Intolerable Cruelty (2003)
Paul Adelstein: Wrigley
Photos
Quotes
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Wrigley : Uh, I'll just have a, um, salad, please. Um, baby field greens.
Nero's Waitress : What did you call me?
Wrigley : Uh, no, I-I... I-I didn't call you anything.
Nero's Waitress : You want a salad?
Wrigley : Yeah. Do you... Do you have a, uh, green salad?
Nero's Waitress : What the fuck color would it be?
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Rex Rexroth : Have you sat before her before?
Miles Massey : No. No, the judge sits first. Then we sit.
Rex Rexroth : Well, have you sat after her before?
Wrigley : Sat after her before? You mean, have we argued before her before?
Miles Massey : The judge sits in judgment. The counsel argues before the judge.
Rex Rexroth : So, have you argued before her before?
Wrigley : Before her before, or before she sat before?
Rex Rexroth : Before her before. I said, before her before.
Wrigley : No, you said before she sat before.
Rex Rexroth : I did at first, but...
Miles Massey : Look, don't argue.
Rex Rexroth : I'm not. I'm...
Wrigley : No, you don't argue. We argue.
Miles Massey : Counsel argues.
Wrigley : You appear.
Miles Massey : The judge sits.
Wrigley : Then you sit.
Miles Massey : Or you stand in contempt.
Wrigley : And then we argue.
Miles Massey : The counsel argues.
Rex Rexroth : Which you've done before.
Miles Massey : Which we've done before.
Rex Rexroth : Ah.
Wrigley : But not before her.
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Miles Massey : Attila the Hun. Ivan the Terrible. Henry the Eighth. What do they have in common?
Wrigley : [thinks] Middle name?
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Miles Massey : I guess, something inside of me died, when I realized that you'd hired a goon to kill me.
Marylin Rexroth : Wait a minute. You hired him to kill me.
Freddy Bender : No. Both of you wait a minute. Nobody hired anyone to kill anyone.
Wrigley : Hear, hear.
Freddy Bender : Apparently, from what I can gather, a burglar broke into your house.
Wrigley : Miles's house.
Freddy Bender : Whatever. A burglar broke in intending to loot the place, uh, repented, became despondent over his lifestyle and shot himself.
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Wrigley : Why are we eating here?
Nero's Waitress : What's his problem?
Miles Massey : Just bring him an iceberg lettuce and a mealy tomato wedge smothered with French Dressing.
Nero's Waitress : And for you?
Miles Massey : Ham sandwich on stale rye bread. Lots of mayo, easy on the ham.
Nero's Waitress : Slaw Cup?
Miles Massey : What the hell.
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Wrigley : Who needs a home when you've got a colostomy bag?
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Wrigley : What do you think?
Miles Massey : What are they, ladles?
Wrigley : Berry spoons.
Miles Massey : Spoons?
Wrigley : Berry spoons. Everybody has spoons.
Miles Massey : And nobody *needs* berry spoons.
Wrigley : Everybody eats berries.
Miles Massey : Who are you, Pollyanna? Where'd you see 'em at? A Martha Stewart catalog right next to the silver napkin rings? Stadium seat ass-warmers?
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Wrigley : Who are you looking for?
Miles Massey : Tenzing Norgay.
Wrigley : Tenzing Norgay? That's someone she slept with?
Miles Massey : I doubt it. Tenzing Norgay was the Sherpa that helped Edmund Hillary climb Mt. Everest.
Wrigley : And Marylin knows him?
Miles Massey : No, you idiot. Not the Tenzing Norgay. Her Tenzing Norgay.
Wrigley : I'm not sure that I actually follow that.
Miles Massey : Few great accomplishments are achieved single-handedly, Wrigley. Most have their Norgays. Marylin Rexroth is even now climbing her Everest. I wanna find her Norgay.
Wrigley : But how do you determine which of the people on here are...
Miles Massey : How do you spot a Norgay?
Wrigley : Yeah.
Miles Massey : You start with the people with the funny names.
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[Wheezy Joe has just accidentally shot himself]
Wrigley : Told him it was no go...
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Wrigley : Rex, sit!
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[the two are sneaking into what used to be Miles' house, now Marylin's, to find Wheezy Joe]
Miles Massey : Looks like she's gone... looks like she bought it.
Wrigley : Good stuff! There's no one here.
Miles Massey : Except for the rottweilers.
[Uncaps and shakes his can of mace]
Wrigley : Sure, rottweilers.
[Also uncaps and shakes his can of mace]
Miles Massey : Go that way.
[They sneak away in opposite directions]
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Miles Massey : Your Honor, I call Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.
Bailiff : Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.
Guard #1 : Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!
Guard #2 : Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!
Guard #3 : Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!
Freddy Bender : Problem?
Marylin Rexroth : Puffy.
Guard #4 : Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!
Wrigley : Tenzing Norgay.
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Wrigley : You had a guy break into her house and photograph her address book?
Miles Massey : No, Wrigley. I happened to let a man know that I was interested in her address book.
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Wrigley : Rex Rexworth kept everything. You win, no compromise. Isn't that what you wanted? Good God, Miles. What are you looking for?
Miles Massey : I don't know.
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Miles Massey : I intend to devote myself to pro-bono work in East Los Angeles, or one of those other... God bless you all.
Wrigley : I love you, man.
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Wrigley : Thank God you have the pre-nup.
Miles Massey : I have no pre-nup.
Wrigley : You have no pre-nup.
Miles Massey : I have no pre-nup.
Howard D. Doyle : [distorted] You have no pre-nup.
Wrigley , Miles Massey : Aaaaaagh!