- [in a letter to her daughter]
- Calamity Jane: In them days, Janey, there was only two ways for a woman to survive out west - wifin' and whorin'. Since I wasn't cut out for either one, I had to find my own way of surviving. So I lived like a man and sometimes passed myself off as one. It got kind of sticky at times, but it gave me a kind of freedom that few women ever knew.
- Calamity Jane: Billy, I got a real itch to shoot somebody this morning, so as an old friend, I'm advising you to stay out of my way.
- Bartle Bone: [speaking to Calamity, after No Ears insists they make camp for the night] He don't make sense, but he ain't never wrong.
- Teddy Blue: I'm too old to start drinking whiskey at ten in the morning.
- Calamity Jane: Yeah, well, I'm too old to stop.
- Calamity Jane: Now you've been my friend for a long time, Blue, but if you feel lower than the scum on the bottom of a pond right now, you got it comin'!
- Calamity Jane: There comes a time in the life of every gold town when it either gets civilized or goes bust. Before it makes up its mind which, men go crazy drinking, gambling, whoring... cutting into each other's claims and shooting each other over trifles. Deadwood just happened to be in its hellfire days.
- Dora DuFran: [drunk, Blue tries to scale a drainpipe outside Dora's window] Blue! What are you doing?
- Teddy Blue: I'm scaling your castle walls, darlin'!
- Dora DuFran: You're gonna get yourself killed, you fool!
- Teddy Blue: It will be an honor to die for you, Dora!
- [the drainpipe starts to collapse]
- Teddy Blue: Uhhhh...
- Dora DuFran: Blue? Blue! BLUUUUE!
- Teddy Blue: AAAHHHHH!
- [he falls onto the roof of the shed]
- Dora DuFran: Blue! Tell me you're not dead!
- Jim Ragg: [Comes out of a store to find Bartle staring at him] You plannin' to murder me for my valuables? You got that look in your eye!
- Bartle Bone: I'm just tryin' to figure out what in the name of Sam Hill you want to join up with Billy's charade for!
- Jim Ragg: I need the money.
- Bartle Bone: What in the blazes you need money for? You can't even stand to sleep with a roof over your head!