- [when asked by gossip columnist Earl Wilson if she had ever been mistaken for a man on the telephone] No, have you?
- I was there in the south of France when Zelda [Fitzgerald], poor darling, went off her head. She had gone into a flower shop and suddenly for her all the flowers had faces. Of course, some flowers, such as pansies, DO have faces.
- [on seeing a former lover for the first time in years] I thought I told you to wait in the car.
- I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education.
- The only man in theater who can count on steady work is the night watchman.
- The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it. If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
- Acting is a form of confusion.
- [on why she called everyone "dahling"] Because all my life, I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.
- If you want to help the American theater, don't be an actress, dahling; be an audience.
- It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
- I'm as pure as the driven slush.
- I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water - I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.
- My father warned me about men and booze, but he never mentioned a word about women and cocaine.
- Cocaine isn't habit-forming. I should know - I've been using it for years.
- Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.
- No man worth his salt, no man of spirit and spine, no man for whom I could have any respect, could rejoice in the identification of Tallulah's husband. It's tough enough to be bogged down in a legend. It would be even tougher to marry one.
- Don't think I don't know who's been spreading gossip about me. After all the nice things I've said about that hag [Bette Davis]. When I get hold of her, I'll tear out every hair of her mustache!
- Say anything about me, dahling, as long as it isn't boring.
- I've tried several varieties of sex, all of which I hate. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic; the others give me a stiff neck and/or lockjaw.
- On strategy: I'm the foe of moderation, the champion of excess. If I may lift a line from a die-hard whose identity is lost in the shuffle, I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right.
- [when a young actress told her that she drank cranberry juice every morning] Oh, my God, cranberry juice? When I was 16, dahling, I had a shoebox full of cocaine.
- [when researcher Alfred Kinsey asked her for details about her sex life]: Of course, darling, if you'll tell me yours.
- [To 27 year old bride-to-be Helen Hayes, who was getting married to Charles MacArthur, who asked her what she could do to avoid getting pregnant]: Just what you've always been doing, darling.
- [on being told there was no toilet paper available] Well, do you have two fives for a ten?
- There have been only two geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare. But, darling, I think you'd better put Shakespeare first.
- Do you want to know why the Giants are going to win the pennant? Well, darlings, I can tell you in two words: Willie Mays.
- I've played "Private Lives" everywhere except underwater.
- They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum.
- [on Bette Davis] Bette and I are very good friends, There's nothing I wouldn't say to her face, both of them.
- I only read one book in my life, "White Fang". Fortunately it was so good I never needed to read another.
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