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Reviews
9-1-1: Lone Star: Abandoned (2023)
Sometimes the characters deserve what happens to them.
Does Reyes have a partner? He's a uniform cop. Where is his partner? Not even a rookie goes into a potentially dangerous situation without backup.
I understand the writers have to take some artistic license to create dramatic situations, but this series is often guilty of making professionals behave like amateurs. This isn't the first time that a character has done something so foolish, the viewer has to struggle to believe it would ever happen in a real police department or fire station. This was just the most annoying, and I hope the next episode has Reyes suspended for a couple of weeks for his behavior. That's what would happen in a real police department.
The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024)
Some charm but no heart.
I guess when you set out to make a film based on a true story-- not inspired by, but actually based it-- you're constrained by events.
Unfortunately, there wasn't much tension or ever a sense of our heroes having met their match.
The dialogue was occasionally clever, and the acting was ..fine. Not a lot was asked of this talented cast. Also, as often happens with ensembles, we really only get to know our characters on the most superficial level. (Ensembles need franchises to tease out individuals' personal stories). Hard to be invested in their survival.
And finally, what a waste of Henry Cavill. Cavill has a great face for this sort of role. Smirks, frowns and grins were swallowed up in a curiously overgrown mustache and beard. Why hire That Face and then hide it completely? Similarly, he spends the entire film, bundled up in multiple shabby layers of clothing. We're they trying to hide his physique so he wouldn't look too much like his costar Ritchson? Not a problem as Ritchson has at least 3 inches and 25lbs of muscle on Cavill any day of the week.
They could have hired any one of a dozen other actors for the role if they didn't plan to let us SEE Cavill. And paid a lot less for them.
I came away annoyed by the promise of Cavill unfulfilled and by a storyline that wouldn't have made for an interesting episode of The A Team.
But Alan Ritchson was great. He clearly had way more fun with this character than he gets to have with Reacher.
New Amsterdam: Grabby Hands (2022)
What happened to this show??
In this episode, a trained children's psychiatrist allows himself to be bullied by his preteen patients into leaving his smartphone in the van, thereby putting them in grave danger. And it turns out one of the kids had an iPad the whole time?
Meanwhile, a nurse is sent to prison for 10 years because of a mistake beyond her control, and Max guilts his team into taking the same risk she did. A feel good bit of nonsense because this staff is underpaid and single mothers... (Oh and he's getting over Helen VERY quickly.)
A group of tenants who can't afford NYC real-estate find their problems solved ridiculously easily by Reynolds.
It's utter garbage melodrama. Complicated problems solved in 45 mins? Did the writers just give up?
It's not only presenting bad medical practices, it's solving problems with facile homilies.
It's so sad to see a show that started out with such promise devolve into THIS.
New Amsterdam (2018)
S4 is where I stopped watching.
The series started strong. Good characters, solid performances and engrossing stories.
Then in the middle of S3, it began to morph into melodrama. I stuck with it, even though I didn't believe for a minute Max would get over his wife and fall so hard and (so quickly) for his colleague that he would give up this particular job to move to another country. And theres no way Bloom's girlfriend would be hired on as HER resident.
It's a big hospital, and she was a pediatrician in her old country.
Why isn't she in pediatrics? Reynolds wants to settle down and get married, but now he's with someone else's wife?
Ridiculous, inconsistent storytelling.
Then they added a 2-dimensional villain with no redeeming qualities for us to connect to as an actual human being. Lazy, unnuanced writing.
Finally in the middle of S4 they brought in a plot device that we've already seen on other dramas to add tension. Medical stories and characters are where good stories come from. Suddenly, the FBI has arrived? Nope. So ridiculous, one of the characters even comments on how absurd it is.
I lost interest in Max when his priorities changed nearly overnight. I lost interest in the future of the hospital when the writers replaced complex characters with cartoon characters.
It's a shame the show ran out of steam midway through S3. I can see why it ran out of viewers in S5.
Puppy Love (2023)
Tone deaf.
What a stupid premise. Thousand of animals are euthanized every day because people don't spay/neuter their pets. 40 years ago, this might have been a cute meet, but not now. 2 intelligent people neglecting to perform the most basic task of responsible pet ownership is distracting and off putting. I'm not invested in their happiness because I'm turned off by their stupidity.
In a sea of beige rom-coms, this one stands out for all the wrong reasons. Beyond the irritating main characters, there's no reality where these people wouldn't hate each other.
Don't waste your time on this one. It's annoying.
Ghosted (2023)
Silly movie with some clever dialogue.
The characters have all the depth and complexity of a Hallmark movie.
The two main characters are miscast. Chris Evans is too good looking and innately cool to be believable as such a needy loser. Ana de Armas has zero comic chops and her clever dialogue is delivered without nuance or rhythm.
The cameos are fun. Chris Evans must have called in a bunch of favors. They brighten up the otherwise hit and miss and simplistic storyline.
Adrien Brody channels every narcissistic villain in every spy movie. At least he's got some charisma to make him slightly more fun to watch.
All in all, it's certainly no "Romancing the Stone," but it's better than that Sandra Bullock mess, "The Lost City." If you go into it with zero expectations, you'll enjoy it as much as any other straight to video rom com movie.
Game Over, Man! (2018)
Piece of unfunny crap.
This isn't a dark comedy. This isn't a vulgar comedy. This isn't any type of a comedy because comedies are funny. This waste of effort is boring, inconsistent and they blow up a small dog. Explode a small dog.
The three main characters aren't endearing or attractive or clever. The dialogue isn't sharp or funny or interesting. And again, they kill a small dog by blowing it up.
Who thinks that's funny in ANY genre? Sure, blow away some B-list celebrities, which is pathetic because it just shows how far Donald Faison has fallen since "Scrubs."
But there isn't one solid laugh to be had outbof this whole mess. At least not out of the first 50 minutes of it. We turned it off when they killed the dog.
Willow (2022)
I'm sure it was good. Too bad I couldn't see any of it.
Did they spend the whole budget on special f/x and just have nothing left over for light bulbs? Most of the show takes place in the dark. Can't see squat. Night time, dungeons whatever. They don't care about accents so keeping the action in the dark seems like selective authenticity.
Dialogue is fun. Story is...fine. Acting is CW, except for Christian Slater who is having way too much fun. CINEMATOGRAPHER SHOULD HAVE HIS UNION CARD REVOKED.
It's a pleasurable way to pass some time, and if you loved the original movie, you'll enjoy this well enough....but I'd have liked to have SEEN more of it.
Disenchanted (2022)
So bad, it's hard to watch.
I don't know where to begin. All the money must have gone into getting Amy Adams to agree to come back for this mess. It certainly wasn't spent on production design, hair/makeup, cinematography, writing, editing or special f/x.
Everything about this film screams "straight to video." The story is thin. (There was the potential to do something interesting with Maya Rudolph's character, but they didn't.) It was really just 90% Amy Adams looking deeply airbrushed (she's 46- deal with it) and sounding like an annoying imbecile who evidently hasn't learned anything about life on this side of the manhole cover.
Everyone else is window dressing in bad wigs. Especially Patrick Dempsey, who may have been bemused and hapless in the first film, but at least he had SOME agency to affect his own life. He had some testosterone.
In this film, he's a mindless stick figure-- about as McDreamy as a bowl of oatmeal.
What little chemistry he and Adams had in the first film is long gone. Doesn't matter since they're rarely in the same scene.
The rest of its flaws are small annoyances. The songs are ....ok... but forgettable. The daughter is supposed to be a new teenager but looks mid 20s.
If you really loved the first one, this one will make you sad. If you merely liked the first one, you'll watch this one wondering why anyone bothered going to this much trouble to make this junk.
Samaritan (2022)
Just so painfully bad.
I can't even begin to describe how truly awful this thing is. For starters, the main character is a kid who can't act. Who builds an entire film on the shoulders of a kid who can't act. Stallone is just...tired. He makes you tired just watching him drag his tired butt from scene to scene. Here's a drinking game-- you have to drink everytime someone calls him "Old Man." You'll be hammered 30 mins in.
There are no 3 dimensional characters. From the first scene, everyone is beat down and angry. Nobody has an ounce of redeeming qualities to make you care who wins and who dies. Things explode, guns and bullets and it's just ugly and loud and joyless and boring. The script is painfully basic. Corny predictable lines about believing in yourself. No clever twists. Just one "surprise" you'll see coming from a mile away.
You have to be pretty desperate for carnage with storyline or characters in order to enjoy a minute of this junk.
The Stranger (2020)
Spoilers. Good acting. Huge plot holes.
Pretty good story, but some subplots were left hanging and some plot holes leave you scratching your head.
There's a subplot involving the teenage kids of the main characters. That story is never fully resolved.
There's a moment when one police officer is so indiscreet with crucial information that he nearly gets his captain killed and the resulting action allows the murderer to escape to kill again. Hate to think any cop who has achieved the rank of detective would be that stupid and it feels very contrived that he is. Also one criminal is left unrevealed to the police. We can believe he gets revealed as the murderer's accomplice but we will never know for sure.
The acting was really good, but these and other flaws in the story left me looking at the credits and saying, Wait. What happens to these 5 characters???
Requiem (2018)
This series makes no sense.
3 episodes in and everyone is still acting like the main character can't be the missing child. The hostility is nonsensical. Meanwhile she's a known and respected cellist,
and the police are treating her like a random nut job.
It's called a DNA test. The suspense is just so forced.
More annoying than dramatic.
Clarkson's Farm (2021)
If you're an animal lover, beware.
The series is interesting and visually appealing, but the animal farming was a complete turn off. The series would have been fine had Clarkson stuck to vegetables, flowers and ok even fish. But there were sheep and then there were lambs....and then there were butchered lambs.
I've never understood the ability to raise an animal from birth, watch it form an emotional bond with its mother, watch it enjoy life, only to turn around and slaughter it-- and before it's even a year old.
I really don't understand how Clarkson and the producers didn't foresee that showing us the lambs being born and then living their adorable lives and THEN showing us plastic wrapped parcels of lamb parts wouldn't have leave some of us nauseated, sad and angry.
They DID speed through it as though they knew it would be awkward, so why include lambs at all? If you allow your children to watch this show, be prepared to end up with a new vegetarian on your hands.
The King's Man (2021)
What a mess.
This convoluted plodding mess was not a worthy addition to the Kingsman series. Rhys Ifans' Rasputin stole every scene he was in and was the sole bright spot. Ralph Fiennes, normally riveting, was little more than a middle aged James Bond. The final reveal of the archvillain managed to be neither surprising nor worthy of the build up. Watched it for free on HBO Max and it was worth every penny.
Hacks: Falling (2021)
Wow. What a great show.
But...what happened to the $60k George and Ava won???
The Holiday (2006)
Pleasant mindless romcom, but...
Movie is fine. Formulaic romantic comedy. Two couples, consisting of three pretty people and Jack Black. It feels like he wandered into this film by accident. Kate Winslet is a beautiful woman yet she is somehow being sold to us as "less than." Diaz walks off with Jude Law while Winslet ends up with Jack Black? Nope. Not believable and no chemistry to make it more so. If you can get past the sight of Winslet swooning over Jack Black, the movie is fine fluff for a cold Saturday afternoon.
The Watch (2020)
Once again producer ego trumps quality.
The source material is brilliant, but clearly someone needed to "make it their own" and changed everything that makes The Watch in Pratchett 's Discworld book series so wonderful.
Please go read the books and have a marvelous time. Don't waste a minute on this poor excuse for an adaptation.
Veronica Mars (2004)
Series finale is a disaster. SPOILERS.
Writers made the worst mistake a series can make. Lazy writing and falling back on an old predictable trope. A heroine cannot have a happy personal life and still be a heroine.
Huge part of this show's popularity came from driving the story toward a HEA for the main characters. They profited from it for years and then broke that trust.
Pointless cheap emotional manipulation.
Poor choices badly done.
A Discovery of Witches (2018)
Mediocre adaptation
The acting is wooden. There's no Chemistry Between the two leads. Score is overblown and feels like it's forcing dramatic tension into the scenes that should be able to create their own.
Book Club (2018)
Nope nope nope
If you've seen Jane Fonda in the brilliant "Grace and Frankie" -- her other examination of the life of a sexually active septenagarian -- then don't waste your time on this bland, ridiculous knock off. This is like a bad Hallmark movie that's been left out in the sun too long so that all the characters have gone a little ripe. Dialogue is cheesy and obvious. Story is nonexistent. If Adam Sandler were in this movie and it was taking place in Hawaii, I'd say it was just an excuse for these actors to go on a nice paid vacation. I can't think of any other reason why artists of this caliber would waste their time and embarrass themselves this way.
The Girl in the Spider's Web (2018)
Convoluted, tedious and ridiculous.
So many plot contrivances to make the story last longer than 15 minutes. Acting is solid though. So if you're willing to just go with it, have at it.
The Innkeepers (2011)
Boring,,,,,so so boring.
I really wanted to like this movie. There are no twists, no surprises, no real story of any kind. We never learn why......anything. Please don't waste your money seeing this in the theater or renting it on cable. Please don't waste two hours of your life watching it when it is eventually free on network TV, which will likely happen very, very soon.
The characters are as much a mystery at the end as they are at the beginning. There are characters that serve no purpose in driving the story forward. There are scenes that similarly do nothing to drive the story forward.
Sara Paxton has some talent and maybe she will be more enjoyable in a movie with a story, but here she carries the film and not even Meryl Streep could bring this stuff to life.