right now.