- Summer Quinn: [about CJ Parker] Why does she always look like she's running in slow-mo?
- Ronnie Greenbaum: You see it too?
- Summer Quinn: And she always looks wet, but not too wet.
- Ronnie Greenbaum: Right? She's the reason I believe in God.
- Matt Brody: There's no I in team, but there is a me.
- Interviewer: Are you dyslexic?
- Matt Brody: I'm... Caucasian.
- Victoria Leeds: Time to die, boys.
- Mitch Buchannon: No! I was born of the sea. I eat fire coral and I piss salt water. I scratch my back with a whale's dick, and I loofah my chest with his ballsack.
- Victoria Leeds: What the fuck?
- Mitch Buchannon: I'll die when the tide stops and the moon drowns. Until then... I'm oceanic, motherfucker.
- Victoria Leeds: How tacky.
- [the Mentor sits next to Mitch, bare chested, on deck chairs]
- The Mentor: Do I look like a tiny little asshole next to him?
- Matt Brody: Ronnie, I need your help. Because as much as I know about laptops, I don't know shit about computers...
- Mitch Buchannon: How about diamond smugglers who are putting the rocks in surfboards and bringing them ashore?
- Matt Brody: Everything that you guys are talking about sounds like a really, like, entertaining but far-fetched TV show.
- Mitch Buchannon: My gut says there's some bad shit going on over there, and my balls say we need to go over there and check it out.
- Matt Brody: Your balls said that?
- Mitch Buchannon: Yes, they did.
- Matt Brody: Okay, my balls say
- [in a high-pitched voice]
- Matt Brody: "just take it easy right here. Just chill."
- Mitch Buchannon: Why the fuck do your balls sound like three-year-old girls?
- Matt Brody: I don't know, man. That's just how they talk. But they're wise.
- Matt Brody: What do you mean 'You People'?
- Mitch Buchannon: You don't get to say that. You're just tan.
- [flaming clothing lands on Matt]
- Matt Brody: That wasn't so bad.
- [a dismembered foot lands on Matt]
- Matt Brody: [screams]
- Mitch Buchannon: That's good luck, pick it up.
- [final scene]
- Mitch Buchannon: Uh, guys, after finding the drugs, helping save Chen and helping me blow up the bad girl with a Roman candle, it's a pleasure to say you are officially no longer trainees.
- CJ Parker: Whoo!
- [everyone applauds]
- Mitch Buchannon: Congratulations!
- CJ Parker: Yeah, guys.
- Mitch Buchannon: Hey, guys, one more important thing. I want to introduce you to our new captain who has been running our Hawaii division very successfully for years now: the amazing Captain Casey Jean.
- [Casey Jean appears in slow motion. Matt and Ronnie are stunned]
- Ronnie Greenbaum: Is it just me, or is she in...
- Stephanie Holden: *Super* slow motion?
- Summer Quinn: Yeah.
- CJ Parker: [dryly] Wow. This is gonna take a while.
- Mitch Buchannon: [winks] That's how we roll.
- Matt Brody: Will it work? Maybe. Will there be some surprises along the way? Abso-fucking-lutely. Is anyone gonna die? I don't know. Maybe Ronnie.
- Ronnie Greenbaum: Sorry, what?
- Matt Brody: So, Dave had access to Leeds' server.
- Ronnie Greenbaum: Her server? You mean her network.
- Matt Brody: Yeah, her network, that's what I meant. Okay, so we just take a flash drive, and we plug it in, you know, get in to her cloud, and then steal all her cookies, right, and then we're straight through the firewall.
- Ronnie Greenbaum: Okay, literally none of what you said made any sense.
- Matt Brody: Straight over the firewall.
- Ronnie Greenbaum: It's not, like, a physical thing you do.
- Ronnie Greenbaum: She's like some sort of modern-day J Edgar Hoover.
- Matt Brody: The vacuum guy.
- Ronnie Greenbaum: No.
- Victoria Leeds: Such accusations! I'm not a Bond villain. Well...
- [considers]
- Victoria Leeds: yet! You're in politics. You know that no one can claw their way to the top without getting a little dirt under their fingernails. Clearly I overestimated you. But calling me a drug dealer! I'm... so much bigger than that, you know.
- Councilman Rodriguez: I...
- Victoria Leeds: Leon, teach him some manners.
- [puts on sunglasses]
- Victoria Leeds: Have fun, boys.
- [leaves]
- Councilman Rodriguez: I agree with...
- [stammers]
- Councilman Rodriguez: I overstepped!
- [professional killer Leon takes off his coat, he has a gun]
- Councilman Rodriguez: I overstepped, Victoria!
- [to the two thugs:]
- Councilman Rodriguez: Guys, we can talk about this.
- Frankie: Leon doesn't talk. He's a man of action. There's a purity to that.
- Leon: [snarling at Rodriguez] I'm gonna kill you!
- Frankie: Damn it! You do that every time. I build you up, and then you ruin the mystique.
- Ronnie Greenbaum: I've never seen any interface like this! I don't know what to fucking do!
- CJ Parker: Hey, look at me! You are the tech guy. You are the motherfucking tech guy.
- [she kisses him]
- Ronnie Greenbaum: I'm the motherfucking tech guy.
- CJ Parker: Brody.
- Matt Brody: Hey.
- CJ Parker: What are you doing?
- Matt Brody: Nothing. I was just... you know, star-gazing.
- CJ Parker: Under a pier?
- Matt Brody: Yeah, that way.
- CJ Parker: Look, you're on the team, and, uh... I don't want anyone on the team sleeping outside, so... Yeah, come on. You're coming with me. Let's go, Brody.
- [as he hesitates:]
- CJ Parker: Let's go, I don't wanna wait for you. Come on!
- Summer Quinn: [after pulling him aboard] Are you okay? That was such a great plan, just to see fire and just swim right into it.
- Matt Brody: [sighs] You care about me. I care about
- [high-pitched voice:]
- Matt Brody: you.
- [his finger touching her nose]