Wild Hogs (2007)
John Travolta: Woody Stevens
Photos
Quotes
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Doug Madsen : Ooh boy, my ass is sore.
Dudley Frank : Mine too, its Woody's fault for riding us so hard yesterday. The human body wasnt made to stradle something that big for that long.
Woody Stevens : Well ya know its gonna hurt a little bit but that's all part of the experience. Its why we didnt bring our wives.
Bobby Davis : Wut da...? What the hell? Someone wanna explain to me why I'm the one in the dirt? When I got sore jaws from 3 hours of blowin...
[notices Highway Patrolman]
Highway Patrolman : Please... Please, for the love of God, finish your sentence.
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Doug Madsen : Woody, sorry I said you had ego issues.
Woody Stevens : Sorry I said you were a pussy.
Doug Madsen : You didn't call me a pussy.
Woody Stevens : Well, not to your face, but that's what I was thinking.
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Damien Blade : [Damien walks up to the Wild Hogs after the Del Fuegos leave] The posers. What do you guys call yourselves?
Woody Stevens : I'm Woody...
[the others say their names]
Damien Blade : [interrupting] No, no... you all riding together? What do you call yourselves?
Dudley Frank : Hogs... Wild Hogs.
[turns around and shows Damien the back of his jacket]
Damien Blade : [laughs] Wild Hogs. Well, Wild Hogs... ride hard or stay home. Oh, and guys... lose the watches.
[he leaves]
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Dudley Frank : Thanks, Woody, I feel really safe with you.
Woody Stevens : I noticed that. If you ever lay your head on my back while riding bitch, I'll throw you into traffic!
Dudley Frank : I was just trying to keep the wind out of my face.
Woody Stevens : I felt you smell my neck!
Bobby Davis : Did you smell that man's neck?
Dudley Frank : His cologne is fantastic. It's musky with an oaky finish like a... lawyer cowboy.
Bobby Davis : A lawyer cowboy?
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Dudley Frank : I got a tat.
Doug Madsen : Hell just froze over.
Woody Stevens : Let's see it!
Dudley Frank : I'm a biker dude!
[shows tattoo of Apple logo]
Woody Stevens : It's an Apple.
Dudley Frank : I know, it's trademarked, but what are they gonna say... It's in my skin, bitch!
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Woody Stevens : [a large yard is full of a bunch of leaves] Well go home, Toby! You make me sick!
Toby : I can't do this many leaves for $10!
[Woody kicks a pile of leaves]
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Woody Stevens : Come on, guys, we're exhausted. I think we should take the bikes back to the hotel, put them in a shed with the doors closed, and then play Scrabble in the room with the shades down.
Doug Madsen : Look Aunt Bea, maybe you want to do something else here in Mayberry!
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Woody Stevens : That's not a discussion.
Dudley Frank : Yeah, that's a lawsuit.
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Woody Stevens : Del Fuegos! Hide the bikes! Quick!
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Dudley Frank : What'd you do, Woody?
Woody Stevens : I cut the gas lines of their bikes, and then I maybe blew up their bar.
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Woody Stevens : Dudley, you have to get rid of that or else I'm going to vomit in your lap.
Dudley Frank : Fine, I'll hang it from a tree.
Woody Stevens : Don't hang it in a tree.
Dudley Frank : Why?
Woody Stevens : Cause bears don't eat shit!
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Woody Stevens : Holy crap! It's the Golden Knight!
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Doug Madsen : Did you ever wake up one morning and wonder what happened to your life?
[Woody nods his head]
Doug Madsen : You know, I thought my life would be an adventure. All of a sudden, I'm a suburban dentist.
Bobby Davis : Look, Doug, I feel your pain, man. I mean I swore I would never return to a job where I had to where condoms on my shoes.
Woody Stevens : You're still at The Firm?
Bobby Davis : Yea. I get yelled at by an ungrateful wife. I swear the whole thing has made me...
Doug Madsen : ...a wimp.
Bobby Davis : I was gonna say miserable.
Bobby Davis : [pause] What? You think I'm a wimp?
Doug Madsen : No, I thought you were gonna say wimp, so I'd thought I'd say it for you.
Woody Stevens : You're a wimp, Bobby. I'll say it. I mean you're afraid of women. It's kinda embarrassing.
Dudley Frank : I'm afraid of women.
Woody Stevens : You're afraid to talk to women. Bobby's afraid they'll kill him in his sleep.
[Doug and Woody laugh]
Dudley Frank : Wow... now I'm really afraid of women.
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Dudley Frank : I'm looking foward to the parade this year. I got little Tootsie Rolls to throw to the kids.
Woody Stevens : Tootsie Rolls? You cannot even put on your left blinker without wiping out.
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Woody Stevens : I'm just swimming here with my gay friends.
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Doug Madsen : [convincing him to go skinny-dipping] Come on...
Woody Stevens : Fine, I will get naked with my gay friends. If any of them look at my junk, I will kill them!
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Bobby Davis : I think we better get out of here.
Woody Stevens : No, we'll get out of here at sundown after we've had our beverage.
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Woody Stevens : [as the Del Feugos bar explodes] Oh, shit! Oh, God. Oh, no.
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Doug Madsen : Woody, remember the theme of this trip? "Whatever", remember? "Whatever?"
Woody Stevens : Okay, fine! Fine. We'll stay the night, and get gas in the morning. Okay.
Doug Madsen : Calm down. I just don't understand what your rush is.
Woody Stevens : I'm not in a rush, man. I just wanna ride, man. I just wanna ride. You know? Sally, ride. You are so weird! You ask some weird shit and say the weirdest things. Why don't you just, what, what?
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Woody Stevens : Come on, let's go!
Doug Madsen : What's your rush?
Woody Stevens : Come on, man, it's the open road. Riding free, that's the rush! This isn't freedom, this is a gas station built by the man, a prison for our souls!
Bobby Davis : my soul needs something to drink.
Dudley Frank : We'll get gas at the next station, come on Wild Hogs! Let's go! Woo-hoo!
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[last lines]
Doug Madsen , Dudley Frank , Bobby Davis , Woody Stevens : Wild Hogs!
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Doug Madsen : Look, guys, sign at the curve of the road!
Bobby Davis : Madrid.
Woody Stevens : Spain?
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Woody Stevens : The trip is over because some tattooed bullies pushed us around?
Doug Madsen , Bobby Davis : Yeah.
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[after Woody has slapped a bull, Doug goes out to also slap it]
Earl Dooble : Yeah, and we never seen it done twice in a row.
Woody Stevens : What?
Earl Dooble : It'll be interesting to see how the bull takes being slapped now that he's alert.
Woody Stevens , Bobby Davis : Alert?
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Woody Stevens : Yeah, Well, one man's fairy tale is another man's nightmare.
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Woody Stevens : [jumps in the water naked, shivering] Whoa, that's cold!
Woody Stevens : Why are you naked?
Dudley Frank : I thought we were doing this wild and free thing. You guys kept your skivvies on?
Doug Madsen : Yeah, there might be snappin' turtles or somethin'.
Bobby Davis : I kept mine on because I didn't want it to get dark in here!