- David Letterman: Welcome back to the program, ladies and gentlemen. Now please welcome out next guest Mr.James Woods.
- [Peter shows up in a suit]
- David Letterman: Wait a minute, you're not James Woods.
- Peter Griffin: [shows Dave his cards] Oh I believe I am. Driver's licence. Social Security. American Master Card.
- James Woods: What the hell is he doing?
- David Letterman: Wow, I guess you are James Woods. Now let me understand what are you here to promote James?
- Peter Griffin: Well Dave I have a hilarious new comedy coming out on HBO next month. It's all about 9/11. The movie's called September 11 Two thousand Fun.
- [Audience gasps]
- James Woods: No. No. No. No. No.
- David Letterman: James that sounds unbeliveably offensive to Americans.
- Peter Griffin: What you haven't heard what the movie's all about. I play a window washer who has just finished washing the last window of the World Trade Center and then I turn around to get off the scaffold and what do I see coming, a plane. And I go 'Come on'. You it's real old style comedy. It's like two pies in the face and one in the field of Pennsylvania.
- David Letterman: James, I don't want to hear anymore about this.
- Peter Griffin: And the voice of the plane is David Spade.
- James Woods: What, I would never work with David Spade. That dwarf, that skinny chicken shit.
- [Peter and his friends have heard about an upcoming Barry Manilow concert]
- Joe Swanson: You couldn't pay me to go to that thing.
- Peter Griffin: Hey, you know we should do? We should go, just as a goof.
- Quagmire: That would be hilarious.
- Joe Swanson: Yeah, just look at all the idiots.
- Cleveland: All the dumb-ass Manilow fans.
- Peter Griffin: I mean he's got like one good song.
- Quagmire: Yeah... I mean "Mandy" is not terrible.
- Joe Swanson: Yeah, the opening is okay.
- Cleveland: And I guess you can't hate "Copacabana".
- Quagmire: Yeah, if you're in the right mood.
- Joe Swanson: "Daybreak" is a good song.
- Cleveland: Oh, yeah.
- Peter Griffin: That's a good song. And I like "Weekend in New England".
- Quagmire: Yeah, that's a good one. "Looks Like We Made It".
- Peter Griffin: Yeah, it's not bad.
- Quagmire: Right.
- [long pause]
- Joe Swanson: [sotto voice] I love Barry Manilow.
- Peter Griffin: Oh my god, he's the best!
- Quagmire: I have everything he's ever recorded!
- Cleveland: Me too, in my car!
- Peter Griffin: We have to go to that concert!
- Peter Griffin: [Peter reads in the paper that the guy who rented Garden State ahead of him, like he wanted to, watched it and then lost the will to live] It could have been me!
- James Woods: [Woods has stolen Peter's identity and evicts him from the house] Not so fast, pal. Those are my clothes.
- Peter Griffin: Oh, come on!
- Joe Swanson: You heard him fella, take 'em off. Right down to the poop sack.
- [Woods and Peter look at him, confused]
- Joe Swanson: What? You all don't wear a poop sack? DAMMIT, BONNIE! YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT THE POOP SACK!