Family Guy (TV Series)
Back to the Woods (2008)
Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, The Ghost of Vern, Foghorn Leghorn, James Brady
Quotes
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David Letterman : Welcome back to the program, ladies and gentlemen. Now please welcome out next guest Mr.James Woods.
[Peter shows up in a suit]
David Letterman : Wait a minute, you're not James Woods.
Peter Griffin : [shows Dave his cards] Oh I believe I am. Driver's licence. Social Security. American Master Card.
James Woods : What the hell is he doing?
David Letterman : Wow, I guess you are James Woods. Now let me understand what are you here to promote James?
Peter Griffin : Well Dave I have a hilarious new comedy coming out on HBO next month. It's all about 9/11. The movie's called September 11 Two thousand Fun.
[Audience gasps]
James Woods : No. No. No. No. No.
David Letterman : James that sounds unbeliveably offensive to Americans.
Peter Griffin : What you haven't heard what the movie's all about. I play a window washer who has just finished washing the last window of the World Trade Center and then I turn around to get off the scaffold and what do I see coming, a plane. And I go 'Come on'. You it's real old style comedy. It's like two pies in the face and one in the field of Pennsylvania.
David Letterman : James, I don't want to hear anymore about this.
Peter Griffin : And the voice of the plane is David Spade.
James Woods : What, I would never work with David Spade. That dwarf, that skinny chicken shit.
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[Peter and his friends have heard about an upcoming Barry Manilow concert]
Joe Swanson : You couldn't pay me to go to that thing.
Peter Griffin : Hey, you know we should do? We should go, just as a goof.
Quagmire : That would be hilarious.
Joe Swanson : Yeah, just look at all the idiots.
Cleveland : All the dumb-ass Manilow fans.
Peter Griffin : I mean he's got like one good song.
Quagmire : Yeah... I mean "Mandy" is not terrible.
Joe Swanson : Yeah, the opening is okay.
Cleveland : And I guess you can't hate "Copacabana".
Quagmire : Yeah, if you're in the right mood.
Joe Swanson : "Daybreak" is a good song.
Cleveland : Oh, yeah.
Peter Griffin : That's a good song. And I like "Weekend in New England".
Quagmire : Yeah, that's a good one. "Looks Like We Made It".
Peter Griffin : Yeah, it's not bad.
Quagmire : Right.
[long pause]
Joe Swanson : [sotto voice] I love Barry Manilow.
Peter Griffin : Oh my god, he's the best!
Quagmire : I have everything he's ever recorded!
Cleveland : Me too, in my car!
Peter Griffin : We have to go to that concert!
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Peter Griffin : [Peter reads in the paper that the guy who rented Garden State ahead of him, like he wanted to, watched it and then lost the will to live] It could have been me!
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James Woods : [Woods has stolen Peter's identity and evicts him from the house] Not so fast, pal. Those are my clothes.
Peter Griffin : Oh, come on!
Joe Swanson : You heard him fella, take 'em off. Right down to the poop sack.
[Woods and Peter look at him, confused]
Joe Swanson : What? You all don't wear a poop sack? DAMMIT, BONNIE! YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT THE POOP SACK!