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3 Body Problem (2024)
All dazzle... no substance
I have not read the novels, so this review comes from watching the series with no foreknowledge or expectations beyond hoping for a good show.
And, maybe 1.5 episodes in I realize that I'm just... bored. Things are happening, from a random suicide, some graphics about weird particle flights from an accelerator that are apparently wrong and a 'winking' night sky.... but nothing makes any sense and there's no sense of tension or character development. I decide to cut my losses because my instincts are telling me that this will be all form, no substance that is going to make me frustrated.
I couldn't quite put my finger on what bothered me and thought that perhaps the novels just aren't for me.
And then I saw that the Chinese version was available on Amazon. I watched just the first episode of the Chinese (Tencent) version and I was spellbound. The language is almost always Mandarin and the subtitles can come pretty quickly at first. But, I was completely drawn in. There may be some fancy special effects in later episodes but I will take plot and character and tension any day over "Wow! Look what I can do with CGI and Chat GPT!"
The Tencent version has tension and character development. The scientist suicides are presented and clearly communicated as an international crisis and it's compelling and feels like a completely different story.
I was finally able to figure out what was so wrong with the Netflix adaptation. It violates the fundamental rule of writing: "Show. Don't tell". The Netflix version is constantly telling us what's happening and telling us that something must be important... but it doesn't show why. It doesn't convey the story as anything but some kind of paint-by-numbers multimillion dollar special effects extravaganza.
If they had spent a fraction of the money and just dubbed the Tencent version it would be 100X better for 1,000X less money.
Spaceman (2024)
Long, slow and boring and stupid
Look... I don't need Star Wars and space blasters to enjoy a good Sci Fi movie. What I DO need is a plot with at least some of the basics of a story such as a protagonist, a story arc, tension, a character arc, something interesting.... anything.
This movie has none of those elements. Adam Sandler is a fantastic character actor, but in this movie he's chained to looking lost and confused. The premise of the plot makes no sense. He is traveling for a year round trip to gather some mystical space dust. But, we've already proven that we can do this easier, safer and cheaper with autonomous ships. NASA is studying material right now (!) that we capture from an asteroid remotely.
If I had gone to a theater to watch this I would have been pissed (!) to have wasted a dollar. This is like someone asked how they could mash up Kramer vs. Kramer, My Dinner with Andre and 2001 A Space Odyssey and remove all of the interesting and enjoyable parts of each.
Why, why why!! Would you design this mission with a solo astronaut ? Dumb. It is also established early that the mission can't even get cameras on the ship to work or the toilet. In other words, a simple toilet mishap could doom this astronaut to a lonely death -- which is why it is illogical on its face.
Moving on... the plot.
He's on a solo mission and his pregnant wife decides that this is the time to abandon him 'cause, you know... it's lonely being pregnant without your husband.
Absolutely the same, right? Alone with millions of miles of empty space and a lonely death with even the slightest malfunction vs.... Uber being slow and your friends not being with you on a Saturday.
Any person with the slightest decency would at the very least, keep your "trauma" hidden from your spouse until they are safely home again.... knowing that abandoning him is a death sentence.
What about the spider alien? We're never told how it gets into the space ship and why mission control is unable to detect its presence. The change in mass alone would change the flight parameters. It keeps referring to Adam Sandler as "skinny human" as if to separate him from all the other fat humans it must have interacted with. It just gets annoying. But, if we understand this spider correctly, it has been studying humans for years, has learned all of our languages.... but somehow does not know that showing up suddenly in a closed space ship as a spider might scare the crap out of someone.
Technically it's annoying. The ignore the speed of light by inventing a quantum video phone which grants instant communication regardless of distance. OK... so... tell me again why you couldn't do this mission with a remote drone? Especially since Adam Sandler has literally nothing to do for the 6 months each way. Does he tell mission control he has established the first alien encounter? Nope. Why bore them with that information.
And finally, pacing. Just. So. Slow. One moment we're listening to a space spider and the first inter-species encounter for humanity and the next....his wife talking about her issues at home. Yawn. I just kept skipping forward. Show me something remotely interesting.
Luther: The Fallen Sun (2023)
Pure garbage
I had to stop this movie half way through to check IMDB and see if I was the only person who was frustrated and angry watching this. Each scene is more nonsensical than the last. There were early signs:
The serial killings were illogical with no real tension. Just bodies hanging in a room. The mom gets a call from her missing son and, of course, she drives on her own, in the rain (every scene seems to be in the rain) and never contacts the police.
Luther has a cell phone in the prison... somehow?
He escapes.... How? What? From a single call to a random person they can somehow execute perfect escape.
When we got to the Piccadilly Circus I was just getting pissed off. Cars are racing into each other for no perceivable reason. The killer escapes (of course) and easily overpowers both Luther and the special forces cop because.... Well the plot.
Just dumb and lazy writing.
Wil (2023)
A Movie that is sympathetic with Nazi collaborators
This is a movie that slowly, ever so slowly makes you realize that all the time you've invested will not be paid back. The movie follows Wil and at first we meet a shy and timid character who shows a moment of bravery to save his friend. And.... We will never see it again. He stumbles silently through events just starting mutely as terrible things happen around him.
His girlfriend makes it clear that she cares about morals and doing what's right. Not Wil.
He will do anything to survive even if it means putting young children on a truck to the death camps.
We are supposed to learn from this movie that the ends DO justify the means. Killing innocents is not that bad if you get to live.
Aside from that, the movie truly is slow and dark with stupid plot elements.
I so wish I had wasted my time watching this.
You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah (2023)
A miss
I think if there was more Adam Sandler this movie might have been a success. I'm not even bothered by some of the bad acting. The movie just fails on the premise and goes downhill from there. Simply stated, this is a story of a US Reform Jewish family with the younger daughter preparing for her Bat Mitzvah.
That part of the premise is fine. It just goes off the rails. No one. And I really do mean NO ONE, actually thinks of their Bar/Bat Mitzvah as "entering adulthood", and yet his is repeated throughout the film as if it's some kind of Jewish truth.
I might accept an Orthodox, or perhaps even a practicing Conservative Jewish family having a semblance of this belief, BUT... it does not coincide with over-the-top theatrics, DJs, Intro videos, twizzler stations, etc. In other words: If this is a serious event of 'adulthood', then the families take it seriously.
There is the female Rabbi (again, Reformed Jewish) who is just this walking caricature of a "hip" Rabbi. Again. Nope. Are there hip Rabbis? Of course. But, they also don't look at their upcoming Bat Mitzvah a week before the ceremony asking, "Where's your Mitzvah project, or it won't happen"
There is a beyond cringey scene where Adam Sandler calls his daughter and over speaker phone starts rattling questions on what size maxi pad she needs. Every single child in the universe would immediately either take the phone of speaker. But, here? No. Because we need to hear this awkward conversation to try and make a funny scene. This is followed shortly where she cliff jumps and her maxi pad floats up. In the movie she is both (A) Mortified, and (B) uninterested in grabbing it and hiding it from plain view. It's either A or B. Can't be both.
I had some hope that this movie might represent modern Jewish life, but it's just one cringe after another of unrealistic scenarios.
Liebes Kind (2023)
Unsettling, but also annoying
This series is thankfully only 6 episodes long. It has some great psychological elements, but I found myself fast forwarding to get through interminably long sequences that did not add anything but time.
As others have noted, the entire story relies on the overpowering mind control that antagonist has over Jasmin, Hannah and Jonathan. In this world, people can hear the commandments in their heads from their "dad" several days, perhaps weeks after the fact.
The plot holes just seem to pile up. For example:
The kidnapper apparently has access to land mines... how exactly? Abandoned NATO bases do not keep ammunition, let alone land mines laying around. He is able to spy on several people using security cameras and cameras hidden in smoke detectors -- which would be fine given his background in security -- but we also have to believe that he is a genius super hacker with the ability to hack any system and sneak into the private homes of whomever he desires.
We have police watching a home 24x7, but not the backdoor. We have the press surrounding the family home... but not at night.
And it is finally revealed that Hannah. Diminutive little Hannah was somehow able to sneak up on the car driver and knock him out with a tree branch. Really?? That was the big reveal?? This girl has been raised in complete isolation and apparently she is a super sleuth who can track down Lena, sneak up on a driver and swing a tree branch -- something she has NEVER even seen or felt before with near lethal effectiveness.
It gets frustrating. There is some very good tension but the police never talk to each other (as in, hey! I think I'm following the suspect! I need backup!) and just give long forlorn looks.
It's enjoyable, but be prepared to skip head to make it come together faster.
Who Is Erin Carter? (2023)
Who is Erin Carter? Who cares
I'll give the first episode some credit for starting off with a good scenario and I had hopes that the plot would further develop. Instead, it just devolves into lunacy. Seemingly every other day our heroine has a near fight to the death, but appears with literally no marks a day later. Look at any photos of real people after they have been mugged, in an auto accident, or even a good fall. They are deeply, deeply bruised, concussed and generally look like hell.
But in this series, a woman weighing barely over 110lbs is repeatedly punched in the face, slammed into walls, slashed with knives and shows barely a scratch.
Then there is the tiresome habit of Netflix showing women who have no upper body strength or definition having the strength of Thor besting trained professionals who weigh 2 - 2.5X with barely a sweat.
In reality, a single pinch from a 250lb assassin would
break several bones and unconscious.
The plot contrivances just build. She is a substitute teacher with no training or skills.
They have no money, but live in a upscale neighborhood.
Her husband is a moron (because, of course, men can't be strong and intelligent in this series)
I made it a few episodes in and cut my losses.