The Simpsons (TV Series)

Brother from Another Series (1997)

Kelsey Grammer: Sideshow Bob

Quotes 

• Sideshow Bob : You do know I... used to have a...

  [clears throat] 

  Sideshow Bob : problem... with trying to kill people?

  Cecil Terwilliger : Goodness, I had no idea! For you see, I have been on Mars for the last decade, in a cave, with my eyes shut and my fingers in my ears.

  Sideshow Bob : Touche, Cecil.

• Lisa : Oh, it's hopeless. Utterly, utterly hopeless.

  Sideshow Bob : Oh, I see. When it's one of *my* schemes you can't foil it fast enough, but when *Cecil* tries to kill you, "it's hopeless, utterly, utterly hopeless."

• Cecil Terwilliger : Now make yourself at home. Perhaps a glass of Bordeaux? I have the '82 Chateau Latour and a rather indifferent Rausan-Segla.

  Sideshow Bob : I've been in prison, Cecil. I'll be happy just as long as it doesn't taste like orange drink fermented under a radiator.

  Cecil Terwilliger : That would be the Latour, then.

• Sideshow Bob : You wanted to be Krusty's sidekick since you were five. What about the buffoon lessons, the four years at clown college.

  Cecil Terwilliger : I'll thank you not to refer to Princeton that way.

• Sideshow Bob : But you can't do this! I saved the children's lives! I'm a hero!

  Cecil Terwilliger : [craftily]  Tell them they'll live to regret this.

  Sideshow Bob : You'll live to regret this!

  Sideshow Bob : [realizing] 

  Sideshow Bob : Oh, thanks a lot, now *I* look crazy.

  Cecil Terwilliger : [Cecil smiles smugly] 

• Bart : [worried about Sideshow Bob being released on parole]  If only you knew what he was thinking!

  [in the car] 

  Sideshow Bob : [thinking]  I hope they still make that shampoo I like.

• Krusty the Klown : [spotting Sideshow Bob at his prison concert]  What have you been doing with yourself, Bob?

  Sideshow Bob : Well, Krusty, as you may remember, after I tried to frame you for armed robbery, I tried to murder Selma Bouvier. Let's see... I rigged the mayoral elections, I tried to blow up Springfield with a nuclear device, and I tried to kill you.

  Krusty the Klown : [nervous laugh]  Oh, yeah.

  Sideshow Bob : And, whenever I could find a spare moment, I've tried to murder Bart Simpson.

  Bart : [watching on television]  Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

  [Bart runs out of the room in terror] 

  Homer : [calling after Bart]  He said "tried"!

• Lisa : Um, do you know what you're doing?

  Sideshow Bob : Lisa, you don't spend ten years as a homicidal maniac without learning a *few* things about dynamite.

• Sideshow Bob : I told you. I'm not a criminal anymore. Do you want to know what I've been up to? Here's a clue for you, Jack! One hundred thousand tonnes of reinforced concrete!

  Sideshow Bob : [Bob punches the wall and it collapses, revealing nothing underneath] 

• Sideshow Bob : He's just a little shy because I've tried to kill him so many times.

• Cecil Terwilliger : I forgot to mention, I'm planning to blow up the dam with you inside.

  Sideshow Bob : Well, obviously!

• Sideshow Bob : Wait a minute. This is all because I got to be Krusty's sidekick instead of you, isn't it?

  Cecil Terwilliger : Off the record, yes. But officially, I did it for the money!

• Sideshow Bob : I'm telling you Cecil, I can't take much more of this. Rustic workmen have turned the sani-john into a smoke house, coveralls that don't quite 'cover all', and a psychotic little boy who will not stop hounding me!

• Cecil Terwilliger : Snigger all you like, Bob...

  Sideshow Bob : Thank you, I believe I shall.

• [trying to escape from Bob, Bart and Lisa run into the dam's turbine room] 

  Sideshow Bob : Be careful! There's hydroelectricity in there!

• Sideshow Bob : [sharing a cell with Cecil]  I'm older, I get the top bunk.

  Cecil Terwilliger : Oh, poppycock, I called it at the arraignment.

  [Bob pushes Cecil to the ground and lies on the bunk with a pleased smile] 

  Cecil Terwilliger : [standing up, he brushes himself off]  So, when do they bring us the menus?

• Sideshow Bob : Will you children stop tormenting me? I've done nothing wrong.

  Bart : Give it up, bob - we found the money!

  [shows Bob a suitcase full of money] 

  Sideshow Bob : Where did that come from? I've never seen that money before in my life.

  Lisa : Then you must have had your eyes closed when you embezzled it!

• Cecil Terwilliger : There it is! The future sight of the Springfield hydro-electric dam.

  Sideshow Bob : Just the thought of all that raw surging power makes me wonder why the hell I should care.

• Sideshow Bob : [Marge opens the front door]  Madam, you're children are no more... than a pair of ill-bred troublemakers.

  Homer : Lisa too?

  Sideshow Bob : Especially Lisa! But especially Bart.

• Sideshow Bob : That... was Edna Krabappel! You only get one chance with Edna Krabappel...

• Sideshow Bob : Oh, Cousin Merle, really!

  Cecil Terwilliger : Temper, temper... You know Cousin Merle ain't been quite right lately.