Frasier (TV Series)
Chess Pains (1996)
Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane
Quotes
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Dr. Frasier Crane : Daphne, I would rather have a tarantula lay eggs in my ear than listen to any more of this puppet show.
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Dr. Frasier Crane : [equating Niles' marriage to a chess game] The King is stationary while the Queen has all the power.
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[after Niles introduces his dog, clearly a canine substitute for Maris]
Daphne Moon : Am I the only one?
Dr. Frasier Crane , Martin Crane : No.
Daphne Moon : Does Dr. Crane have any idea...?
Dr. Frasier Crane , Martin Crane : No.
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Dr. Niles Crane : There's a saying: "In every boy's life, the moment of greatest joy and greatest sorrow is when he defeats his father for the first time."
Dr. Frasier Crane : If you're suggesting that I'm afraid to beat Dad, you can just stop right there.
Dr. Niles Crane : O.K. The other option is, he's better than you.
Dr. Frasier Crane : You were saying?
Dr. Niles Crane : Sooner or later, the son eclipses the father. It's the natural order. Yet it's frequently a stumbling block because the son's competitive stirrings are accompanied by tremendous feelings of guilt.
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Dr. Frasier Crane : Now, Dad, please, you don't have to rush. As a novice, you have the right to sit back, survey the board, take your time. I will not pressure you or hover like a vulture. Please, feel free to ask any questions you might have.
Martin Crane : Is this a checkmate?
Dr. Frasier Crane : ...Yes, it is.
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Dr. Frasier Crane : [Frasier shows his antique chess set to Niles] Paris 1882, designed by Jean-Francois Blon, while attending L'Ecole des Beaux Arts!
Dr. Niles Crane : Mon Dieu! It's absolutely breathtaking! I'm breathless!
[gasps]
Dr. Niles Crane : I need to take a breath.
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Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh hi, Dad. Did you see my new chess set?
Martin Crane : Oh yeah, it's nice.
Dr. Frasier Crane : "Nice?" Well, the inlay was made from the same Travertine marble they used at the Emperor Hadrian's palace outside Tivoli!
Martin Crane : Really? Well, I'm gonna celebrate with a beverage brewed from the crystal-clear waters of the majestic Colorado Rockies!
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Martin Crane : Boy, I really clobbered you though, didn't I? I got almost all of your prawns.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Pawns, Dad.
Martin Crane : I think the turning point was when I got that tower-thingy.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, it's called a rook.
Martin Crane : But the real knockout blow was when I backed your little horsey guy into the corner.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Can we call it a night, Dad?
Martin Crane : Okay, when I cornered your knight.
Dr. Frasier Crane : No, I mean... can we call it a night?