- Sam: You don't like raisins?
- Joon: Not really.
- Sam: Why?
- Joon: They used to be fat and juicy and now they're twisted. They had their lives stolen. Well, they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes. I can't say I am a big supporter of the raisin council.
- Sam: Did you see those, those raisins on TV? The ones that sing and dance and stuff?
- Joon: They scare me.
- Sam: Yeah me too
- Joon: It's sick. The commercial people they make them sing and dance so people will eat them.
- Sam: It's a shame about raisins.
- Joon: Cannibals.
- Sam: Yeah. Do you like avocados?
- Joon: They're a fruit you know.
- Sam: Ruthie, do you got any avocados?
- Benny: Hey. Where's Sam?
- Joon: I didn't mean to kick him out. I mean, I didn't kick him out, he just - he just left.
- Benny: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What - What happened? Did something happen?
- Joon: He just - he just left. He was - he was in the air and-and-and - with a thing and - that was really loud. It was really loud. And all- I-I just kept seeing... He didn't mean to do it.
- Benny: Do it? What? What- Did he- What did he do?
- Joon: He cleaned the house.
- Sam: Oh my God! "I've just been looking for my boyfriend. Have you seen him? He's a cute guy with a little mole on his right cheek."
- Local: Hey, Ruthie. One of your ghosts come back to haunt ya?
- Sam: "AH! Oh, Brad! Oh, Brad. Brad, please don't be dead. Brad, I never had a chance to tell you what you meant to me. Oh, Brad, please!" It's you! You're you! Ruthie Melony, co-star of the Prom Queen Mutilator with Dick Bebe!
- Ruthie: You saw that?
- Sam: "He was mine! He was mine!" "No, Cindy. You're sick. Cindy, you need help. No, Cindy! No, no!"
- Joon: He can really cook, can't he?
- Benny: Uh, yeah. Although for grilled cheese, I mighta used a wool setting.
- Joon: That's what I told him.
- Benny: Really? What-what did he use?
- Joon: Rayon.
- Benny: Mm.
- Joon: Silk would have been too soggy. Cotton would have...
- Benny: Would have burned it.
- Joon: Right. Fortunately, he consulted me before giving it steam. I was four square against it.
- Benny: I hope you're happy... I hope you're happy with what you have done to her.
- [throws Sam against wall]
- Benny: You just stay the hell away from my sister.
- Sam: [shakes his head] No... no.
- Benny: You wanna know why everyone laughs at you, Sam? Because you're an idiot. You're a first-class *moron*.
- [lets go of Sam. Pauses]
- Sam: [nodding head while stumbling slowly away] You're scared, Benny.
- Benny: I'm *what*?
- Sam: You're scared. I can see it... And I know why. I used to look up to you. But... uh... now I can't look at you at all.
- [walks out of hospital]
- Benny: So why'd you leave?
- Ruthie: L.A.? I wasn't that good of an actress.
- Benny: Well, that's not how Sam tells it. He's raving about you.
- Ruthie: Yeah, well, he's sweeter than he is judgmental. How long have you known him?
- Benny: Sam? Uh, 72 hours.
- Ruthie: Be serious.
- Benny: I am... serious.
- Ruthie: Really?
- Benny: I'm always serious. I'm too serious.
- Joon: [police find Joon wearing a snorkle and directing traffic with a ping pong paddle] I have every right to be outside, Officer, I have every right.
- [first lines]
- Randy Burch: So we're planning our next vacation, right? I want Australia, she wants Italy. I like snorkeling, she likes garlic. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, she says to me: Do I need her? Jesus, Benny. What kind of a question is that? I mean, "need?" What does it really mean to need someone?
- Eric: Benny, fuel line!
- [and the phone begins ringing]
- Benny: Hey Waldo, could you answer that phone?
- Waldo: Hello?
- UPS Man: [walks in] I need a check, Benny. COD.
- Benny: In a minute. Meet me in the office.
- UPS Man: All right...
- Benny: [about Randy's cigarette] Whoa! Put that out! I got a fuel line broke.
- Waldo: Hey, Benny. Joon's on the phone again.
- Benny: Well, tell her I'll call her back. Find out what she wants.
- Waldo: It's an emergency. She says you're runnin' low on Peanut Butter Super Chunks.
- Benny: [under his breath] An emergency...
- Mrs. Smail: [about taking care of Joon] In Ireland, we have a sayin'. "When a boat runs ashore, the sea has spoken."
- Eric: [on the phone] Get your ass over here. Don't forget the Louis Prima record. Remember, always play for keeps.
- Dr. Garvey: Joon tells me he's a man.
- Benny: Well, you know Joon, how flowery she gets with words.
- Dr. Garvey: So she's lying? I mean, is it a man or isn't it?
- Benny: Well - yes, technically. He's really just a guy.
- Ruthie: Do you want to come in for a while? I - um - I got that beer waiting for you.
- Benny: You know what? I should probably go.
- Ruthie: Okay.
- Benny: Listen. Can I - can I tell you somethin'?
- Ruthie: What?
- Benny: Um - you see, my life is just real - complicated, and...
- Ruthie: Gimme a break, Benny. I just offered you a beer, okay?